February 26, 2009


A few of my readers are confused about my story, please let me know what you would like me to clear up before moving on the next post.

I hope you are enjoying the story, none of it is real I am making it up as I go, its just a topic I always wanted to write about.

Thank you.

Fantasy part 8

"7beeby you sure about this? maf3oulha awal bwal? akeed she wont remember?"

"Bu Ya3ga, 3la '6amanty, slip the pill in her drink o she wont remember anything the next day"

"Okay, yala ashofik"

Ya3goub purchased Rohypnol: A common date rape, from his "drug dealer." He knew I was divorced, which meant that he wouldnt be taking my "future" away from her, I already lost it. As for my memory, a common side effect of the date rape is anterograde amnesia which is a loss of memory of what happens after the event that caused the amnesia, in other words it happens and I forget and this amnesia is usually drug indused. It remains a mystery to most scientist, so a doctor wouldnt know what to do.

Silly silly little girl.

I called the family doctor and asked to meet him outside the house, and after explaining to him what had happened he too did not know the cause of my temporary memory loss.
I was planning on taking summer classes so I therefore refrained from joining the yearly family vacations.

"3mich bkoun mwjoud fa itha i7tjtay shay kalmy mashy baba"

"Inshalah, yala la tit25roun"

"3ndich flous 9a7, itha nag9ich shay bs dgay 3ly 3shan a7awlich, yala 7beebty inshoufich 3la 5air inshalah"

"Alah ma3akum, bl salama inshalah"

I had the house to myself, well apart from the house maids and the house boy that is. I have been avoiding being alone with Ya3goub as much as possible since I was not quite sure of what really took place that night. He, however knew I was going to be home alone, yes it slipped out.

I had a long day bl jam3a and was exhausted especially since I still worked in the evenings three times a week. I got home had my dinner, watched some tv and at 9 decided to took a bubble bath and head to bed. I informed the maids that they too should head to bed, no sense in them staying up.

Just as I was about to step into the bath tub Ya3goub called, and I answered.


"Bl bait, I was just about to take a bubble bath"

"Can I join you?"

"I dont know baby"

"Baby please, we havet been alone since that night bl shalaih and I really miss you!"

"Um, okay then come to the side door ill leave it open"

"2 minutes o akoun 3ndich"

I waited for him by the door, and then lead him up into my bedroom. He locked the door, and undressed while I got into the bath tub.

"This feels nice"

"I told you, bs intay ma adree shfeech 3ly"

"Im sorry walla kint mash'3oula shway"

"Its okay 7beebty, listen fee this party taben inrou7?"


"ee ilyoum"

"3ndy class at 10 bacher"

"Yala 3ad 7beebty, I dont ask you for anything, do it for your fiance"

"Mita 9ert my fiance?"

"Min awal ma shftich"

"Okay, bs man 6wil please"

"Yala okay"

We stepped into the shower to rinse off the bubble bath soup, and we got ready.

"Baby, 36shan can I go get me something to drink?"

"ee fee kitchen upstairs, yebly water ma3ak please"

He handed me a glass of water, and I drank every single drop.

"Ayeblich b3d?"

"La thank you, yala?"


We headed over to his friends house, to what you would call a "couples" party, the room was dark and loud. I didnt know anyone which eased my comfort. We danced, we laughed and then I went home.

I decided to miss my morning class, and spend a few more hours in bed. I woke up at 11 headed over to my bathroom, undressed myself but before heading into the shower, something caught my eye. My wrists were all bruised up, as if I had been banging them against a brick wall, I even saw tiny blod clots.

What the hell. I heard my phone beep, a message from Ya3goub that read "Good morning my little freak, you were wild yesterday"

What did I do yesterday, and what did he mean by wild? I need to stop doing this, what is he doing to me, this cant be happening. I felt faint, disgusted with myself.....

"7imdilah 3la salmtich" A husky voice said as I slowly opened my eyes

"Ana wain"

"Bl mustashfa, ana Dr.Mish3al intay Jema 3del?"

"Inta wayed 9'3eer"

"Haha, adree tawny mt5arij"

"Jema, Jema honey what happened?"

I saw Samar and the water works came out.

"Shh, 7beebty intay dont cry, its okay you will be okay"

"Uh, ana a5alekum bs I need to know what happened" said the handsome Dr.

"Jema, what happened and if you say I dont know I am walking out of here"

"Samar, please dont leave me, I dont know I was with Ya3goub"

"What, you were with him again? What is wrong with you, shino intay jd '3abya aw you like playing the damsel in distress? Fawaz and I were on the way to the airport when we got the call from Emy (house maid) that you were in the hospital, I cant believe we missed our flight for one of your games. You desperately need some help, khalid fucked you up real bad, alah e3enich 3la nafsich"

Samar walked out of the room, and she saw her husband talking to the doctor.

"She was drugged"

"Shloun ya3nee drugged?"

"ya3nee someone put something in her drink, something that makes her unaware of her surrounding, of her actions, and whoever that person is abused her over and over again, the bruises on her body are just not normal....do you know who it might be, anything drug related we need to report and if you have a name...."

"I know who it is"

"Mino?" Fawaz asked

"I am not telling you leana adree your going to do something stupid, I will however tell the police myself"

"Samar, tell me mino"

"Fawaz, 7beeby please just let me do this"

"Samar, there is someone already here, if you would folllow me please" Samar followed Dr.Mish3al, and Fawaz walked into my room.


"Fawaz, I am sorry ma adree shino 9ar walla ma adree....."

All I saw was him raising his arm, with a murderous look in his eye. I blacked out again.

4 days later

"Jema, can you hear me?"


"Jema, its me Mish3al can you hear me?"

"Stop yelling"

"Haha, Im not actually im whispering, how are you feeling?"

"Like somone threw a boulder on my head"

"Well close enough, if we hadnt walked in on Fawaz you wouldnt be alive right now"

"I wish you let him kill me"

"Thats not for us to control, now do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Wain Samar?"

"Fawaz o Samar bara bs I dont trust them with you so I asked them to stay outside until you are up on your feet"

"please send them in I need to apologize"

"For what? you didnt do anything wrong!"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me what you remember, and I will correct the facts for you"

I told him what I new, which to be honest was not much and he filled me on the rest. I blacked out once again, this time from my own abuse.

3 days later

"Jema? Jema 7beebty are you okay?"


"Ee its me, 7imdillah 3al salama"

I was surrounded by family, no longer was in the hospital I was in my room, I looked around the room trying to find any trace of Ya3goub, nothing.

"Jema, I am so happy you are okay" Jas said in between her tears, as she jumped up to hug me.

"Not so tightly Jas, her bruises still hurt"


"Mish3al, and yes"

"Yuma, bnaity 7imdilah 3la salmitch, alah 7f'6ach, ashwa ina Dr.Mish3al li7ag 3laich wla chan 6irtay min edy"

How much did they know, what did he tell them.


"Jema, I dont think you remember much bs you were leaving iljam3a and got hit by a car and il7imdillah wagt-ha and kint mawjoud"

He lied for me?

"Ee, ee I remember thank you!"

"Doing my job"

All I could hear was the loud murmur of my family, then Samar walked in she looked terrible, as soon as she saw me awake she ran over to me and hugged me.

"Sam7eny walla im so sorry for everything I said 7beebty please forgive me"

"Wain Fawaz?"

"He..he..he cant face you yet, he is ashamed of himself, he almost killed you and....just give him time...tara no one knows"

"Thank you, call Fawaz I want to talk to him"

I talked to my cousin, and asked him to come because I wanted to apologize to him in person. Mish3al seemed at ease with my family, making jokings, playing cards, and glancing over at me every now and then.

Fantasy part 7

"I..I..ive been divorced for over 6 months, I dont need the pill" I manged to mumble

"Okay, okay shofay Fawaz is not here so you take mine, o ana I will go to my doctor on Sunday for more okay?"


"Shfeech your shaking, emshay lets get you into a hot shower"

She lead me to the master bathroom, and undressed me. I was shaking, I could not look straight.



"Why are you covered in bruises?"

"Ma adeee"

I looked down at my body to find multiple bruises dispersed all over.

"What happened Jema? Ishsawa feech?"

"I..I..i dont remember, all I know is he forced himself on me...I think...I dont know... I dont remember" in tears

"Okay 7beebty, wash up and I will bring you some fresh clean clothes and some mint teat"

I scrubbed my body once, twice, three times. I could not get him off my skin, but at the same time I wanted his smell on my body, I needed to know what happened last night, everything is a blur to me. I stepped out of the steamy shower put on the purple robe laid out for me and headed over to the bed. I wanted to sleep.

Ya3gouby Calling


"ilnas egoloun 9ba7 il5air, 7beebty wain in7ishtay I woke up o you were gone"

"Ya3goub what do you want from me, 5ala9 leave me alone"

"Shfeech Jema, baby where is this coming from?"


"Hahhaha, tita3bi6ain 9a7? nisaitay what happened ams?"

"what happened?"

"you asked me to, you told me you were divorced and we went to bed and we were cuddling, o faj2ah you told me o s2altch akeed o you said ee b3dain you know"

"dont lie, ya3goub please dont lie"

"Haa, shako I lie Jemo I would never force you to do anything you dont want baby I love you, and I want to marry you"

"men never marry their girlfriends especially if he slept with her"

"ana shako feehum intay 7beebty o 3mury o ana abeech"

"I need to be alone"

"3la ra7tich, im here for you"

what was happening to me..i really do not recall what happened yesterday, everything is fuzzy to me...what really happened....why cant i remember....is he lying to me..is he being honest.....who should I believe....did I really initiate it?

"Jema, 7beebty we are having lunch come join us"


"The girls dont know"

"Thank you"

I got up and headed back into the bathroom to get ready, thankfully there were no bruised on my face just on my torse and upper thighs and upper arms. I looked at my reflection trying to unwind yesterdays events, then it hit me like a meteor.

"ana a7ibich" he said

"yala baby lets go to bed" I answered

I headed into the bathroom to slip into my night gown, I brushed my teeth and lathered up in my vanilla scented body lotion. I then slid into bed with him where we cuddled and kissed.

"I want to sleep next to you forever"

"You want to sleep next to me, not with me?"

"That comes later 7beebty"

"You dont want it now? Ma tebeny?"

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

That is as far as I remember...what did I do? what does he think...I bet he thinks I do this with every man...why cant I remember...is something wrong with me?...I need to go to the doctor...but first.

Dialling Ya3gouby

"Hala 7beebty"

"were we safe?"


"ams, were we safe when..."

"Ugh if your asking me itha I wore a condom I didnt, but I was careful"


"Jema shfeech?"

"Later not now, bye"

Something is wrong with me, I can feel it. I noticed my memory has not been on full throttle lately but I blamed it on school work, but for me to blank out of something major like that.

What is wrong with me?

February 25, 2009

Fantasy part 6

Silly silly little girl.

I got dressed into my night gown, brushed my teeth, applied my vanilla scented lotion and slid into bed with him. We snuggled at first, sneaking in a kiss here and there. The snuggling become more intense, and the kisses were no longer loving, they were full of lust.

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

"Ya3goub, what do you think you are doing"

"I want you so bad, shofay"

"Ya3goub please la, maby" I managed to say in between my tears.

Silly, silly little girl.

He forced himself on me, he enjoyed himself while I cried.

"Aaah, di5t"

I gave him my back and continued crying. Why did I tell him when we were alone, of course he thought I was asking for it. This is all my fault, 9a7 kalam Khalid ana '3beya, sa5eefa, mo fahma o ma7ad yabeny. I am going to be a whore, once I tell men im divorced they are going to expect me to open my legs wide for them.

I waited for him to fall asleep, and snuck out of his shalaih, I got dressed and headed back to Samars.



"What did he do?? Please tell me he didnt, Jema please 7beebty"

"He did, Samar he did"

"Please tell me you were safe? you are on the pill right?"

Silly, silly naive little girl.

Fantasy part 5

The next few days with Ya3goub were pleasurably pleasant. We flirted, we talked, we flirted and we talked. After prolonged months of Ya3goub and I spending every minute together, I saw him.

My ex husband.


I was meeting friends from university at Nino's, we had just finished finals and wanted to celebrate, and what other way to celebrate then indulge in fine cuisine. I was heading over to the restroom when I saw him sitting alone. He looked much older, with grey hairs and a shaggy beard and a beer belly. I just had to flaunt my new self.



"Ee, shlonik?"

"B5air il7imdillah, intay shlonich? sha5barich, 3ash min shafich" His face lit up.

"3ashat ayamik, ana tamam il7imdillah tawny im5al9a awal course ly bl jam3a"

"Mashalah zain itsaween"

"uggh, khaloody?" A strange woman's voice interupting our speech

"Uh, Jema murty Fa6ma, Fa6ma this is Jema"

"Intay Jema" in an angered voice

"ee, um anyways Khalid it was good seeing you, Fa6ma it was nice meeting you...m3a ilsalama"

I walked away alleviated, delighted I was finally in charge of the situation, my life and my confidence. I turned around to give him a quick glance, and I saw him sitting there tormented by what he just saw.

Ya3gouby Calling

"7beeeeeeeeeeeeeby, wainik, 5a6ry ashoufik"

"Yala 7yaach"


"Bl shalaih"

"hmmm, okaaay Samar is having a girls weekend there so this works out perfectly"

"Cant wait to see you 7beebty"

"Bye galby, call me when you are on your way"

Ya3goub still did not know I was married, I opted to tell him. This weekend would be the perfect time. I just hope he does not misinterpret my little confession.

That night at Ya3goubs


"7yatie intay, you comfy"

He was tall, big and very built, I literally could loose myself in his arms.

"Of course, ga3da 3ndik...um 7beeby lazem agoulik shay bs mo 3rfa shloun abdy, its something big about me and I was scared to tell you"

"Jema, baby tell me"

"I was married, it was an arranged marriage and at first it was fine but then it could too much for me to handle, it was horrible he took so much of me I never thought I would be happy again and then I met you.....and I cant stop smiling"

"Laish kintay 5yfa you tell me?"

"Ma adree, 7sait you would run away since im a divorcee"

"I dont care about your past, I care about your future and my future, unless you dont want me in it?"

I turned around to face him "OF COURSE, abeek in my future, your not upset with me?"

"Ana a7ibich, yala baby lets go to bed"

Silly foolish girl that never learnt her lesson.

February 24, 2009

fantasy part 4

The first few months were blissful, I got what every 19 year old girl wanted, a man who loved and spoiled her, a new car and freedom. He took me out everywhere, we did everything together. Plus we barely kept our hands off each other.

The next few months were mournful, we fought on a daily basis, he barged in claiming I was uninteresting, boring, and ugly then a few minutes later he would be kissing my hands apologizing for his harsh words. He sometimes made me sleep in the other room, he always forced me to do things against my will, but he always told me he loved me.

Foolish little girl I was. I thought every marriage was like this, who am I to break the chain.

"Intay mynouna, mino esawi chithi?" Samar scolded me

"Ishdarany, uhwa rayly fa 3dee" I answered innocently

"7beebty its not 3dy, you need to talk to him"

The first major fight we had, the one where I chose to stand up and leave was when he strolled into the house tipsy with a bottle in one hand and a girl on the other

"intay mino" He managed to blurt out to me

"Hathy mino?"

"Oh, Jemo, 3baly hathy intay...intay mino" he asked the tramp on his arm

"Your fantasy"

"dm inha mwjouda ishrayich Jemo?"

"Ana barou7 bait ahaly"

"abrak-ha min sa3a, bly mayrdich inshalah"

"emshay fantasy nstanas shway"

Yes, he brought a tramp into our house, into my bed. I was forced to go back to him and apologize for rebelling as his wife. A good wife listens to her husbands and burrys his secrets.

You can only imagine how things went from that day. He constantly wanted to explore things, and explore other people, while I sat in the guest room, listening to my husband being pleased by another. I refused to touch him, or have him touch me, and thats when he started to force himself on me. He would wake up in the morning with a disgusted look, ashamed by what he had done to me, and I just stayed in bed for days.

A year after we were married, I got pregnant. I cried, and cried, and cried. 3 days later I had a misscarriage. I cried, and cried, and cried.

Yes I am only 21 years old, but I have seen a lifetime of pain and mysery. I have been to the ultimate low and back up. I have experienced it all and all I had were my fantasies of falling in love the right way, where it didnt hurt or hurt me back.

I enrolled at Kuwait University, applied as a teller at my brothers bank and joined a gym. I first shed off all the excess weight on my body, then toned up. Next I added many layers into my hair giving it volume, and then I dyed it. I could not change what had happened to me emotionally, but there was no harm in changing my physical appearance.

It worked.

I was the it girl on campus.

I went to sell my car, the car he bought me. I wanted something new and flashy, and as a form of apology my father offered to buy me whatever car I wanted. I knew what I wanted. I left the dealership with a new car, and an admiror.


We were both eying the same beauty, and it was the last one in stock, one of us would have to wait a month for the new shipment.

"Ishrayich a5alech ta5then il syara itha you meet me for coffee"

I wanted the car.

"name the place and time and I will be there"

"Give me your number"

"name the place and time, and I promise I will be there"

"starbucks palms, tomorrow at 3"

"I will see you there"

He walked away while I signed the papers, and paid for my new baby.

Starbucks Palms

"You came"

"I promised"

"What would you like?"

"I think I am capable of ordering my own drink thank you"

I did not give him a chance to respond, I got up and ordered my drink and a chocolate chip cookie.

"So, what do they call you?"

"A girl or a woman"

"Got jokes? I mean your name"


"A precious jewel"

"If you say so"

"So tell me about yourself, Jema"

"How about this, since you asked to see me you tell me about yourself, and if I like what I hear I will ask to see you, where I will tell you about myself"


I was already interested.

Fantasy part 3

3 years ago

"Yala banat ily jahiz minken yanzil ilqa3a, lat5aloun Hind bro7a ta7at"

"Inshalah mama, ana jahza, anzil an6er ma3a 5alty Hind"

I was 18, my senior year in high school and it was my cousin Samar's wedding, she was the first grandchild to get married and you could only imagine the joy and hype that over ran us. 5alty Hind, her mother, who was 3my's wife was already downstairs making sure everything was perfect. I threw my shall over my Cavalli dress and made my down the hallway, into the elevator and into the wedding ballroom.

"Mashalah 7beebty Jema you loook beautiful, yala inshalah ilfal lich"

"Mashkoura 5alty"

Samar was 18, like I was, she however was in her first year of university and was marrying the man of her dream whom happened to be wild 5alty, o ehya t9er bnt 3my, I was thrilled that I was related to both the bride and groom it only made the wedding more exciting for me. Samar and I constantly discussed our wedding night, our gowns and our husbands, she found her prince charming, while I had to be patient.

The wedding was well on its way, everyone was happy, the music was perfect, and most importantly I felt exqusite, feeling confident in my dress with my make up and hair do. My cousins and I were in the middle of song dancing away when an older lady tugged on my arm.

"7beebty, sht9eren 7g il3rous?"

"Samar bnt 3my o Fawaz wild 5alty"

"Mashalah, shino ismich?"


"3shat ilasamy, intay bl jam3a ma3a Samar?"

"La 5alty, ana lail7een bl thanawya inshalah bt5araj hal sina"

"Alah ewafgich 7beebty, yala il fal lich inshalah"

"Tslmeen 5alty"

Maysa, my cousin, gave me a quizical look "Shtaby?"

"ma adree she had a bunch of questions to ask"

"ooo I hear wedding bells"

Could she be right? No, she was just quiching her curiousness.

I sat in the main ballroom while the guests made their way to the buffet

5alty Hind was waving her arm at me "Jema"

"Na3am 5alty?"

"7beebty, 7assan beyey al7een bs 6l3ela bara o i5thay mina ilbu5our"

"Inshalah 5alty"

I tracked down my shall, couldnt find it so I wore Maysa's black blazor and headed to the front door.

"Jema, 7beebty, hatha wlday Khalid" the curious lady introduced me to her son.


I smiled, excused myself and walked over to 7assan who was Samar's older brother, I took the bu5our from him and glanced over to the stranger Khalid, he was watching me, I smiled and made my way back to the wedding ballroom.

2 months later

"Mama, I have some good news"

I was lazing by the pool trying to work on my tan.


"5air ib wayhich, fe nas dagen ya56ibonich, ishrayich?"

"Ily tshofena yuma, if you think he is a good man then I dont mind"

"7beebty, he uhwa 5oush wa7id ana a3arif uma t9er rfejat 5altich Hind"

"Okay yume, bs yadroun ana lail7en ma t5arajt?"

"ee ilwalad ra7 yt3araf 3laich 3la ma it5al9een min ilthanwya b3dain itha alah kitab ekoun il3rs, isma Khalid ilflani"

Khalid and I took an interest in each other instantly. We spent 6 months engaged where we got to know each other, and a week after my graduation was my milcha and at the end of the summer was the wedding.

I was married and happily in love with my prince charming.

Or so I thought.

Fantasy part 2

"Hath shfee raylich, kil shahar radich lna tara ilzawaj mo l3b, intay shsawaitay, akeed minich, intay soosa, 9ij bilsha ana al7een ishbasawi shfeech? la shahada, la wa'6eefa, istagfar allah"

"Mama 7beebty oboch m39ib shway malich shu'3ul feeh, bacher inshalah ikalim Khalid 3shan eridich"

Yes, this was what I heard everytime I came home. It somehow always managed to be my fault, I never said anything what would I say.

"Thelfay darich ma aby ashof rig3at wayhich fahma"

"inshalah yuba"

knock knock

"Jema, you okay?"

"Ee Yas, I will be"

"I hope they dont force you to go there, I wish you would stay here with me"

"I hope so to Jas, lets go to bed" I hugged my baby sister and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to Khalids hollering.

"Ana ma abeeha, 5ala9 6ab 5a6ry ma ni9la7 7g ba3a'6 ya 3my 7aram ta'6lmha ehy bntik"

"ishbasawy feeha, 6y7a ib chabdy Khalood e5ith-ha ma3ak o ana adfa3lik, 5alha trou7 iljam3a, ily taby bs lat5aleha 3ndy"

"Bu Bader my9eer itgoul 3n bntik chithi, 7aram 3aik, 5ala9 5alha ma3ana"

"La illah ilah allah, mashy mashy, bs ana maly shu'3ul feeha, intay mas2oula 3nha"

Knock Knock

"Yuma, Jema ga3da?" tears slowly dripping down my cheeks

"ee yuma"

"7beebty lat9y7een yuma lat3wren galby"

"Shloun mataby a9ee7 o ana tawny sam3a oboy egoul ma yabeny, laish ma yabeny ana shsawait, alah ma kitab bainy o bain 5alid"

"Adree yuma, adree 7beebty oboch kber bl 3mr o uhma 3ndihum wa7da mi6alaga shay kbeer, wala mo ga9da yuma, ms7eha ib waihy"

"Yuma aby asajil bljam3a, o aby adawerly wa'9efa"

"Inshalah 7beebty, ana akalm oboch edawerlich shay"

Bader walked in

"Ha Jemo, ilbait imnawr ib wjodich 7beebty, ashwa inich radaitay"

"thanks badoor, aby asajil bl jam3a, shrayik?"

"5oush, we need tellers 7g dawam il39er if you are interested"

"Ee please"

Oboy walked in

"6l3aw aby akalim Jema"


"Jema, 7beebty sam7eny, adre il kalam ily gilta ism ilbdn o ma adree min wain 6il3 ilkalam yuba sam7eny"

"Yuba walla ana asfa, ma adre sh9ar, wala ma sawait shay o 7awalt ma3a akther min mara bs alah ma kitab"

"Adre yuba, adree, yala bnaity radatly!"

Fantasy part 1

Khalid: thelfay, a9alan ana ibtilasht feech blsha, mino '3airy yabeech, by5a, o di3la, o sa5efa, jaikara o mteena, mat3arfeen itsolfeen? mat7seen? Tadreen shloun intay 6alag bl thalth bly my7af'6ich BARA!

I walked out of my husbands house and headed towards my parents. This happened every few months since we got married. We were not compatable, we both knew it, it was an arranged marriage and I guess he liked what my parents had to offer, and what their name stood for.

Here I am a 21 year old girl and divorced. Dont get me wrong, I was not heavy, I might not have been a perfect 10, but I had a an okay body. I had long light brown hair, and matching eyes. I didnt go to school I got married right after high school.

Here is how it all started...

February 23, 2009

Thank you

Thank you for your kind words, it meant a lot coming from my readers. I wont be posting anything new, but I will however be keeping my blog.

Feel free to ask anything, or if you would like to discuss anything at all I dont mind.

Thank you once again.

February 20, 2009

The End

3bdullah: 7beebty?

Lulu: 7yatiee inta shh, dont speak please lets just sit here, together.

3bdullah: Inshalah 7beebty.

We stayed there.

I stayed there holding the love of my life, the man that completed me, in my arm, while he was lifeless.

I just held him. I was all cried out. I was beyond numb. My nerves were shattered.

I sat there for 3 hours before Fai9al walked in.

He looked at me, then down at 3bdullah. He pulled out his phone and called for the right arrangements.

Everything was black. All I heard were sirens. All I felt was his lips.

3bdullah: a7bich, amout feech, please dont leave me 7beebty please wala I need you, I will die without you!

Lulu: I am not going anywhere, I promise you, I will stay by your side. I want to be your wife, I want to be the mother of your child.

3bdullah: One day, inshalah one day we will be together. 7beebty promise me something, promise me one thing

Lulu: Anything

3bdullah: Dont forget me, please dont forget me.

Lulu: 3BDULLAH, 3BDULLAH, 3BOOOOODY.....7beeby

Mama: smilah 3laich 7beebty, mama 5ala9 its been a year lain mita wntay 3la hal 7al....la illah ilah allah!

I felt my mothers tears, I felt her pain. That was the only thing I felt. The only thing I would feel for 2 years.

It took me 2 years to get back into the world.

2 years to see people.

2 years to talk.

It took me 4 years to talk about him to all of you.

It will take a lifetime before I could forget him.

I meet his parents every Monday for lunch.

His clothes are still in my closet.

His smile is still in my every dream.

He bought me a land next to his parents, he bought me a house next to my parents, he left me his shalaih, he left me his will.

Even though it seems like he left me everything to help me get over him, I am still missing the most important thing.


My baby, my 3bdullah.

He changed my life. I became alive when I was with him, even through the hard times I knew what my purpose was in life.

Now I am lost, walking around like a lifeless human. I lost my purpose.

I find myself locked up in my bedroom every night having conversations with him in my head. I sleep in his clothes, I drive his car, I sleep in his bed.

If I could spend one more day with him it would be the day I would marry him, or the day I find out I am pregnant with his baby. Actually, I wont be that selfish I just one more day in his arms.

I opened my heart.

I loved.

And I lost.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.

This is been the hardest thing I have done in my life, harder than loosing him.

If you could take one thing out of this, please dont be afraid to fall in love, dont be afraid to open your heart life is too short. Being afraid will get you no where, take chances and embrace life.

Please, live for me. I dont have it in me to smile, or to be happy.

So please do it for me.

Love Hurts,

but time heals all.



Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tefa'6al

Lulu: Ilsalam Dr.3bdulmi7sen, you wanted to see me?

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Ee Lulwa tefa'6ilay

Lulu: Dam fa'6lik.

Dr.3bdulmi7se: I am sure you noticed my son has not been to work for 3 months now, and I am sure you know why.

Lulu: Dr.3bulmi7sen..

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Lulu, let me finish please. My son has been hung up on you for almost a year now, he has been depressed for more than 6 months, la yakel, la yshrib, laynam, ga3id blshaliah myshouf a7ad, wla yaby ekalim a7ad. O lmn arou7 akalma he only talks about you. O we have talked to your mother, and you father and we all dont know why you wont just say yes.
Shino il 7l?

Lulu: I dont know what to say.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tell me the truth what is this about?

Lulu: I am scared.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Of what yuba?

Lulu: Ma adree, I dont think I am the right girl for him. He has been all around the world, he has see so many things and me, my life revolves around my family.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Okay and?

Lulu: I dont know.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: How about you go see him and talk about things?

Lulu: okay.

Dialing 3bdullah

3bdullah: Lulu? Is it really you? 7beebty?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, ee baby it is me

3bdullah: 7beebty, 7yatie wainich? wainich 3ny? laish hadaiteny? Mny gader a3esh min '3airich.

Lulu: 3bdullah please, you are breaking my heart. Can I come see you?

3bdullah: Ee 7beebty.

I parked my car in front of the shalaih. He was already standing outside waiting for me. He looked weary, broken down so frail. It broke my heart.

He pulled me into his arm, hugging me so tightly I felt my bones crushing.

3bdullah: A7ibich

Lulu: Amout feek

He lead me inside the shalaih, sat me down on the couch and placed his head on my lap.

He fell asleep.

I cried, for hours. I sat there crying while the love of my life slept peacefully on my lap.

He never woke up.


The next few months were simply unyielding. I did not accept any of his calls, I did not reply to any of his messages and at work I kept it professional.

He looked devastating, simple heart breaking. I wanted to rush over to him and hug him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything is going to be okay.

This went on for 4 months, and his mother called every week for 4 months. Sure, you are thinking if his mother called why did I not give in? Well, after every phone she made it clear that this is what her son wanted, and not what they wanted.

I felt like a robot. My life had fallen into a routine. Work, home, sleep..... That was my life.

No social life.

On the 4th month.

Shosho: Lulu, babe can I borrow your black heels, Mine don't look good with my dress.

Lulu: Sure.

Shosho: Thanks 7beebty.

Lulu: You look nice, where you off to?

Shosho: Oh, umm, 3mr's engagement party.

I was staring aimlessly at the television, flipping through the channels not looking for anything specific, I just needed to waste time.

I froze, and turned my attention away from the television.

Lulu: He got engaged?

Shosho: Ee, to a girl I work with. I recommended her and they hit it off.

Lulu: How long have the known each other?

Shosho: More than 9 months ago I think.

6 months, so he was with her while he was pursing me? Did he do all of that to destroy what 3bdullah and I had. And her, she kept talking to me about him. What happened to her? What changed her into this evil person.

I hate her.

I really do.

Lulu: Alah ehaneehum!

Shosho: Ee, il fal lich inshalah!

Lulu: ahaa.

3lawi: Shosho, 7beebty yalla mama we dont want to be late!

Great, now my brother is friends with him.

1 new message


1 new message
I need you

Me more

1 new message
Marry me

I cant

1 new message
Laish? Please explain to me please...

I just cant!

1 new message
Okay, Lulu I am done.
I am done hurting.
I am done crying, I am done chasing you!

Okay 3bdullah!

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: yeah

3bdullah: Bs chithi okay?

Lulu: What do you want me to say?

3bdullah: That you love me, that you want me in your life please baby please Luluty dont do this to me, dont do this to us please honey....

Lulu: 3bdullah

3bdullah: galba, 3youny, 3umry kila intay please Lulu I need you!

Lulu: bye 3bdullah.

Love really hurts.

February 19, 2009


I needed an escape route. This was all too much for me to fathom. My brothers needed me, my parents were relying on me, my aunt depended me, 3bdullah loved me and 3mr wanted me. Where is my knight? I needed someone, anyone.

3bdullah showed up bright and early the next morning bringing a large assortment of foods for breakfast. My uncle had woken up and has been transferred to a bigger room.

My cousins, my brothers, their wives, 3bdullah and myself enjoyed breakfast together, laughing and sharing stories.

I knew what everyone was thinking, I was thinking it myself. He fit right in with the family, as if we had known him for decades.

The next few days were spent like that. We would rush off to work for a few hours, and rendezvous back at the hospital. The doctor discharged my uncle, and we were all thrilled.

3my: Lulu 7beebty mala da3y ingoul 7g ilwalid, a5af e7aty

Lulu: 3la ra7tik 3my.

3my: 9a7 kalamy 3bdullah?

3bdullah: Ee 3my ana rayey min rayik.

The gatherings were relocated to my uncles house. I never kept my phone around me afraid 3mr might send me something that might upset my mood.

We headed home that night, and the boys came into my room for the usual; Chai 7leeb and friends.

I sat on the couch next to Fai9al and he moved closer to me.

Fai9al: Lulu.

Lulu: Yes.

Fai9al: 3bdullah talked to us.

Lulu: regarding?

Fai9al: Tista3bi6ain, you!

Lulu: What about me?

Fai9al: Lulu, I know you are not slow fa drop this act ok.

Lulu: I don't want him.

Fai9al: How come?

Lulu: His parents will never accept of me.

Fai9al: ilrayal kalamna, what does that mean?

Lulu: It means ina uhwa ra7 yogaf '6d ahala for me, and I won't allow it.

Fai9al: Lulu...

Lulu: Fai9al please, just don't okay.

I was upset. I loved him but there was no way I was going to let him lose his family over me. I could never live with myself. I did not want my children growing up only knowing my side of the family.

5 am

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: aloo?

3bdullah: 9ba7 il5air 7beebty

Lulu: Its still early

3bdullah: Adree, yala gomay aby awadech mukan

Lulu: I am sorry I cant.

3bdullah: Lulu, 7beebty we have not been alone since the day of bl shalaih, a5er mara kalamtich was yomha, please baby I miss you.

Lulu:I am sorry I don't think this is appropriate, goodbye 3bdullah.

I was the one breaking my own heart. But this was for the best. Being in love should be blissful, I should have no worries, no cares because I am with the man I love.

I no longer felt this way. I was in so much pain, and I just cannot handle it. I cannot handle him.

Love hurts


Please don't do this, not today.

I walked into the house, hoping I would not see any of my brothers. Just as I was about to get into my room.

Marzouq: baby sis?

Lulu: Yes honey?

Marzouq: Wainch ilyoum?

Lulu: I had to work late

Marzouq: you look exhausted

Lulu: I feel exhausted

We both looked at each other, he did not look so well himself.

Lulu: Zooz, can I sleep here with you? I dont want to sleep alone.

Marzouq: Ee please, I dont want to be alone.

Lulu: Okay 7yatie let me shower and change and join you.

I took a long shower and got into my PJ's and headed over to Marzouq's bedroom. I found Fai9al laying on the couch, and 6alal was on the other side of the bed.

It was such a gloomy day for us all.

Lulu: Ishfeekum?

Fai9al: Um, Lulu, have a seat

Lulu: ish9ayer Fai9al, you are scaring me.

Fai9al: 3my bl mustashfa, he had a heart attack and they had to operate since an artery was blocked.

Lulu: Why are we here?

Fai9al: Visiting time is over, Oboy ma yadry ra7 ingoula lmn egoum bl salama inshalah

Lulu: Ameen inshalah, lets get some sleep.

I snuggled into bed, in between 6alal and Marzouq. Marzouq came close to me and I hugged him, and 6alal hugged me.

I had to be strong for my brothers, they needed me to be strong.

We woke up early the next morning, we were all feeling on edge we did not want to discuss the matter at hand.

A7mad: 9ba7 il5air, yala meshaina

Mona: Lulu honey you dont look so good are you ok?

Lulu: It is okay honey, aham shay 3my mo muhim ana!

Fai9al: You dont look so good

Lulu: Aren't we heading to a hospital?

Fai9al: Okay then, mental note avoid Lulu

Marzouq walked over to me and placed his arm around my waist. We piled into the cars and headed over to the hospital.

We walked down the long fluorescent hallway and up the elevator. I saw 5alty sitting outside, I walked over to her and hugged her.

Lulu: myshouf shar inshalah

5alty: Il shar myeech

Mona: 5alty il doctor ma gal shay?

5alty: embla he did, gal il7imdilah il3malya went okay but they are waiting for him to recover now, ilshabab da5el 3ndihum.

My brothers headed inside to be with my couins' during these hard times.

Mona and I stayed outside with 5alty.

3bdullah: Um Lulwa?

It cant be him. What is he doing here?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, 5alty 3bdullah ilX moderna bl dawam

3bdullah: Ilsalam 3laikum 5alty, 5a6akum ilsue inshalah

5alty: 5a6ak il lash ya wlaidy!

3bdullah: Mona, a7mad mawjoud?

Mona: Ee la7'6a anady

I stood there staring at him, what did he want with me.

A7mad: Hala 3bdullah, shlonik?

3bdullah: Ib 5air il7imdillah, shftkum da5leen ilmustashfa fa s2alt o 36ony 5abar ina 3mik, myshouf shar inshalah

A7mad: ilshar myeek 7beeby tislam!

3bdullah: ana ast2then 3yal

5alty: La yuma, ma '6yfnak, Lulu yuma yebay il7lw, o Mona ilgahwa ehnak

Lulu: Tefa'6al 3bdullah

3bdullah: Dam fa'6lich Lulwa.

My aunt and my brother entertained 3dbullah. It took my aunt exactly 15 minutes to hit it off with 3bdullah. Before I knew it she had asked him to pass by the next day.

At 9 we headed back home. This time the boys slept in my room.

1 new message

Not today please

1 new message
I talked to my parents.


3bdullah: ya 3my ilnas edigoun, e6igoun il bab egoloun shay mo bs edar3moun!

I pushed my face deep into 3bdullah's chest. I was flushed, ruddy, burning. I could not look at him, I needed to go.

3bdullah sensed my discomfort and was trying to ditch 3mr.

3mr: Ana ib rayey il ga3d itsawe '3ala9

3bdullah: ana ma s2altik ya 3my

3mr: Lulu, did he hurt you?

3bdullah: 3MR, malik shu'3ul feeha, wa5er 3n il 6reej

3mr: LULWA, 6al3eny

3bdullah held me tighter. I looked up at him, I was sorrowing.

3bdullah: 7beebty lat7ateen nothing will happen to you.

Lulu: 3mr, what do you want?

3mr: ana abeech intay bs mo ib hal 6arga ana aby zawaj mo li3ib.


3mr: haha ok ok, ana mashy, Lulu akalmich b3dain 7beebty.

Lulu: 3bdullah please take me home, please dont leave me, ma aby akoun bro7y please 7beeby

3bdullah: Wa5ray 3ny

Lulu: 3bdullah, whats wrong?


Lulu: what...what are you saying?

3bdullah: ana ma abeech!

Lulu: But, but I love you!

3bdullah: o wain a9refha?

Lulu: You are just upset, I dont blame you. We will talk about this later.

3bdullah: Ro7ay Lulwa, please baby just go!

I walked out of his shalaih appalled, astounded and aching from the inside.

3bdullah, my 3bdullah, the love of my love just left me like that.

I got into my car, and hurried back home. I was just staring out onto the street not paying attention to anything or anyone.

Apparently 3bdullah had followed me home to make sure I arrived safely.

1 new message
I am sorry, for everything.

I looked at my phone.

Its okay

1 new message

Are you my boyfriend?

1 new message
Always and forever

What happened a few minutes ago

1 new message

O ana ishthanby?

1 new message
7beebty ana asif


1 new message
Will you marry me?

February 18, 2009


3mr's messages continued coming at random moments. He felt it was necessary to remind me about 3bdullah's parents and how they would never accept me as a wife for their son.

At moments, things became awkward between me and 3bdullah, and I decided the best way to avoid a full blown out argument, I decided to declineon the Dubai trip.

1 new message


1 new message
We need to talk

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: Hello

3bdullah: Are you leaving me?

Lulu: ahaha dont be silly, I just want to talk to you.

3bdullah: 5ara3teny

Lulu: Sorry, um when can I see you?

3bdullah: Ana bl shalaiah, I dont know if you want to come?

Lulu: Will there be anyone there?

3bdullah: La bs ana I needed time away min ahly

Lulu: I will call you when I am closer for directions.

1 new message
Mona, I need you

I got your back 7beebty

1 new message
Thank you ;*

I wore skinny dark jeans, with a white t-shirt and a yellow cardigan.

An hour later I arrived to his shalaih. I should have been afraid, there was no way of explaining this to anyone if I were to be seen. I was greeted at the door by 3bullah. He was wearing brown trunks and a white t-shirt.

I had been going over, in my head, what I wanted to talk to him about, but seeing him like this I just wanted to spend the day with him. The last time we had been alone was a while back, I missed those days.

3bdullah: 7beebty

Lulu: Hala 7uby.

Yes I had picked up on the whole being lovey dovey thing and he absolutely loved it.

3bdullah: I love you in color.

Lulu: Well, I love you!

3bdullah: Walla 9ij??

Lulu: Yup.

3bdullah: Inzain goleha bl 3raby please.

Lulu: How about we go in.

3bdullah: yala 7yach!

I spent a few hours in the shaliah with 3bdullah. Something just felt right about being there with him, and even though we were along my sweet heart did not even try anything funny.

Lulu: 3boody honey I should be getting alone I don't want to be too late.

3bdullah: Ma aby ahidich

Lulu: Me neither, but it is getting late and I don't want to put Mona in a difficult situation.

3bdullah: Yala 7beebty, ana ra7 asayrich.

Lulu: Um, honey?

3bdullah: 3yona

Lulu: I won't be coming to Dubai with you.

3bdullah: Haaa? laaaaaish??

Lulu: Well, to be honest, 3mr will be there and I don't know how comfortable I would be around him.

3bdullah: i7na shako feeh we will be alone, well ma3a A7med and Mona.

Lulu: I know baby, but it just gives me an uneasy feeling.

3bdullah: Baby, I was so excited I planned out so many things for us. We are leaving in a few days.

Lulu: I know I am sorry please forgive me, I will inform your father.

3bdullah: Lat7ateen I will tell him, yala meshaina?

Lulu: Are you not going to change?

3bdullah: Ee 9a7.

Right there, in front of me he took off his white t-shirt and casually walked around the shalaih looking for his shirt. I was flushed, I wanted to peel my eyes off his muscular body but I just couldn't. It was simply perfect.

He was simply perfect.

3bdullah: You like what you are seeing?

Lulu: Haa?

3bdullah: Amout 3la ily tisti7y!

Lulu: Could we please go.

3bdullah: 6al3eny

Lulu: 3bdullah, please stop this kidding around I really need to leave.

3bdullah held my arms, and placed kisses all over them. I just stood there watching his lips as they planted kisses on my arms.

He came close to my face, he planted a kiss on my chin, a kiss on each cheek, a kiss on each eye, one on my nose and lastly he eyed my lips.

Lulu: What are you waiting for ?

3bdullah: you!

Lulu: What do you mean?

3bdullah: My lips are tired, they did all that work and were not rewarded.

Lulu: well then I guess your lips will have to wait.

He moved in to close the tiny gap between us and planted his perfectly proportioned lips onto mine.

I stopped breathing.

3bdullah: Lulu 7beebty lazem you breathe.

I gasped for air.

Lulu: I forgot to breathe

3bdullah: la7a'6t

Lulu: Can we please go

3bdullah: la7'6a one more, but this time breathe, and shway open your lips I want to suck on them.

This was all too much for me, my brain let alone my nerves could not handle it. Before I could open my mouth to blurt out how I was feeling.

He placed his lips onto mine, this time more forceful, he placed on arm on my back and the other on my face pulling me closer to him. I did as I was told. I parted my lips slightly and enjoyed the light tug I was feeling on my lips, I decided I wanted to lightly lick his lips.

He moaned.

I smiled.

3mr: i7m, am I interrupting ?

1 new message
yal shai6ana

February 16, 2009

Im sorry

To my devoted readers,

Thank you for your concerns everything is fine. I had to leave for a few days for work and I was not able to post anything since my day was hectic.

I am sorry.

I should be heading back to Kuwait on Tuesday inshallah and I promise you a few posts to make up for my absence.

Thank you for being patient.

February 12, 2009


Nothing 7beeby, I am on my way to work

1 new message
5ara3tny, gmt a7aty

lool, sorry baby ;*

I wanted to be okay, I wanted to just brush off everything 3mr told me. I wanted to believe him with all my heart.

I just couldn't. I knew this was too good to be true.

Mona: Shfeech? You left early today.

I shut her office door behind me, and began to weep. I was turning into an emotional wreck and was hating it.

I updated her about my morning encounter with 3mr.

Mona: Lulu, honey intay you are like my sister now and I am sorry to tell you but do you honestly belive that he will marry you? Oppose his parents choice?

Another thing I was not expecting to hear.

Love Hurts.

Lulu: I have not thought about it.

Mona: Maybe it is time to think about it.

Lulu: We have not been dating for a year.

Mona: Okay, but you are 26.

Age. It dictates our life. After a certain age society gives up on us, we are "old". We have no chance of getting married, which is every mothers nightmare.

It was my mothers nightmare.

It was my nightmare.

Incoming call 3bdullah
Lulu: Aloo?

3bdullah: wainich?

Lulu: I am in Mona's office, is something wrong?

3bdullah: La 7beebty, why do you always think like that, bs I passed by your office and it was empty fa I was disappointed leana ma ka7alt 3ainy ib shoftich.

Lulu: Um, I will talk to you later.

3bdullah: 5oush ta9refa hathy, ok 3la ra7tich.

I had upset him, I could tell from his tone I just did not know what the right response would be.

1 new message
3mr is joining us in Dubai?

Ee berou7 il workshop, ishdarach?

1 new message
Shosho told me.

That was the first time I lied to him.

Dont worry about him though.

1 new message
Why would I baby, all that matters is us being together.

B3d 3umry ;*

The day passed by very slowly, there was not much work to do yet everyone stayed in their office.

Incoming call Shosho
Lulu: Hello there

Shosho: Hii, are you free for lunch?

Lulu: Yes I am, you have something in mind?

Shosho: Yup, I need to talk to you.

Lulu: Okay call me when you are here.

I walked over to Mona's office and she informed me she was having lunch with her sisters.


1 new message


1 new message
Barou7 lunch ma3a Shosho, ayeblik shay ma3ay?

La 7beebty bl 3fya, we are ordering in.

1 new message
Alah e3afeek, okay honey ;*

1 new message
Im downstairs.

I headed over to the elevator and then out to Shosho's car. We both did not want to eat so we decided on going to Coffee bean.

Shosho: I hate how things are between us now, I feel like I no longer have my best friend.

Lulu: Well you said it, you are a married woman.

Shosho: What is that suppose to mean?

Lulu: Ask yourself, you keep saying that to Mona and I.

Shosho: I just mean I no longer want to do things I use to do prior to 3lawi.

Lulu: So you dont want to do things you did 8 years ago?

Shosho: Why are you being bitchy.

Lulu: Its a side effect of being frigged.

Shosho: Look, Lulu I am sorry. I just want the best for you, and that is why I think you should consider 3mr.

Lulu: Inshalah.

Shosho: Unless you have someone.

I just looked at her.

It was such an awkward outing. I didn't know how to act around my own best friend. She turned into someone completely new. Someone I could no longer understand.

It was sad.

1 new message


How does he know I am going to Dubai? Is he coming as well? This cannot be happening

I went to bed that night thinking about 3mr and the message he sent me, and I reached a conclusion, I had to talk to him. 3bdullah was not going to take care of it.

I was.

1 new message
3mr, please I would like to see you in the morning before I have to be in the office.

I thought you would never ask.

I woke up early once again, cursing myself for meeting him so early, wore a navy blue dress with brown heals, I put my hair up.

1 new message
I am at Starbucks

I am on my way.

We decided to meet at Starbucks Salmya, the one infront of Al-Fanar mall since people hardly go there.

I parked, and walked over to him. He looked handsome in his dishdasha. I was nervous, however, in a good way.

There goes the guilt again.

Lulu: Hala 3mr shlonik?

3mr: Hala wala Lulu, I did not know what you drank, what can I get you?

Lulu: I can go its okay.

3mr: La wala, gi3day what would you like?

Lulu: Grande extra hot white chocolate mocha with cream and extra caramel please.

3mr: uggh, okay I think I got it lool.

I need to focus, to remember that he is not a good person, or is he?

3mr: So, what did you want to talk about?

Lulu: I don't know how to bring this up, it's quit embarrassing really.

3mr: Lulu, you can tell me anything. I know I have been acting like a hormonal teenager, but from the moment I laid eyes on you I felt like we had a connection. Then the day we talked in your office, we have a lot in common, don't you think?

Lulu: Well, honestly I do agree but the way you went about pursuing me did not do it for me. I would have preferred if you had come directly to me and asked for my number.

1 new message
Good morning ya a7la girlfriend bl dinya ;*

3mr: You see, he causes a problem

My mind was focused on the message, and its contents that I did not listen to what he said.

3mr: See what I mean?

Lulu: I am sorry I missed what you said!

He came closer to me.

3mr: How can I pursue you when you have someone else you are pursuing?



Lulu: I should be taking off I am sorry.

He sat back into his seat.

3mr: Alah ma3ach, I would not want to keep you away from 3baid.

My brain was functioning, and it was telling my body to move but my body was not responding.

Lulu: I beg your pardon?

3mr: Sm3teny, I know about you and 3baid and even though I really did not want to lose my cousin but for you....its worth it.

I sat back down.

Lulu: You cannot drop something like that on me and expect me to just walk away.

3mr: Shofay 3baid is like a brother to me, and I want the best for him but I just wanted to tell you in 5alty has someone in mind for him and after we come back from Dubai she is going to talk to the girls mom.

Lulu: You are just saying that, does he know?

3mr: Ma adree, bs I mean kanat his ex-girlfriend and he wanted to marry her bs ehya she thought she was in love with someone else.

I needed to get out, I could not breathe, my chest cavity was slowly ripping into my heart.

This cannot be happening.

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Luluty, 7beebty...shfeech?

February 11, 2009


Excuse me?

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I know what you are doing in there!

Talking to my boss.
What is it to you?

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hahaha ya 7mra, you should do something have you seen him?

Need I remind you that you are married to my brother ;p
AND no sharing is NOT caring in this situation lol ;p

3bdullah: Mino?

Lulu: Its Mona, being a tease!

3bdullah: She knows about us right?

Lulu: Yes, I am sorry I told her the day we were in Paul and you were in Starbucks, she some what sensed something. I hope that was okay.

3bdullah: Luluty 7beebty, I wanted us to be a secret between us, bs its okay Mona knowing will make things easier I guess.

Lulu: Okay, I should be heading back to my office, I don't want anyone to get suspicious.

I walked over to my office, thinking about something he said. He told me that he stood up to his parents, and now he is contradicting himself by telling me he wants no one to know?

Either way, who was I going to ask...Fai9al? No, I couldn't I lied to him twice already.

I proceeded back to work, I had to stay in for lunch since I really was behind. A7mad and Mona had lunch with us in the office.

Mona: 7beeby, a7midy?

a7mad: hala ya galby

Mona: Fee a workshop ib Dubai in 2 weeks o Dr.3bdulmi7sen yabeny ana o Lulu to go since girls hardly go. All husbands and wives are expected to come as well. What do you think?

a7mad: I think we are all going to Dubai

Lulu: Thank you a7mad

a7mad: Your welcome baby sis, its for your work I am not gonna stand in your way, I will take time off work 7g that week.

Mona: Laish week i7na bnrou7 2 days.

a7mad: La mama, take that week off 3shan we stay there, hm intay Lulu.

Lulu: We will see inshalah.

To be honest, the only think I heard my brother say was yes to the trip, after that I muted them out of my concentration. Something was wrong, I could tell something was going to happen.

Istagfar allah!

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What is the verdict?

We are going to Dubai baby ;p

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hahah ;*
I am have lunch m3a a friend, kanat ma3y bl jam3a


bl 3fya ;*

Should I have been jealous? Should I be mad? Whoever said being a relationship is a piece of cake LIED.

Speaking of cake, I could have some!

I stopped at Paul in Marina on my way home, and bought everything they had. I then stopped at Baskin Robbins and also bought everything they had.

Again I say relationships are not fun, I am about to eat like a cow!

Marzouq: LULU!!!

Lulu: ya zooz

Marzouq: LULU, bsr3a ta3aly please

I ran up to his room, something was wrong!

Lulu: SHFEEEK???

Marzouq: intay shfeeck chinich shyfa shaba7, shoufay shino your boss sharaly!

Lulu: You screamed, and almost stopped my heart for this?? What in the world is it?

Marzouq: PSP bs its the sooped up one, 3ndich raqma aby adig ashkira.

Lulu: 3aib al7een tawna 6al3een min ildawam akeed he is having lunch b3dain dig 3ly!

Marzouq: Inshalah.

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Dubai ;*
I cant wait!


Lulu: Whaat, ishdarak 3mr?

3mr: I just knew, hmm so I guess this makes it harder but it doesn't mean I wont fight my cousin for you.

Lulu: 3mr don't, please don't, I love him, I love him....I love him......................

Istagfar allah what I way to wake up. I need to do something. I need to tell one of them. I wont be responsible for a family feud.


I took a shower I needed to wash away that awful dream. Why was this happening to me, why won't he leave me alone.

I walked downstairs.

Lulu: "Good morning, Damena, Good monring Marjy, Damena please I wanted scrambled eggs, thank you"

I walked over to the couch, and was peering out the window,lost in my own thoughts, but was quickly sucked back into real life, by my loving nanny.

Damena: Lulu, habeby when you get married? I want to see your baby, you are like my daughter

I just smiled. There was no right way of answering that question.


It defined life, we were made to repopulate, and we repopulate after we get married. Where does love fit into all of that?

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Girlfriend :(

Boyfriend, whats wrong 7beebty

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I miss you ya galby!

7beeby, I miss you too, you wanna grab coffee before work?

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haha okay I am have breakfast now I will call you when I leave the house.

Fai9al: LULU, intay ta7at"

Lulu: Yes Fai9al, I woke up early.

He came over, and kissed the crown of my head.

Fai9al: 9ba7 il5air, 3sa ma shar, ishfeech ga3a mbacher?

Lulu: Nothing honey, I just need to head over to the office early I am behind on some paper work and we have meetings all day so I won't be able to finis.

Fai9al: aah ok, inzain Lulu you sure you have nothing to talk about, nothing going on in that pretty head of yours?

Lulu: haha 9ooly, you know I would come to you ya galby right.

Fai9al: okaaay, I need to go to iljam3a 3ndy imti7an

Lulu: Good luck sweetie!

I went up stairs and slipped into black skinny jeans, a white shirt with a Grey vest and black heels the last and most important accessory was the ear rings he got me.

We met in coffee bean, we knew we would not run into anyone since it was early, I got my Vanilla Ice blended with extra cream and caramel, yum.

3bdullah: We should do this every morning.

Lulu: haha if you wanna wake me up

3bdullah: I would love to, you looking amazing 7beebty

Lulu: 3boody, 7beeby I need to talk to you about something and I really do not know how to bring it up. It is such a big thing, and someone is going to end up hurt, and....

Before I could finish..

3bdullah: This is about 3mr right?



Silence. Shock and Fear

Lulu: You knew?

3bdullah: 7beebty, only an idiot would have not figured it out, intay shftay shloun y6al3ich? shloun ekalmich? its freaky!

Lulu: Baby I wish you told me, I was worried.

3bdullah: Don't worry about it I will deal with him

Lulu: Please, 3bdullah ma aby mashakil intaw ahal.

3bdullah: Ya 7lwich wntay titklmain 3rby, shofay dont worry 7beebty.

We talked for a few more minutes then headed back to the office.

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Metting at 11


Mona: 9ba7 il5air, someone left early this morning.

Lulu: Close the door and come sit down.

Mona: Whats up babe?

Lulu: I had an awful dream about 3mr, and it freaked me out so I told 3bdullah.

Mona: Inzaaaain, and?

Lulu: He knew!!


Lulu: He mentioned something about it being very obvious, is it?

Mona: well, kinda!

Lulu: Inzain yalla, we have a meeting.

During the meeting 3bdullah informed us about the upcoming workshop in Dubai. He informed us how each employee could bring their significant other with them.

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Intay ra7 tithbi7ny walla!

Simla 3laick 7beeby, laish what did I do

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Ma sawaity shay, just the fact that you are you!
Also, those jeans kinda help ;p


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3youna, galba, intay 7yata killah

a7ibik ;p

Incoming call

Luwla, Dr.3bdullah needs to see you in his office, with the X papers please.

I walked over to his office.


3bdullah: tefa'6al

Lulu: Uh Dr.3bdullah you wanted to see me

I turned around to close the door and the next thing I know he has me pinned against the wall. I was scared.

Lulu: 3bdullah what are you doing? Someone can walk in!

3bdullah: tkelmy 3raby

Lulu: 3bdullah, this is not the time.

3bdullah: tkelmy 3raby!

Lulu: wa5er 3ny

3bdullah: a7ibich

Lulu: 3bdullah

I placed my hand on his chest to try to push him away. I looked up into his eyes, his nose, and lastly his eyes. They looked succulent. I wrapped my arms around his waist to stop myself from doing something I would forever regret.

We stood there holding each other, for what seemed like forever.

It felt right.

Nothing could go wrong.

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tut tut tut, yal shai6na, kilish ma hagait-ha minich!