Truth

fantasy part 12

2009-03-04T05:06:00.003+03:00

Rashed was going to London for 3 months for a training job, and we had decided that once he was back we would make things official between us. I focused on my studies while Jas drooled over Mish3al, he truly was great we saw him on a daily basis and he was ever so attentive to Jas and her demands. My parents were going away for a few days, their second honey moon as they called it.

"ishrayik insawe 7afla?"

"na3am?"

"walla jd, we have common friends lets have them over for a dinner, it wont be a party but we will have music"

My brother was right, we did have common friends, and we had never done such a thing it might actually be fun. That week we called up our friends, decided on the food and the music we were having the party on Thursday since it was a public holiday.

Incoming Call Rashody

"7beeby"

"Hala galby, shlnoch?"

"zaina, inta shlonik?"

"mishtaglich"

"ana akthar"

"7beebty intay, shbtsween hal weekend?"

"Bader, Jas and I are having a dinner for some friends, I wish you were here so I could show you off infront of my friends"

"ilayam yaya inshalah"

"inshalah"

"5ala9 ya 3umry ana ma a6wil 3laich, bs knt aby asma3 9outich, msg me when your party is done"

"inshalah, bye 7beeby"

"bye"

I was overjoyed that Rashed called me, that I managed to over look that fact that he called me from his Kuwaiti number and not his UK number.

We got ready and our guests started to slowly roll in. Samar introduced me to a girl whom apparently was in a class with me, her name was Fa6ma.

"Jema, honey this is Fa6ma, her sister works with me"

"Hala Fa6ma, shlonich?"

"il7imdillah Zaina, intay shloonich?"

"Tamam il7imdilah"

We started talking and I found out she was in my management class. Samar asked me about Rashed, and I explained to her who he was and this is what she said.

"that is so strange, he sounds exactly like my boyfriend"

I brushed off that small remark, it was mere coincidence.

It was dinner time, and Jas was playing the amazing host shmozing with the guests, and of course showing off her better accessory her fiance, Mish3al.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice announced from behind me, I knew who it was. My heart stopped.

"RAHODY"

"7beebty, I wanted to suprise you and I was glad when it didnt click with you inna I called min 5a6y ilkuwaiti"

"Oh my god, 9aa7 mastaw3bt!"

"Thats why I loved you, I missed you, everyday I was away I missed you more and more"

"Ya galby ana ily I missed you, it sucks here without you"

"We finished early, that is why I am back, and now we can make things official baina, and btkoneen 7alaly, aboosich kither ma aby"

"hahaha yal shai6an, yala baby lets eat I am hungry"

We were making our way to the buffet when we heard.

"RASHOOOOODY"

Rashody? Did I hear that correctly?

"Uh, Fa6ma, ish.....wha...um....ishyaybich ehnee, ishtabeen? theba7tny"

"I was invited, 7imdilah 3la samtik 7beeby, what are you doing here? and why havent you called me?"

"Um, Rashed, whats going on baby?"

"Baby, sweetie he is mine....this is my boyfriend!"

"This is MY fiance"

"E7a9ulich Rashood"

"Rashed, could you please say something" Samar interuptted

"Yes I can, emshaw inrou7 foug"

We headed to the upstairs living room. Yes, I was mad, furious but I did not let him go, I needed the support because all I could think about at that point was...its happening to me again, finally I find a man he is great and now he has a girlfriend?

"Fa6oom, 2lf mara gaylich its over....it was over a year ago, it was over 6 months ago, it was over before I left to London and guess what ITS STILL OVER, shtaben yaya bait 5a6enty jidam rabi3na, fe'9a7tena"

"Rashed, 7beeby adree you need time to think about things, and adree she is just a fling bs laish itgu9 3laiha o itgolaha ina you will marry her...you are suppose to marry me.....please marry me"
she broke down in tears "MA AGDAR AHIDIK...A7IBIK.....WALA IN MA TIZAWJTNY 9ADGENY RA7 TINDAM....wala ma ahdikum...ma ahidha ehya....il kil MAYET 3laiha bl jam3a...laish ma t5aleny a5ithik inta"

"Fa6ma I think you should leave" Samar said

"MABY!"

"Ha, mu bkaifich yala bly 7af'6ich"

"Rashed please, just think about it....please 3la shany!"

"Fa6ma 5ala9 yuba rou7ay"

Fa6ma left but her words stayed ringing in my mind. She did not seem like she was ready to let go of him, its been a year and she still has not let go of him.

"Baby, Jema, I am so sorry 7beebty, umy intay please sam7eny wala I thought I was done with her"

"But she called you before you left to London?"

"She called o 3baly taby shay ana knt ib London already fa I told her...baby walla nothing is going on"

"Okay"

"Baby, Jema....lets enjoy ourselves okay?"

"Um, inzain let me freshen up shway o anzil, Samar come with me please"

We headed over to my room, before the door shut I slammed to the floor.

"I cant Samar walla I cant, astgfar allah laish kil shay e9erly? ana shsawait? wala I am a good person, laish kil il mu9ayeb it9erly ana.....I knew he was too good to be true!"

"t3withay mn iblees Jema, nothing is wrong with him, it was a misunderstanding mithel ma shfaty"

"bs you heard her, she wont leave us alone, she is in class with me she could do anything"

"Do you want me to talk to her sister?"

"a5af her sister doesnt know"

"Okay w7na shako, ana agoulaha your sister is a psycho"

"hahaha Samar!"

"Jema, hun, lata7rimena min hal '6i7ka...you are finally happy, you are finally at ease and comfort with yourself, and Rashed is great mama dont let him go!"

"Inshalah"

"yala gomay freshen up o come back down and enjoy your party and the food, I made chocolate cake 7g mino?"

"7gy?"

"and the guests, bs okay 7gich"

"hahah wain Fawaz?"

"He had a dinner bs he should be on his way now"

"okay yalla emshay"

We went back down to our guests and I stood next to Rashed as he made small talk with everyone, yes I wanted to be with Rashed, yes I couldnt wait to start our lives together but something was just not right. I knew that was not the end of Fa6ma, she has been chasing him for a year, she wouldnt just give up.

I was terrified of what Sunday was going to bring.

fantasy part 11

2009-03-03T03:30:00.002+03:00

I saw Rashed 3 times a week, sometimes more it all depended on his work schedule. We were not a mushy couple, we said "I love you" once and never again and that is not because we did not mean it, we showed it as opposed to saying it.

"7beebty"

"Shfeek 3umry, you sound tired"

"ee walla minshili5 min ildawam 9ij ta3ban"

"a5aleek itnam"

"la ana raye7 ilshalaih, I took 3 days off fa bag3ad ehnak"

"Ya3nee mny shyftitik?

"7beebty embala aby shofich bs wala ma feny, 9ij ta3ban bacher inshalah I promise you!"

"um inzain can I pass by? I really miss you..."

"Akeed 7beebty 7yach, ana ma knt aby agolich I did not want to offend you ya galby"

"okaay ana yaya al7een"

His shalaih was around Samar's which was perfect. I know what you are all thinking, ehya she puts herself in these situations going over to men's places alone, but you need to understand I was in love, and Rashed and I were never sexual, we barely did anything other than holding hands I hadnt even kissed him yet. I parked my car and headed over to the front door, I walked in and called out for him, he notioned for me to join him outside. He had the grill on and 2 steaks on it.

"how do you like your steak?"

"Medium well please, im starving!"

"adree 7as feech"

"Aby something to drink"

"I just stocked up, yebely Pepsi ma3ach please"

"inshalah 7beeby!"

After dinner, we snuggled up into a one seater.

"mankafy"

"la inkafy, mo ibkaifich ta3aly"

"ahahha Rashody"

"3yona, thank you for coming walla you just made my day!"

"that is what I am here for, girlfriend ib balash"

"hahaha ta3aly"

He pulled me closer to his chest, I heard his heart beats fluttering.

"Can you feel my heart?"

"Ee shfeek?"

"Its always like this when you are close"

I looked up into his eyes, he was a good man I man I could depend on, a man who could carry me through life I hated his work schedule, would I be willing to put up with it?

"Jema dont over think, ily alah katba ra7 e9eer"

"how..how did you know?"

"I know its not easy being with me, I know what you went through and that is why I never tried anything I always kept my distance leana abech it3rfeen iny 9ij a7ibich o sharech o ma aby shay minich, kil ily aby inich itkoneen greba mny"

I tear escaped my eye.

"Dont you ever shed a tear when I am here"

I leaned in to give him a kiss, it was a long awaited passionate kiss. I kiss that left me light headed, a kiss that left me in a daze, it was the perfect kiss.

"laish your smiling"

"Baaaaaaaaby"

"Amout 3la ily yisti7oun, 7uby btnamen 3ndy?"

I looked up at him, and suddenly a mixture of emotions washed over me, Khalid, Ya3goub, the beating, the pain, the never ending tears.

"Jema, baby shfeech?"

I jumped out of his arms, and grabbed my keys and rushed out I sped all the way home I was scared I needed to be home, in bed!

"Jema, shfeech?" Jas called out for me

"Jema!!"

I locked myself in the room for 2 weeks, Rashed called everyday, every hour for 2 weeks.

"Yuma Jema, aby akalmich shway"

"na3am yuma?"

"Fe wa7id yay e5a6buch"

"mino?"

"Rashed ilflani"

I stayed quiet.

"Yuma intay it7ebina?"

I nodded.

"A5alehum eyoun"

I looked up at her. "3dy ana akalma awal?"

"akeed yuma"

Calling Rashody
"7beebty? Jema is that you baby?"

"ee baby its me"

"3ash mn sim3 9outich I was so worried, ana ma adree ish9ar bs ana asif 7beebty"

"3shat ayamik...agdar ashofik?"

"akeed Jema wain taben?"

We decided on a destination and a time. He stood up when he saw me and walked up to me and embraced me in a heartfelt hug.

"I missed you so much!"

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Laish ya b3d galby, ana I told you ina you will never shed a tear with me!"

"I love you Rashed, and I do want to be your wife but lazem you promise me you will never hurt me please Rashed I cannot take it anymore I just want to be with you"

"I would never Jema, ana abech ana sharech lmn e5tefaitay matadren sh9ar feny yanait o kalamt ahaly 3shan ya56ibonich....ishrayich imwafga?"

"Of course Rashody!"

"Ya b3d 3umry intay 3sa raby e5alech ly inshalah"

Fantasy part 10

2009-03-02T22:07:00.002+03:00

"JEMA!!!" Jas shrieked

"Ya 7beebty, laish il9ra5?"

"GUESS WHAT?"

"shfeekum" Bader yelled

"Mish3al wants to marry me"

"Mabrooook 7beebty, he is such a great man I am so happy for you" I really was

"Ha? uhwa yabech intay? bs intay wayed 9'3era, uhwa wayed akbar minich" Bader interogated

"Its about 10 years, its not so bad b3dain he is a great man I am not going to miss out on this"

"La, mako zawaj ana mo ra'6y b3dain ilmafrou'6 ya5ith Jema mo intay, she needs a break, she needs a good man!"

"Bader, that is not how it works he likes Jas, alah ehanehim inshalah you should be happy our baby sister is marrying a doctor"

"Sorry, Jas ma kan ga9dy 7beebty, mabrook"

I was happy, thrilled for my sister and Mish3al, but at he same time I could not help but feel jealous not because of whom she was with just because she was settled with a good man, honest, real, loving, caring and most importantly a real man. I know she can rely on him, and that he would never hurt her and to be honest that is all I cared about.

Meanwhile, Rashed and I were taking it one day at a time say the least. I know he worked for the police force and that he would never hit me, hurt me, or abuse me in any way but I wanted to be cautious my body might be able to handle it but my mind just couldnt, not anymore.

"Hala Jema, shlonich?"

"il7imdilah, inta shlonik? RASHED" he took off his hat and he had a black eye

"Ismilah 3laich, shfeech 7beebty?"

I automatically stood up and hugged him while he was sitting down, I do not know what got into me but I kissed his black eye. He looked up at me with his loving, caring deep black eyes.

"It5afeen 3ly?"

"Akeed I do, Rashed how can you ask me that"

He pulled me down into his lap, and we were locked in a mesmerizing stare, I was lifted out of my soul into another relm where it was Rashed and I alone.

"7beebty, breathe omy intay"

"I dont think I can, you have that effect on me"

"7beebty intay, Jema baby"

"Yes Rashody"

"A7ibich"

I looked down, and he placed his hand under my chin and pulled it up, our eyes interlocked.

"I will never hurt you, ana athba7 nafsy before I see you cry"

"Rashed"

"Galby"

"A7ibik"

2 months later was their formal engagement party, they were to stay engaged until she finished her second year at University. Something I was looking forward to espeically since we had a few classes together.

Fantasy part 9

2009-03-02T05:42:00.002+03:00

I was in a daze throughout the summer, I hardly left the house and as much as I needed my time alone to think, I was grateful my family, and Mish3al surrounded me.

"So James?" (my new nickname given to me by none other than the hottie doctor)

"Yes Mike?" (his new nicknames given to him by me)

"I saw its about time you headed out of your imprisonment and faced the world, shrayich?"

"Um, ily tshoufa Mish3al"

"La, ana aby ily ery7ich...itha intay mirta7a 3la hal wa'63 then by all means stay in, but sooner or later you are going to have to leave your haven and face the world"

To be frank, I was scared out of my skin from facing the world, as you have noticed I havent been so lucky with my life. I knew I was never street smart, but the whole incident with Ya3goub proved just how senseless I was. I agreed to go out with the family, I was not ready to see my friends. We headed over to Taal at Bidi3. And yes, Mish3al was with us.

"Badoory, till when is Mish3al planning on hanging out ma3ana?"

"You dont like him?"

"Mo 3n, bs I mean dont you find it awkward that he is constantly around the house and the family?"

"You dont remember? Plus I think he wants you"

"What, what happened?"

"Mo wagta al7een, agoulich lmn inrid il bait okay?"

Not again...is my memory rellapsing...what was his story? Did he tell me his story?

20 YEARS AGO MISH3AL AGE 8

"yuma alah e5alech lat5aleny bro7y ma3aha, i5theny ma3ach"

"Mish3al, ishfeek 3la Ranleen?"

"Walla kila she hits me and touches me, yuma alah e5alech wadeny ma3ach bait yady walla ma az3ijich, ma agoul wla kilma 7u6ny bl '3urfa o giflay 3lay, lat5aleny ma3aha"

Mish3al was an only son with parents that knew nothing about him, his mother's first priority was to be seen in the latest and he finest, and his father lived his own life in the diwanya. Mish3al was home alone, day in and day out with the house maids and his driver, his driver was the only male figure in his life. The parents never took him anywhere to see anyone or meet anyone. All he had was himself, his materialistic positions and his imagination, and what an imagination he had. Ranleen was the house nanny, she enjoyed beating him up every now and then, and since she knew the parents would never be as attentive as to look under his clothes for proof of her abuse she was at ease. Lately, not only has she been beating him up, she has been touching him, nothing sexual just touching him and threatening to chop off his genitals if he ever showed his parents his bruises. At age 10 his parents came home to a mute son. He just stopped talking, for 3 years Mish3al said nothing, he was a smart boy he went to school, listened to his teachers and aced everything excpet the oral part.

He never told anyone what had happened. Meeting my family and feeling at ease with them was his second chance at having a normal childhood with normal and caring parents. He never over stepped his bounderies or his stay but he made it a habbit to pass by every few days. My parents saw him as potential husband for me, little did they know he had his eye on my sister, Jas who at the time of my accident was 18.

Summer rolled in and out in a flash of an eye, and before I knew it the semester was starting. Physically all the changed about my appearance is the amount of weight I lost, a scar on my lip and one on my right cheek, other than that I looked fine. My friends were told the accident story and having the scars just proves it. As much as I was fearing being out in the world, I enjoyed my freedom away from everyone.

I had to stay late on campus one day to work on something, and by the time I was done it was already dark outside. I took out my car keys and my phone and hurried on to my car, it was a long walk and for some peculiar reason I was not at ease, I kept looking over my shoulder. I knew someone was watching me, I felt his presence. Just as I was about to shut my car door.

"Jemo"

"Ya3goub"

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??"

"Ya3goub please wa5er 3ny, you shouldnt be here"

"3yal wain? Prison?"

My heart was racing, I quickly scanned the parking lot hoping, praying someone would show up, anyone.

"9adgeny mafy a7ad '3airy, you know you really turned out to be a stupid stupid girl, ma adree shloun ahalich trust you to be alone"

"please, let me go.." I managed to say in between my tears.

I turned to my left to look at him, all I saw was his fist. He carried me out of my car and threw me in the backseat of his escalade. I woke up soar, and not from my head injury, I saw him drivig, I slowly tried to lift my head up, but everything was a blur to me.

3 hours later I woke up to find myself in a bed, in an unknown room, in the far corner a man sat there eying me.

"Ana wain? please 5alony arou7!!"

The man ran over to me and covered my mouth with his hand, I have always heard in movies that you see your life flash by you when you know you are about to die. All I saw flashing in front of me were my failurea, I wanted to die. No human deserves to go through what I have been through, I was a good person, yes maybe not as wise as others, or as smart as others and definitely not as lucky as others, all I could think about was my sister and Mish3al and how I am ready to go through all of this, to die, just so she would never feel harm in her life.

"Jema, please sm3eny, ya3goub nayem in the next room and if he hears you we wont be able to go, nod if you understand kalamy"

I slowly nodded, trying to fight back my tears.

"Ismy Rashed, Ya3goub thinks im helping him, bs il9ar7a im helping you, I am going to try and sneak you out bs you need to be extra quiet leana if he hears us intay ily ra7 taklenha, 9adgeny il wald mo 9a7y"

I just looked at Rashed, I could not help but feel at ease in his presence, his eyes were consoling, comforting, something I needed right now. Yes, I did not know him, and yes he could have been lying but right now what were my options. Him.

"Jema, fhamty ily glta?"

"Ee Rashed"

He smiled.

"Yala, ta3aly"

He took my hand, and peeped out of the door and listened for Ya3goubs snoring, he then pulled me slowly down the stairs and out of the door. We ran to his car and drove off. He kept looking at his rear view mirror, he drove a truck and we were worried the engine might have awakened Ya3goub.

"Ra7 agi6ich baitkum o barou7 3nd ilshur6a"

"They wont do anything"

"Dont worry about that, intay are you okay your clothes are covered in blood, did he touch you?"

I quickly examined my body and found some bruises and cuts, one on my head and one across my thighs.

"5ala9 3yal awadech il mustashfa, kalmay ahalich let them meet us"

I looked at him, what did he expect me to tell my parents? My messed up ex boyfriend, the one who use to drug me for sex, beat me up, raped me, dragged me to his shalaih and now his "friend" rescued me? Replaying that in my mind gave me shivers. Rashed pulled me in closer to him, and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and fell asleep.

RASHED

We needed to catch him but I didnt want an innocent girl to be the victim of his heinous acts. I called him in, and he should be arrested by now. How could he have done that to her, she looks like an angel, so delicate so fragile. Mashalah 3laiha she is strong to have put up with his abuse.

Rashed was in the maba7ith, he was one of the youngest members there and decided to work "under cover" to catch Ya3goub in the middle of his actions, and maybe catch his drug dealer, I was the victim in this, thats not what they hoped for but it had happened.

3 months later

Ya3goub was trialed and locked up, my parents were still oblivous to the truth and for once I felt at ease.

1 message received +96599******
I was wondering if you do me the honor of letting me take you out to dinner.

Reply
Sorry, who is this?

1 message received +96599******
Rashed ilX--

Reply
I would love to.

Confusion

2009-02-26T18:46:00.002+03:00

A few of my readers are confused about my story, please let me know what you would like me to clear up before moving on the next post.

I hope you are enjoying the story, none of it is real I am making it up as I go, its just a topic I always wanted to write about.

Thank you.

Fantasy part 8

2009-02-26T11:21:00.002+03:00

"7beeby you sure about this? maf3oulha awal bwal? akeed she wont remember?"

"Bu Ya3ga, 3la '6amanty, slip the pill in her drink o she wont remember anything the next day"

"Okay, yala ashofik"

Ya3goub purchased Rohypnol: A common date rape, from his "drug dealer." He knew I was divorced, which meant that he wouldnt be taking my "future" away from her, I already lost it. As for my memory, a common side effect of the date rape is anterograde amnesia which is a loss of memory of what happens after the event that caused the amnesia, in other words it happens and I forget and this amnesia is usually drug indused. It remains a mystery to most scientist, so a doctor wouldnt know what to do.

Silly silly little girl.

I called the family doctor and asked to meet him outside the house, and after explaining to him what had happened he too did not know the cause of my temporary memory loss.
I was planning on taking summer classes so I therefore refrained from joining the yearly family vacations.

"3mich bkoun mwjoud fa itha i7tjtay shay kalmy mashy baba"

"Inshalah, yala la tit25roun"

"3ndich flous 9a7, itha nag9ich shay bs dgay 3ly 3shan a7awlich, yala 7beebty inshoufich 3la 5air inshalah"

"Alah ma3akum, bl salama inshalah"

I had the house to myself, well apart from the house maids and the house boy that is. I have been avoiding being alone with Ya3goub as much as possible since I was not quite sure of what really took place that night. He, however knew I was going to be home alone, yes it slipped out.

I had a long day bl jam3a and was exhausted especially since I still worked in the evenings three times a week. I got home had my dinner, watched some tv and at 9 decided to took a bubble bath and head to bed. I informed the maids that they too should head to bed, no sense in them staying up.

Just as I was about to step into the bath tub Ya3goub called, and I answered.

"Wainich?"

"Bl bait, I was just about to take a bubble bath"

"Can I join you?"

"I dont know baby"

"Baby please, we havet been alone since that night bl shalaih and I really miss you!"

"Um, okay then come to the side door ill leave it open"

"2 minutes o akoun 3ndich"

I waited for him by the door, and then lead him up into my bedroom. He locked the door, and undressed while I got into the bath tub.

"This feels nice"

"I told you, bs intay ma adree shfeech 3ly"

"Im sorry walla kint mash'3oula shway"

"Its okay 7beebty, listen fee this party taben inrou7?"

"Ilyoum?"

"ee ilyoum"

"3ndy class at 10 bacher"

"Yala 3ad 7beebty, I dont ask you for anything, do it for your fiance"

"Mita 9ert my fiance?"

"Min awal ma shftich"

"Okay, bs man 6wil please"

"Yala okay"

We stepped into the shower to rinse off the bubble bath soup, and we got ready.

"Baby, 36shan can I go get me something to drink?"

"ee fee kitchen upstairs, yebly water ma3ak please"

He handed me a glass of water, and I drank every single drop.

"Ayeblich b3d?"

"La thank you, yala?"

"yala"

We headed over to his friends house, to what you would call a "couples" party, the room was dark and loud. I didnt know anyone which eased my comfort. We danced, we laughed and then I went home.

I decided to miss my morning class, and spend a few more hours in bed. I woke up at 11 headed over to my bathroom, undressed myself but before heading into the shower, something caught my eye. My wrists were all bruised up, as if I had been banging them against a brick wall, I even saw tiny blod clots.

What the hell. I heard my phone beep, a message from Ya3goub that read "Good morning my little freak, you were wild yesterday"

What did I do yesterday, and what did he mean by wild? I need to stop doing this, what is he doing to me, this cant be happening. I felt faint, disgusted with myself.....

"7imdilah 3la salmtich" A husky voice said as I slowly opened my eyes

"Ana wain"

"Bl mustashfa, ana Dr.Mish3al intay Jema 3del?"

"Inta wayed 9'3eer"

"Haha, adree tawny mt5arij"

"Jema, Jema honey what happened?"

I saw Samar and the water works came out.

"Shh, 7beebty intay dont cry, its okay you will be okay"

"Uh, ana a5alekum bs I need to know what happened" said the handsome Dr.

"Jema, what happened and if you say I dont know I am walking out of here"

"Samar, please dont leave me, I dont know I was with Ya3goub"

"What, you were with him again? What is wrong with you, shino intay jd '3abya aw you like playing the damsel in distress? Fawaz and I were on the way to the airport when we got the call from Emy (house maid) that you were in the hospital, I cant believe we missed our flight for one of your games. You desperately need some help, khalid fucked you up real bad, alah e3enich 3la nafsich"

Samar walked out of the room, and she saw her husband talking to the doctor.

"She was drugged"

"Shloun ya3nee drugged?"

"ya3nee someone put something in her drink, something that makes her unaware of her surrounding, of her actions, and whoever that person is abused her over and over again, the bruises on her body are just not normal....do you know who it might be, anything drug related we need to report and if you have a name...."

"I know who it is"

"Mino?" Fawaz asked

"I am not telling you leana adree your going to do something stupid, I will however tell the police myself"

"Samar, tell me mino"

"Fawaz, 7beeby please just let me do this"

"Samar, there is someone already here, if you would folllow me please" Samar followed Dr.Mish3al, and Fawaz walked into my room.

"Jema"

"Fawaz, I am sorry ma adree shino 9ar walla ma adree....."

All I saw was him raising his arm, with a murderous look in his eye. I blacked out again.

4 days later

"Jema, can you hear me?"

"Haa"

"Jema, its me Mish3al can you hear me?"

"Stop yelling"

"Haha, Im not actually im whispering, how are you feeling?"

"Like somone threw a boulder on my head"

"Well close enough, if we hadnt walked in on Fawaz you wouldnt be alive right now"

"I wish you let him kill me"

"Thats not for us to control, now do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Wain Samar?"

"Fawaz o Samar bara bs I dont trust them with you so I asked them to stay outside until you are up on your feet"

"please send them in I need to apologize"

"For what? you didnt do anything wrong!"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me what you remember, and I will correct the facts for you"

I told him what I new, which to be honest was not much and he filled me on the rest. I blacked out once again, this time from my own abuse.

3 days later

"Jema? Jema 7beebty are you okay?"

"Badoor?"

"Ee its me, 7imdillah 3al salama"

I was surrounded by family, no longer was in the hospital I was in my room, I looked around the room trying to find any trace of Ya3goub, nothing.

"Jema, I am so happy you are okay" Jas said in between her tears, as she jumped up to hug me.

"Not so tightly Jas, her bruises still hurt"

"Dr.Mish3al?"

"Mish3al, and yes"

"Yuma, bnaity 7imdilah 3la salmitch, alah 7f'6ach, ashwa ina Dr.Mish3al li7ag 3laich wla chan 6irtay min edy"

How much did they know, what did he tell them.

"Haa?"

"Jema, I dont think you remember much bs you were leaving iljam3a and got hit by a car and il7imdillah wagt-ha and kint mawjoud"

He lied for me?

"Ee, ee I remember thank you!"

"Doing my job"

All I could hear was the loud murmur of my family, then Samar walked in she looked terrible, as soon as she saw me awake she ran over to me and hugged me.

"Sam7eny walla im so sorry for everything I said 7beebty please forgive me"

"Wain Fawaz?"

"He..he..he cant face you yet, he is ashamed of himself, he almost killed you and....just give him time...tara no one knows"

"Thank you, call Fawaz I want to talk to him"

I talked to my cousin, and asked him to come because I wanted to apologize to him in person. Mish3al seemed at ease with my family, making jokings, playing cards, and glancing over at me every now and then.

Fantasy part 7

2009-02-26T00:31:00.003+03:00

"I..I..ive been divorced for over 6 months, I dont need the pill" I manged to mumble

"Okay, okay shofay Fawaz is not here so you take mine, o ana I will go to my doctor on Sunday for more okay?"

"o.okaay..."

"Shfeech your shaking, emshay lets get you into a hot shower"

She lead me to the master bathroom, and undressed me. I was shaking, I could not look straight.

"JEMA"

"Sh..sh..shfeech?"

"Why are you covered in bruises?"

"Ma adeee"

I looked down at my body to find multiple bruises dispersed all over.

"What happened Jema? Ishsawa feech?"

"I..I..i dont remember, all I know is he forced himself on me...I think...I dont know... I dont remember" in tears

"Okay 7beebty, wash up and I will bring you some fresh clean clothes and some mint teat"

I scrubbed my body once, twice, three times. I could not get him off my skin, but at the same time I wanted his smell on my body, I needed to know what happened last night, everything is a blur to me. I stepped out of the steamy shower put on the purple robe laid out for me and headed over to the bed. I wanted to sleep.

Ya3gouby Calling

"na3am?"

"ilnas egoloun 9ba7 il5air, 7beebty wain in7ishtay I woke up o you were gone"

"Ya3goub what do you want from me, 5ala9 leave me alone"

"Shfeech Jema, baby where is this coming from?"

"YOU FORCED YOURSELF ON ME"

"Hahhaha, tita3bi6ain 9a7? nisaitay what happened ams?"

"what happened?"

"you asked me to, you told me you were divorced and we went to bed and we were cuddling, o faj2ah you told me o s2altch akeed o you said ee b3dain you know"

"dont lie, ya3goub please dont lie"

"Haa, shako I lie Jemo I would never force you to do anything you dont want baby I love you, and I want to marry you"

"men never marry their girlfriends especially if he slept with her"

"ana shako feehum intay 7beebty o 3mury o ana abeech"

"I need to be alone"

"3la ra7tich, im here for you"

what was happening to me..i really do not recall what happened yesterday, everything is fuzzy to me...what really happened....why cant i remember....is he lying to me..is he being honest.....who should I believe....did I really initiate it?

"Jema, 7beebty we are having lunch come join us"

"Inshalah"

"The girls dont know"

"Thank you"

I got up and headed back into the bathroom to get ready, thankfully there were no bruised on my face just on my torse and upper thighs and upper arms. I looked at my reflection trying to unwind yesterdays events, then it hit me like a meteor.

"ana a7ibich" he said

"yala baby lets go to bed" I answered

I headed into the bathroom to slip into my night gown, I brushed my teeth and lathered up in my vanilla scented body lotion. I then slid into bed with him where we cuddled and kissed.

"I want to sleep next to you forever"

"You want to sleep next to me, not with me?"

"That comes later 7beebty"

"You dont want it now? Ma tebeny?"

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

That is as far as I remember...what did I do? what does he think...I bet he thinks I do this with every man...why cant I remember...is something wrong with me?...I need to go to the doctor...but first.

Dialling Ya3gouby

"Hala 7beebty"

"were we safe?"

"Haa?"

"ams, were we safe when..."

"Ugh if your asking me itha I wore a condom I didnt, but I was careful"

"Bye"

"Jema shfeech?"

"Later not now, bye"

Something is wrong with me, I can feel it. I noticed my memory has not been on full throttle lately but I blamed it on school work, but for me to blank out of something major like that.

What is wrong with me?

Fantasy part 6

2009-02-25T09:55:00.002+03:00

Silly silly little girl.

I got dressed into my night gown, brushed my teeth, applied my vanilla scented lotion and slid into bed with him. We snuggled at first, sneaking in a kiss here and there. The snuggling become more intense, and the kisses were no longer loving, they were full of lust.

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

"Ya3goub, what do you think you are doing"

"I want you so bad, shofay"

"Ya3goub please la, maby" I managed to say in between my tears.

Silly, silly little girl.

He forced himself on me, he enjoyed himself while I cried.

"Aaah, di5t"

I gave him my back and continued crying. Why did I tell him when we were alone, of course he thought I was asking for it. This is all my fault, 9a7 kalam Khalid ana '3beya, sa5eefa, mo fahma o ma7ad yabeny. I am going to be a whore, once I tell men im divorced they are going to expect me to open my legs wide for them.

I waited for him to fall asleep, and snuck out of his shalaih, I got dressed and headed back to Samars.

"Shfeech?"

"he...he...Samar"

"What did he do?? Please tell me he didnt, Jema please 7beebty"

"He did, Samar he did"

"Please tell me you were safe? you are on the pill right?"

Silly, silly naive little girl.

Fantasy part 5

2009-02-25T04:15:00.002+03:00

The next few days with Ya3goub were pleasurably pleasant. We flirted, we talked, we flirted and we talked. After prolonged months of Ya3goub and I spending every minute together, I saw him.

My ex husband.

Khalid.

I was meeting friends from university at Nino's, we had just finished finals and wanted to celebrate, and what other way to celebrate then indulge in fine cuisine. I was heading over to the restroom when I saw him sitting alone. He looked much older, with grey hairs and a shaggy beard and a beer belly. I just had to flaunt my new self.

"Khalid?"

"Jemaa??"

"Ee, shlonik?"

"B5air il7imdillah, intay shlonich? sha5barich, 3ash min shafich" His face lit up.

"3ashat ayamik, ana tamam il7imdillah tawny im5al9a awal course ly bl jam3a"

"Mashalah zain itsaween"

"uggh, khaloody?" A strange woman's voice interupting our speech

"Uh, Jema murty Fa6ma, Fa6ma this is Jema"

"Intay Jema" in an angered voice

"ee, um anyways Khalid it was good seeing you, Fa6ma it was nice meeting you...m3a ilsalama"

I walked away alleviated, delighted I was finally in charge of the situation, my life and my confidence. I turned around to give him a quick glance, and I saw him sitting there tormented by what he just saw.

Ya3gouby Calling

"7beeeeeeeeeeeeeby, wainik, 5a6ry ashoufik"

"Yala 7yaach"

"Wainick?"

"Bl shalaih"

"hmmm, okaaay Samar is having a girls weekend there so this works out perfectly"

"Cant wait to see you 7beebty"

"Bye galby, call me when you are on your way"

Ya3goub still did not know I was married, I opted to tell him. This weekend would be the perfect time. I just hope he does not misinterpret my little confession.

That night at Ya3goubs

"Baby"

"7yatie intay, you comfy"

He was tall, big and very built, I literally could loose myself in his arms.

"Of course, ga3da 3ndik...um 7beeby lazem agoulik shay bs mo 3rfa shloun abdy, its something big about me and I was scared to tell you"

"Jema, baby tell me"

"I was married, it was an arranged marriage and at first it was fine but then it could too much for me to handle, it was horrible he took so much of me I never thought I would be happy again and then I met you.....and I cant stop smiling"

"Laish kintay 5yfa you tell me?"

"Ma adree, 7sait you would run away since im a divorcee"

"I dont care about your past, I care about your future and my future, unless you dont want me in it?"

I turned around to face him "OF COURSE, abeek in my future, your not upset with me?"

"Ana a7ibich, yala baby lets go to bed"

Silly foolish girl that never learnt her lesson.

fantasy part 4

2009-02-24T20:44:00.002+03:00

The first few months were blissful, I got what every 19 year old girl wanted, a man who loved and spoiled her, a new car and freedom. He took me out everywhere, we did everything together. Plus we barely kept our hands off each other.

The next few months were mournful, we fought on a daily basis, he barged in claiming I was uninteresting, boring, and ugly then a few minutes later he would be kissing my hands apologizing for his harsh words. He sometimes made me sleep in the other room, he always forced me to do things against my will, but he always told me he loved me.

Foolish little girl I was. I thought every marriage was like this, who am I to break the chain.

"Intay mynouna, mino esawi chithi?" Samar scolded me

"Ishdarany, uhwa rayly fa 3dee" I answered innocently

"7beebty its not 3dy, you need to talk to him"

The first major fight we had, the one where I chose to stand up and leave was when he strolled into the house tipsy with a bottle in one hand and a girl on the other

"intay mino" He managed to blurt out to me

"Hathy mino?"

"Oh, Jemo, 3baly hathy intay...intay mino" he asked the tramp on his arm

"Your fantasy"

"dm inha mwjouda ishrayich Jemo?"

"Ana barou7 bait ahaly"

"abrak-ha min sa3a, bly mayrdich inshalah"

"emshay fantasy nstanas shway"

Yes, he brought a tramp into our house, into my bed. I was forced to go back to him and apologize for rebelling as his wife. A good wife listens to her husbands and burrys his secrets.

You can only imagine how things went from that day. He constantly wanted to explore things, and explore other people, while I sat in the guest room, listening to my husband being pleased by another. I refused to touch him, or have him touch me, and thats when he started to force himself on me. He would wake up in the morning with a disgusted look, ashamed by what he had done to me, and I just stayed in bed for days.

A year after we were married, I got pregnant. I cried, and cried, and cried. 3 days later I had a misscarriage. I cried, and cried, and cried.

Yes I am only 21 years old, but I have seen a lifetime of pain and mysery. I have been to the ultimate low and back up. I have experienced it all and all I had were my fantasies of falling in love the right way, where it didnt hurt or hurt me back.

I enrolled at Kuwait University, applied as a teller at my brothers bank and joined a gym. I first shed off all the excess weight on my body, then toned up. Next I added many layers into my hair giving it volume, and then I dyed it. I could not change what had happened to me emotionally, but there was no harm in changing my physical appearance.

It worked.

I was the it girl on campus.

I went to sell my car, the car he bought me. I wanted something new and flashy, and as a form of apology my father offered to buy me whatever car I wanted. I knew what I wanted. I left the dealership with a new car, and an admiror.

Ya3goub

We were both eying the same beauty, and it was the last one in stock, one of us would have to wait a month for the new shipment.

"Ishrayich a5alech ta5then il syara itha you meet me for coffee"

I wanted the car.

"name the place and time and I will be there"

"Give me your number"

"name the place and time, and I promise I will be there"

"starbucks palms, tomorrow at 3"

"I will see you there"

He walked away while I signed the papers, and paid for my new baby.

Starbucks Palms

"You came"

"I promised"

"What would you like?"

"I think I am capable of ordering my own drink thank you"

I did not give him a chance to respond, I got up and ordered my drink and a chocolate chip cookie.

"So, what do they call you?"

"A girl or a woman"

"Got jokes? I mean your name"

"Jema"

"A precious jewel"

"If you say so"

"So tell me about yourself, Jema"

"How about this, since you asked to see me you tell me about yourself, and if I like what I hear I will ask to see you, where I will tell you about myself"

"Deal"

I was already interested.

Fantasy part 3

2009-02-24T07:21:00.002+03:00

3 years ago

"Yala banat ily jahiz minken yanzil ilqa3a, lat5aloun Hind bro7a ta7at"

"Inshalah mama, ana jahza, anzil an6er ma3a 5alty Hind"

I was 18, my senior year in high school and it was my cousin Samar's wedding, she was the first grandchild to get married and you could only imagine the joy and hype that over ran us. 5alty Hind, her mother, who was 3my's wife was already downstairs making sure everything was perfect. I threw my shall over my Cavalli dress and made my down the hallway, into the elevator and into the wedding ballroom.

"Mashalah 7beebty Jema you loook beautiful, yala inshalah ilfal lich"

"Mashkoura 5alty"

Samar was 18, like I was, she however was in her first year of university and was marrying the man of her dream whom happened to be wild 5alty, o ehya t9er bnt 3my, I was thrilled that I was related to both the bride and groom it only made the wedding more exciting for me. Samar and I constantly discussed our wedding night, our gowns and our husbands, she found her prince charming, while I had to be patient.

The wedding was well on its way, everyone was happy, the music was perfect, and most importantly I felt exqusite, feeling confident in my dress with my make up and hair do. My cousins and I were in the middle of song dancing away when an older lady tugged on my arm.

"7beebty, sht9eren 7g il3rous?"

"Samar bnt 3my o Fawaz wild 5alty"

"Mashalah, shino ismich?"

"Jema"

"3shat ilasamy, intay bl jam3a ma3a Samar?"

"La 5alty, ana lail7een bl thanawya inshalah bt5araj hal sina"

"Alah ewafgich 7beebty, yala il fal lich inshalah"

"Tslmeen 5alty"

Maysa, my cousin, gave me a quizical look "Shtaby?"

"ma adree she had a bunch of questions to ask"

"ooo I hear wedding bells"

Could she be right? No, she was just quiching her curiousness.

I sat in the main ballroom while the guests made their way to the buffet

5alty Hind was waving her arm at me "Jema"

"Na3am 5alty?"

"7beebty, 7assan beyey al7een bs 6l3ela bara o i5thay mina ilbu5our"

"Inshalah 5alty"

I tracked down my shall, couldnt find it so I wore Maysa's black blazor and headed to the front door.

"Jema, 7beebty, hatha wlday Khalid" the curious lady introduced me to her son.

woooow!

I smiled, excused myself and walked over to 7assan who was Samar's older brother, I took the bu5our from him and glanced over to the stranger Khalid, he was watching me, I smiled and made my way back to the wedding ballroom.

2 months later

"Mama, I have some good news"

I was lazing by the pool trying to work on my tan.

"5air"

"5air ib wayhich, fe nas dagen ya56ibonich, ishrayich?"

"Ily tshofena yuma, if you think he is a good man then I dont mind"

"7beebty, he uhwa 5oush wa7id ana a3arif uma t9er rfejat 5altich Hind"

"Okay yume, bs yadroun ana lail7en ma t5arajt?"

"ee ilwalad ra7 yt3araf 3laich 3la ma it5al9een min ilthanwya b3dain itha alah kitab ekoun il3rs, isma Khalid ilflani"

Khalid and I took an interest in each other instantly. We spent 6 months engaged where we got to know each other, and a week after my graduation was my milcha and at the end of the summer was the wedding.

I was married and happily in love with my prince charming.

Or so I thought.

Fantasy part 2

2009-02-24T06:28:00.003+03:00

"Hath shfee raylich, kil shahar radich lna tara ilzawaj mo l3b, intay shsawaitay, akeed minich, intay soosa, 9ij bilsha ana al7een ishbasawi shfeech? la shahada, la wa'6eefa, istagfar allah"

"Mama 7beebty oboch m39ib shway malich shu'3ul feeh, bacher inshalah ikalim Khalid 3shan eridich"

Yes, this was what I heard everytime I came home. It somehow always managed to be my fault, I never said anything what would I say.

"Thelfay darich ma aby ashof rig3at wayhich fahma"

"inshalah yuba"

knock knock

"Jema, you okay?"

"Ee Yas, I will be"

"I hope they dont force you to go there, I wish you would stay here with me"

"I hope so to Jas, lets go to bed" I hugged my baby sister and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to Khalids hollering.

"Ana ma abeeha, 5ala9 6ab 5a6ry ma ni9la7 7g ba3a'6 ya 3my 7aram ta'6lmha ehy bntik"

"ishbasawy feeha, 6y7a ib chabdy Khalood e5ith-ha ma3ak o ana adfa3lik, 5alha trou7 iljam3a, ily taby bs lat5aleha 3ndy"

"Bu Bader my9eer itgoul 3n bntik chithi, 7aram 3aik, 5ala9 5alha ma3ana"

"La illah ilah allah, mashy mashy, bs ana maly shu'3ul feeha, intay mas2oula 3nha"

Knock Knock

"Yuma, Jema ga3da?" tears slowly dripping down my cheeks

"ee yuma"

"7beebty lat9y7een yuma lat3wren galby"

"Shloun mataby a9ee7 o ana tawny sam3a oboy egoul ma yabeny, laish ma yabeny ana shsawait, alah ma kitab bainy o bain 5alid"

"Adree yuma, adree 7beebty oboch kber bl 3mr o uhma 3ndihum wa7da mi6alaga shay kbeer, wala mo ga9da yuma, ms7eha ib waihy"

"Yuma aby asajil bljam3a, o aby adawerly wa'9efa"

"Inshalah 7beebty, ana akalm oboch edawerlich shay"

Bader walked in

"Ha Jemo, ilbait imnawr ib wjodich 7beebty, ashwa inich radaitay"

"thanks badoor, aby asajil bl jam3a, shrayik?"

"5oush, we need tellers 7g dawam il39er if you are interested"

"Ee please"

Oboy walked in

"6l3aw aby akalim Jema"

"Yuba"

"Jema, 7beebty sam7eny, adre il kalam ily gilta ism ilbdn o ma adree min wain 6il3 ilkalam yuba sam7eny"

"Yuba walla ana asfa, ma adre sh9ar, wala ma sawait shay o 7awalt ma3a akther min mara bs alah ma kitab"

"Adre yuba, adree, yala bnaity radatly!"

Fantasy part 1

2009-02-24T03:29:00.003+03:00

Khalid: thelfay, a9alan ana ibtilasht feech blsha, mino '3airy yabeech, by5a, o di3la, o sa5efa, jaikara o mteena, mat3arfeen itsolfeen? mat7seen? Tadreen shloun intay 6alag bl thalth bly my7af'6ich BARA!

I walked out of my husbands house and headed towards my parents. This happened every few months since we got married. We were not compatable, we both knew it, it was an arranged marriage and I guess he liked what my parents had to offer, and what their name stood for.

Here I am a 21 year old girl and divorced. Dont get me wrong, I was not heavy, I might not have been a perfect 10, but I had a an okay body. I had long light brown hair, and matching eyes. I didnt go to school I got married right after high school.

Here is how it all started...

Thank you

2009-02-23T01:05:00.002+03:00

Thank you for your kind words, it meant a lot coming from my readers. I wont be posting anything new, but I will however be keeping my blog.

Feel free to ask anything, or if you would like to discuss anything at all I dont mind.

Thank you once again.

The End

2009-02-20T06:30:00.004+03:00

3bdullah: 7beebty?

Lulu: 7yatiee inta shh, dont speak please lets just sit here, together.

3bdullah: Inshalah 7beebty.

We stayed there.

I stayed there holding the love of my life, the man that completed me, in my arm, while he was lifeless.

I just held him. I was all cried out. I was beyond numb. My nerves were shattered.

I sat there for 3 hours before Fai9al walked in.

He looked at me, then down at 3bdullah. He pulled out his phone and called for the right arrangements.

Everything was black. All I heard were sirens. All I felt was his lips.

3bdullah: a7bich, amout feech, please dont leave me 7beebty please wala I need you, I will die without you!

Lulu: I am not going anywhere, I promise you, I will stay by your side. I want to be your wife, I want to be the mother of your child.

3bdullah: One day, inshalah one day we will be together. 7beebty promise me something, promise me one thing

Lulu: Anything

3bdullah: Dont forget me, please dont forget me.

Lulu: 3BDULLAH, 3BDULLAH, 3BOOOOODY.....7beeby

Mama: smilah 3laich 7beebty, mama 5ala9 its been a year lain mita wntay 3la hal 7al....la illah ilah allah!

I felt my mothers tears, I felt her pain. That was the only thing I felt. The only thing I would feel for 2 years.

It took me 2 years to get back into the world.

2 years to see people.

2 years to talk.

It took me 4 years to talk about him to all of you.

It will take a lifetime before I could forget him.

I meet his parents every Monday for lunch.

His clothes are still in my closet.

His smile is still in my every dream.

He bought me a land next to his parents, he bought me a house next to my parents, he left me his shalaih, he left me his will.

Even though it seems like he left me everything to help me get over him, I am still missing the most important thing.

Him.

My baby, my 3bdullah.

He changed my life. I became alive when I was with him, even through the hard times I knew what my purpose was in life.

Now I am lost, walking around like a lifeless human. I lost my purpose.

I find myself locked up in my bedroom every night having conversations with him in my head. I sleep in his clothes, I drive his car, I sleep in his bed.

If I could spend one more day with him it would be the day I would marry him, or the day I find out I am pregnant with his baby. Actually, I wont be that selfish I just one more day in his arms.

I opened my heart.

I loved.

And I lost.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.

This is been the hardest thing I have done in my life, harder than loosing him.

If you could take one thing out of this, please dont be afraid to fall in love, dont be afraid to open your heart life is too short. Being afraid will get you no where, take chances and embrace life.

Please, live for me. I dont have it in me to smile, or to be happy.

So please do it for me.

Love Hurts,

but time heals all.

31

2009-02-20T04:11:00.003+03:00

KNOCK KNOCK

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tefa'6al

Lulu: Ilsalam Dr.3bdulmi7sen, you wanted to see me?

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Ee Lulwa tefa'6ilay

Lulu: Dam fa'6lik.

Dr.3bdulmi7se: I am sure you noticed my son has not been to work for 3 months now, and I am sure you know why.

Lulu: Dr.3bulmi7sen..

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Lulu, let me finish please. My son has been hung up on you for almost a year now, he has been depressed for more than 6 months, la yakel, la yshrib, laynam, ga3id blshaliah myshouf a7ad, wla yaby ekalim a7ad. O lmn arou7 akalma he only talks about you. O we have talked to your mother, and you father and we all dont know why you wont just say yes.
Shino il 7l?

Lulu: I dont know what to say.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tell me the truth what is this about?

Lulu: I am scared.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Of what yuba?

Lulu: Ma adree, I dont think I am the right girl for him. He has been all around the world, he has see so many things and me, my life revolves around my family.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Okay and?

Lulu: I dont know.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: How about you go see him and talk about things?

Lulu: okay.

Dialing 3bdullah

3bdullah: Lulu? Is it really you? 7beebty?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, ee baby it is me

3bdullah: 7beebty, 7yatie wainich? wainich 3ny? laish hadaiteny? Mny gader a3esh min '3airich.

Lulu: 3bdullah please, you are breaking my heart. Can I come see you?

3bdullah: Ee 7beebty.

I parked my car in front of the shalaih. He was already standing outside waiting for me. He looked weary, broken down so frail. It broke my heart.

He pulled me into his arm, hugging me so tightly I felt my bones crushing.

3bdullah: A7ibich

Lulu: Amout feek

He lead me inside the shalaih, sat me down on the couch and placed his head on my lap.

He fell asleep.

I cried, for hours. I sat there crying while the love of my life slept peacefully on my lap.

He never woke up.

30

2009-02-20T00:37:00.003+03:00

The next few months were simply unyielding. I did not accept any of his calls, I did not reply to any of his messages and at work I kept it professional.

He looked devastating, simple heart breaking. I wanted to rush over to him and hug him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything is going to be okay.

This went on for 4 months, and his mother called every week for 4 months. Sure, you are thinking if his mother called why did I not give in? Well, after every phone she made it clear that this is what her son wanted, and not what they wanted.

I felt like a robot. My life had fallen into a routine. Work, home, sleep..... That was my life.

No social life.

On the 4th month.

Shosho: Lulu, babe can I borrow your black heels, Mine don't look good with my dress.

Lulu: Sure.

Shosho: Thanks 7beebty.

Lulu: You look nice, where you off to?

Shosho: Oh, umm, 3mr's engagement party.

I was staring aimlessly at the television, flipping through the channels not looking for anything specific, I just needed to waste time.

I froze, and turned my attention away from the television.

Lulu: He got engaged?

Shosho: Ee, to a girl I work with. I recommended her and they hit it off.

Lulu: How long have the known each other?

Shosho: More than 9 months ago I think.

6 months, so he was with her while he was pursing me? Did he do all of that to destroy what 3bdullah and I had. And her, she kept talking to me about him. What happened to her? What changed her into this evil person.

I hate her.

I really do.

Lulu: Alah ehaneehum!

Shosho: Ee, il fal lich inshalah!

Lulu: ahaa.

3lawi: Shosho, 7beebty yalla mama we dont want to be late!

Great, now my brother is friends with him.

1 new message
Lulwa

Reply
3bdullah

1 new message
I need you

Reply
Me more

1 new message
Marry me

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I cant

1 new message
Laish? Please explain to me please...

Reply
I just cant!

1 new message
Okay, Lulu I am done.
I am done hurting.
I am done crying, I am done chasing you!

Reply
Okay 3bdullah!

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: yeah

3bdullah: Bs chithi okay?

Lulu: What do you want me to say?

3bdullah: That you love me, that you want me in your life please baby please Luluty dont do this to me, dont do this to us please honey....

Lulu: 3bdullah

3bdullah: galba, 3youny, 3umry kila intay please Lulu I need you!

Lulu: bye 3bdullah.

Love really hurts.

29

2009-02-19T21:20:00.003+03:00

I needed an escape route. This was all too much for me to fathom. My brothers needed me, my parents were relying on me, my aunt depended me, 3bdullah loved me and 3mr wanted me. Where is my knight? I needed someone, anyone.

3bdullah showed up bright and early the next morning bringing a large assortment of foods for breakfast. My uncle had woken up and has been transferred to a bigger room.

My cousins, my brothers, their wives, 3bdullah and myself enjoyed breakfast together, laughing and sharing stories.

I knew what everyone was thinking, I was thinking it myself. He fit right in with the family, as if we had known him for decades.

The next few days were spent like that. We would rush off to work for a few hours, and rendezvous back at the hospital. The doctor discharged my uncle, and we were all thrilled.

3my: Lulu 7beebty mala da3y ingoul 7g ilwalid, a5af e7aty

Lulu: 3la ra7tik 3my.

3my: 9a7 kalamy 3bdullah?

3bdullah: Ee 3my ana rayey min rayik.

The gatherings were relocated to my uncles house. I never kept my phone around me afraid 3mr might send me something that might upset my mood.

We headed home that night, and the boys came into my room for the usual; Chai 7leeb and friends.

I sat on the couch next to Fai9al and he moved closer to me.

Fai9al: Lulu.

Lulu: Yes.

Fai9al: 3bdullah talked to us.

Lulu: regarding?

Fai9al: Tista3bi6ain, you!

Lulu: What about me?

Fai9al: Lulu, I know you are not slow fa drop this act ok.

Lulu: I don't want him.

Fai9al: How come?

Lulu: His parents will never accept of me.

Fai9al: ilrayal kalamna, what does that mean?

Lulu: It means ina uhwa ra7 yogaf '6d ahala for me, and I won't allow it.

Fai9al: Lulu...

Lulu: Fai9al please, just don't okay.

I was upset. I loved him but there was no way I was going to let him lose his family over me. I could never live with myself. I did not want my children growing up only knowing my side of the family.

5 am

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: aloo?

3bdullah: 9ba7 il5air 7beebty

Lulu: Its still early

3bdullah: Adree, yala gomay aby awadech mukan

Lulu: I am sorry I cant.

3bdullah: Lulu, 7beebty we have not been alone since the day of bl shalaih, a5er mara kalamtich was yomha, please baby I miss you.

Lulu:I am sorry I don't think this is appropriate, goodbye 3bdullah.

I was the one breaking my own heart. But this was for the best. Being in love should be blissful, I should have no worries, no cares because I am with the man I love.

I no longer felt this way. I was in so much pain, and I just cannot handle it. I cannot handle him.

Love hurts

28

2009-02-19T02:16:00.002+03:00

Reply
Please don't do this, not today.

I walked into the house, hoping I would not see any of my brothers. Just as I was about to get into my room.

Marzouq: baby sis?

Lulu: Yes honey?

Marzouq: Wainch ilyoum?

Lulu: I had to work late

Marzouq: you look exhausted

Lulu: I feel exhausted

We both looked at each other, he did not look so well himself.

Lulu: Zooz, can I sleep here with you? I dont want to sleep alone.

Marzouq: Ee please, I dont want to be alone.

Lulu: Okay 7yatie let me shower and change and join you.

I took a long shower and got into my PJ's and headed over to Marzouq's bedroom. I found Fai9al laying on the couch, and 6alal was on the other side of the bed.

It was such a gloomy day for us all.

Lulu: Ishfeekum?

Fai9al: Um, Lulu, have a seat

Lulu: ish9ayer Fai9al, you are scaring me.

Fai9al: 3my bl mustashfa, he had a heart attack and they had to operate since an artery was blocked.

Lulu: Why are we here?

Fai9al: Visiting time is over, Oboy ma yadry ra7 ingoula lmn egoum bl salama inshalah

Lulu: Ameen inshalah, lets get some sleep.

I snuggled into bed, in between 6alal and Marzouq. Marzouq came close to me and I hugged him, and 6alal hugged me.

I had to be strong for my brothers, they needed me to be strong.

We woke up early the next morning, we were all feeling on edge we did not want to discuss the matter at hand.

A7mad: 9ba7 il5air, yala meshaina

Mona: Lulu honey you dont look so good are you ok?

Lulu: It is okay honey, aham shay 3my mo muhim ana!

Fai9al: You dont look so good

Lulu: Aren't we heading to a hospital?

Fai9al: Okay then, mental note avoid Lulu

Marzouq walked over to me and placed his arm around my waist. We piled into the cars and headed over to the hospital.

We walked down the long fluorescent hallway and up the elevator. I saw 5alty sitting outside, I walked over to her and hugged her.

Lulu: myshouf shar inshalah

5alty: Il shar myeech

Mona: 5alty il doctor ma gal shay?

5alty: embla he did, gal il7imdilah il3malya went okay but they are waiting for him to recover now, ilshabab da5el 3ndihum.

My brothers headed inside to be with my couins' during these hard times.

Mona and I stayed outside with 5alty.

3bdullah: Um Lulwa?

It cant be him. What is he doing here?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, 5alty 3bdullah ilX moderna bl dawam

3bdullah: Ilsalam 3laikum 5alty, 5a6akum ilsue inshalah

5alty: 5a6ak il lash ya wlaidy!

3bdullah: Mona, a7mad mawjoud?

Mona: Ee la7'6a anady

I stood there staring at him, what did he want with me.

A7mad: Hala 3bdullah, shlonik?

3bdullah: Ib 5air il7imdillah, shftkum da5leen ilmustashfa fa s2alt o 36ony 5abar ina 3mik, myshouf shar inshalah

A7mad: ilshar myeek 7beeby tislam!

3bdullah: ana ast2then 3yal

5alty: La yuma, ma '6yfnak, Lulu yuma yebay il7lw, o Mona ilgahwa ehnak

Lulu: Tefa'6al 3bdullah

3bdullah: Dam fa'6lich Lulwa.

My aunt and my brother entertained 3dbullah. It took my aunt exactly 15 minutes to hit it off with 3bdullah. Before I knew it she had asked him to pass by the next day.

At 9 we headed back home. This time the boys slept in my room.

1 new message
Girlfriend?

Reply
Not today please

1 new message
I talked to my parents.

27

2009-02-19T00:06:00.001+03:00

3bdullah: ya 3my ilnas edigoun, e6igoun il bab egoloun shay mo bs edar3moun!

I pushed my face deep into 3bdullah's chest. I was flushed, ruddy, burning. I could not look at him, I needed to go.

3bdullah sensed my discomfort and was trying to ditch 3mr.

3mr: Ana ib rayey il ga3d itsawe '3ala9

3bdullah: ana ma s2altik ya 3my

3mr: Lulu, did he hurt you?

3bdullah: 3MR, malik shu'3ul feeha, wa5er 3n il 6reej

3mr: LULWA, 6al3eny

3bdullah held me tighter. I looked up at him, I was sorrowing.

3bdullah: 7beebty lat7ateen nothing will happen to you.

Lulu: 3mr, what do you want?

3mr: ana abeech intay bs mo ib hal 6arga ana aby zawaj mo li3ib.

3bdullah: ANA MO RAYAL JIDAMIK? INT ISHTABY, ITHLIF 3N WAIHY 3MOUR MALY 5ULGik.

3mr: haha ok ok, ana mashy, Lulu akalmich b3dain 7beebty.

Lulu: 3bdullah please take me home, please dont leave me, ma aby akoun bro7y please 7beeby

3bdullah: Wa5ray 3ny

Lulu: 3bdullah, whats wrong?

3bdullah: UHWA ISHDARA I7NA EHNY? AKEED INTAY YOU TOLD HIM, O SHAKO YOU CANCELED DUBAI AKEED UHWA GALICH MA YABECH ITRO7EEN O ITKONEEN MA3AY!! THELFAY 3N WAYHE, ANA 7MAR ILY 7ABAIT WA7DA MITHLICH, WA7DA MAKO MUSTAQBAL MA3AHA!

Lulu: what...what are you saying?

3bdullah: ana ma abeech!

Lulu: But, but I love you!

3bdullah: o wain a9refha?

Lulu: You are just upset, I dont blame you. We will talk about this later.

3bdullah: Ro7ay Lulwa, please baby just go!

I walked out of his shalaih appalled, astounded and aching from the inside.

3bdullah, my 3bdullah, the love of my love just left me like that.

I got into my car, and hurried back home. I was just staring out onto the street not paying attention to anything or anyone.

Apparently 3bdullah had followed me home to make sure I arrived safely.

1 new message
I am sorry, for everything.

I looked at my phone.

Reply
Its okay

1 new message
Girlfriend

Reply
Are you my boyfriend?

1 new message
Always and forever

Reply
What happened a few minutes ago

1 new message
Jealousy

Reply
O ana ishthanby?

1 new message
7beebty ana asif

Reply
Okay...

1 new message
Will you marry me?

26

2009-02-18T02:19:00.002+03:00

3mr's messages continued coming at random moments. He felt it was necessary to remind me about 3bdullah's parents and how they would never accept me as a wife for their son.

At moments, things became awkward between me and 3bdullah, and I decided the best way to avoid a full blown out argument, I decided to declineon the Dubai trip.

1 new message
Boyfriend

Reply
Girlfriend

1 new message
We need to talk

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: Hello

3bdullah: Are you leaving me?

Lulu: ahaha dont be silly, I just want to talk to you.

3bdullah: 5ara3teny

Lulu: Sorry, um when can I see you?

3bdullah: Ana bl shalaiah, I dont know if you want to come?

Lulu: Will there be anyone there?

3bdullah: La bs ana I needed time away min ahly

Lulu: I will call you when I am closer for directions.

1 new message
Mona, I need you

Reply
I got your back 7beebty

1 new message
Thank you ;*

I wore skinny dark jeans, with a white t-shirt and a yellow cardigan.

An hour later I arrived to his shalaih. I should have been afraid, there was no way of explaining this to anyone if I were to be seen. I was greeted at the door by 3bullah. He was wearing brown trunks and a white t-shirt.

I had been going over, in my head, what I wanted to talk to him about, but seeing him like this I just wanted to spend the day with him. The last time we had been alone was a while back, I missed those days.

3bdullah: 7beebty

Lulu: Hala 7uby.

Yes I had picked up on the whole being lovey dovey thing and he absolutely loved it.

3bdullah: I love you in color.

Lulu: Well, I love you!

3bdullah: Walla 9ij??

Lulu: Yup.

3bdullah: Inzain goleha bl 3raby please.

Lulu: How about we go in.

3bdullah: yala 7yach!

I spent a few hours in the shaliah with 3bdullah. Something just felt right about being there with him, and even though we were along my sweet heart did not even try anything funny.

Lulu: 3boody honey I should be getting alone I don't want to be too late.

3bdullah: Ma aby ahidich

Lulu: Me neither, but it is getting late and I don't want to put Mona in a difficult situation.

3bdullah: Yala 7beebty, ana ra7 asayrich.

Lulu: Um, honey?

3bdullah: 3yona

Lulu: I won't be coming to Dubai with you.

3bdullah: Haaa? laaaaaish??

Lulu: Well, to be honest, 3mr will be there and I don't know how comfortable I would be around him.

3bdullah: i7na shako feeh we will be alone, well ma3a A7med and Mona.

Lulu: I know baby, but it just gives me an uneasy feeling.

3bdullah: Baby, I was so excited I planned out so many things for us. We are leaving in a few days.

Lulu: I know I am sorry please forgive me, I will inform your father.

3bdullah: Lat7ateen I will tell him, yala meshaina?

Lulu: Are you not going to change?

3bdullah: Ee 9a7.

Right there, in front of me he took off his white t-shirt and casually walked around the shalaih looking for his shirt. I was flushed, I wanted to peel my eyes off his muscular body but I just couldn't. It was simply perfect.

He was simply perfect.

3bdullah: You like what you are seeing?

Lulu: Haa?

3bdullah: Amout 3la ily tisti7y!

Lulu: Could we please go.

3bdullah: 6al3eny

Lulu: 3bdullah, please stop this kidding around I really need to leave.

3bdullah held my arms, and placed kisses all over them. I just stood there watching his lips as they planted kisses on my arms.

He came close to my face, he planted a kiss on my chin, a kiss on each cheek, a kiss on each eye, one on my nose and lastly he eyed my lips.

Lulu: What are you waiting for ?

3bdullah: you!

Lulu: What do you mean?

3bdullah: My lips are tired, they did all that work and were not rewarded.

Lulu: well then I guess your lips will have to wait.

He moved in to close the tiny gap between us and planted his perfectly proportioned lips onto mine.

I stopped breathing.

3bdullah: Lulu 7beebty lazem you breathe.

I gasped for air.

Lulu: I forgot to breathe

3bdullah: la7a'6t

Lulu: Can we please go

3bdullah: la7'6a one more, but this time breathe, and shway open your lips I want to suck on them.

This was all too much for me, my brain let alone my nerves could not handle it. Before I could open my mouth to blurt out how I was feeling.

He placed his lips onto mine, this time more forceful, he placed on arm on my back and the other on my face pulling me closer to him. I did as I was told. I parted my lips slightly and enjoyed the light tug I was feeling on my lips, I decided I wanted to lightly lick his lips.

He moaned.

I smiled.

3mr: i7m, am I interrupting ?

1 new message
yal shai6ana

Im sorry

2009-02-16T22:47:00.003+03:00

To my devoted readers,

Thank you for your concerns everything is fine. I had to leave for a few days for work and I was not able to post anything since my day was hectic.

I am sorry.

I should be heading back to Kuwait on Tuesday inshallah and I promise you a few posts to make up for my absence.

Thank you for being patient.

25

2009-02-12T08:06:00.002+03:00

Reply
Nothing 7beeby, I am on my way to work

1 new message
5ara3tny, gmt a7aty

Reply
lool, sorry baby ;*

I wanted to be okay, I wanted to just brush off everything 3mr told me. I wanted to believe him with all my heart.

I just couldn't. I knew this was too good to be true.

Mona: Shfeech? You left early today.

I shut her office door behind me, and began to weep. I was turning into an emotional wreck and was hating it.

I updated her about my morning encounter with 3mr.

Mona: Lulu, honey intay you are like my sister now and I am sorry to tell you but do you honestly belive that he will marry you? Oppose his parents choice?

Another thing I was not expecting to hear.

Love Hurts.

Lulu: I have not thought about it.

Mona: Maybe it is time to think about it.

Lulu: We have not been dating for a year.

Mona: Okay, but you are 26.

Age. It dictates our life. After a certain age society gives up on us, we are "old". We have no chance of getting married, which is every mothers nightmare.

It was my mothers nightmare.

It was my nightmare.

Incoming call 3bdullah
Lulu: Aloo?

3bdullah: wainich?

Lulu: I am in Mona's office, is something wrong?

3bdullah: La 7beebty, why do you always think like that, bs I passed by your office and it was empty fa I was disappointed leana ma ka7alt 3ainy ib shoftich.

Lulu: Um, I will talk to you later.

3bdullah: 5oush ta9refa hathy, ok 3la ra7tich.

I had upset him, I could tell from his tone I just did not know what the right response would be.

1 new message
3mr is joining us in Dubai?

Reply
Ee berou7 il workshop, ishdarach?

1 new message
Shosho told me.

That was the first time I lied to him.

Reply
Oh!
Dont worry about him though.

1 new message
Why would I baby, all that matters is us being together.

Reply
B3d 3umry ;*

The day passed by very slowly, there was not much work to do yet everyone stayed in their office.

Incoming call Shosho
Lulu: Hello there

Shosho: Hii, are you free for lunch?

Lulu: Yes I am, you have something in mind?

Shosho: Yup, I need to talk to you.

Lulu: Okay call me when you are here.

I walked over to Mona's office and she informed me she was having lunch with her sisters.

Perfect.

1 new message
Boyfriend

Reply
Girlfriend

1 new message
Barou7 lunch ma3a Shosho, ayeblik shay ma3ay?

Reply
La 7beebty bl 3fya, we are ordering in.

1 new message
Alah e3afeek, okay honey ;*

1 new message
Im downstairs.

I headed over to the elevator and then out to Shosho's car. We both did not want to eat so we decided on going to Coffee bean.

Shosho: I hate how things are between us now, I feel like I no longer have my best friend.

Lulu: Well you said it, you are a married woman.

Shosho: What is that suppose to mean?

Lulu: Ask yourself, you keep saying that to Mona and I.

Shosho: I just mean I no longer want to do things I use to do prior to 3lawi.

Lulu: So you dont want to do things you did 8 years ago?

Shosho: Why are you being bitchy.

Lulu: Its a side effect of being frigged.

Shosho: Look, Lulu I am sorry. I just want the best for you, and that is why I think you should consider 3mr.

Lulu: Inshalah.

Shosho: Unless you have someone.

I just looked at her.

It was such an awkward outing. I didn't know how to act around my own best friend. She turned into someone completely new. Someone I could no longer understand.

It was sad.

1 new message
a7ibich

24

2009-02-12T02:21:00.002+03:00

How does he know I am going to Dubai? Is he coming as well? This cannot be happening

I went to bed that night thinking about 3mr and the message he sent me, and I reached a conclusion, I had to talk to him. 3bdullah was not going to take care of it.

I was.

1 new message
3mr, please I would like to see you in the morning before I have to be in the office.

Reply
I thought you would never ask.

I woke up early once again, cursing myself for meeting him so early, wore a navy blue dress with brown heals, I put my hair up.

1 new message
I am at Starbucks

Reply
I am on my way.

We decided to meet at Starbucks Salmya, the one infront of Al-Fanar mall since people hardly go there.

I parked, and walked over to him. He looked handsome in his dishdasha. I was nervous, however, in a good way.

There goes the guilt again.

Lulu: Hala 3mr shlonik?

3mr: Hala wala Lulu, I did not know what you drank, what can I get you?

Lulu: I can go its okay.

3mr: La wala, gi3day what would you like?

Lulu: Grande extra hot white chocolate mocha with cream and extra caramel please.

3mr: uggh, okay I think I got it lool.

I need to focus, to remember that he is not a good person, or is he?

3mr: So, what did you want to talk about?

Lulu: I don't know how to bring this up, it's quit embarrassing really.

3mr: Lulu, you can tell me anything. I know I have been acting like a hormonal teenager, but from the moment I laid eyes on you I felt like we had a connection. Then the day we talked in your office, we have a lot in common, don't you think?

Lulu: Well, honestly I do agree but the way you went about pursuing me did not do it for me. I would have preferred if you had come directly to me and asked for my number.

1 new message
Good morning ya a7la girlfriend bl dinya ;*

3mr: You see, he causes a problem

My mind was focused on the message, and its contents that I did not listen to what he said.

3mr: See what I mean?

Lulu: I am sorry I missed what you said!

He came closer to me.

3mr: How can I pursue you when you have someone else you are pursuing?

Silence

.....
.........
.............

Lulu: I should be taking off I am sorry.

He sat back into his seat.

3mr: Alah ma3ach, I would not want to keep you away from 3baid.

My brain was functioning, and it was telling my body to move but my body was not responding.

Lulu: I beg your pardon?

3mr: Sm3teny, I know about you and 3baid and even though I really did not want to lose my cousin but for you....its worth it.

I sat back down.

Lulu: You cannot drop something like that on me and expect me to just walk away.

3mr: Shofay 3baid is like a brother to me, and I want the best for him but I just wanted to tell you in 5alty has someone in mind for him and after we come back from Dubai she is going to talk to the girls mom.

Lulu: You are just saying that, does he know?

3mr: Ma adree, bs I mean kanat his ex-girlfriend and he wanted to marry her bs ehya she thought she was in love with someone else.

I needed to get out, I could not breathe, my chest cavity was slowly ripping into my heart.

This cannot be happening.

1 new message
Luluty, 7beebty...shfeech?

23

2009-02-11T06:57:00.007+03:00

Excuse me?

1 new message

I know what you are doing in there!

Talking to my boss.

What is it to you?

1 new message

hahaha ya 7mra, you should do something have you seen him?

Need I remind you that you are married to my brother ;p

AND no sharing is NOT caring in this situation lol ;p

3bdullah: Mino?

Lulu: Its Mona, being a tease!

3bdullah: She knows about us right?

Lulu: Yes, I am sorry I told her the day we were in Paul and you were in Starbucks, she some what sensed something. I hope that was okay.

3bdullah: Luluty 7beebty, I wanted us to be a secret between us, bs its okay Mona knowing will make things easier I guess.

Lulu: Okay, I should be heading back to my office, I don't want anyone to get suspicious.

I walked over to my office, thinking about something he said. He told me that he stood up to his parents, and now he is contradicting himself by telling me he wants no one to know?

Either way, who was I going to ask...Fai9al? No, I couldn't I lied to him twice already.

I proceeded back to work, I had to stay in for lunch since I really was behind. A7mad and Mona had lunch with us in the office.

Mona: 7beeby, a7midy?

a7mad: hala ya galby

Mona: Fee a workshop ib Dubai in 2 weeks o Dr.3bdulmi7sen yabeny ana o Lulu to go since girls hardly go. All husbands and wives are expected to come as well. What do you think?

a7mad: I think we are all going to Dubai

Lulu: Thank you a7mad

a7mad: Your welcome baby sis, its for your work I am not gonna stand in your way, I will take time off work 7g that week.

Mona: Laish week i7na bnrou7 2 days.

a7mad: La mama, take that week off 3shan we stay there, hm intay Lulu.

Lulu: We will see inshalah.

To be honest, the only think I heard my brother say was yes to the trip, after that I muted them out of my concentration. Something was wrong, I could tell something was going to happen.

Istagfar allah!

1 new message
Girlfriend

Reply
Boyfriend

1 new message
What is the verdict?

Reply
We are going to Dubai baby ;p

1 new message
hahah ;*
I am have lunch m3a a friend, kanat ma3y bl jam3a

Lovely!

Reply
bl 3fya ;*

Should I have been jealous? Should I be mad? Whoever said being a relationship is a piece of cake LIED.

Speaking of cake, I could have some!

I stopped at Paul in Marina on my way home, and bought everything they had. I then stopped at Baskin Robbins and also bought everything they had.

Again I say relationships are not fun, I am about to eat like a cow!

Marzouq: LULU!!!

Lulu: ya zooz

Marzouq: LULU, bsr3a ta3aly please

I ran up to his room, something was wrong!

Lulu: SHFEEEK???

Marzouq: intay shfeeck chinich shyfa shaba7, shoufay shino your boss sharaly!

Lulu: You screamed, and almost stopped my heart for this?? What in the world is it?

Marzouq: PSP bs its the sooped up one, 3ndich raqma aby adig ashkira.

Lulu: 3aib al7een tawna 6al3een min ildawam akeed he is having lunch b3dain dig 3ly!

Marzouq: Inshalah.

I new message
Dubai ;*
I cant wait!

22

2009-02-11T03:14:00.003+03:00

Lulu: Whaat, ishdarak 3mr?

3mr: I just knew, hmm so I guess this makes it harder but it doesn't mean I wont fight my cousin for you.

Lulu: 3mr don't, please don't, I love him, I love him....I love him......................

Istagfar allah what I way to wake up. I need to do something. I need to tell one of them. I wont be responsible for a family feud.

5:30

I took a shower I needed to wash away that awful dream. Why was this happening to me, why won't he leave me alone.

I walked downstairs.

Lulu: "Good morning, Damena, Good monring Marjy, Damena please I wanted scrambled eggs, thank you"

I walked over to the couch, and was peering out the window,lost in my own thoughts, but was quickly sucked back into real life, by my loving nanny.

Damena: Lulu, habeby when you get married? I want to see your baby, you are like my daughter

I just smiled. There was no right way of answering that question.

Marriage.

It defined life, we were made to repopulate, and we repopulate after we get married. Where does love fit into all of that?

1 new message
Girlfriend :(

Reply
Boyfriend, whats wrong 7beebty

1 new message
I miss you ya galby!

Reply
7beeby, I miss you too, you wanna grab coffee before work?

1 new message
EEEEEEEEEE ;p

Reply
haha okay I am have breakfast now I will call you when I leave the house.

Fai9al: LULU, intay ta7at"

Lulu: Yes Fai9al, I woke up early.

He came over, and kissed the crown of my head.

Fai9al: 9ba7 il5air, 3sa ma shar, ishfeech ga3a mbacher?

Lulu: Nothing honey, I just need to head over to the office early I am behind on some paper work and we have meetings all day so I won't be able to finis.

Fai9al: aah ok, inzain Lulu you sure you have nothing to talk about, nothing going on in that pretty head of yours?

Lulu: haha 9ooly, you know I would come to you ya galby right.

Fai9al: okaaay, I need to go to iljam3a 3ndy imti7an

Lulu: Good luck sweetie!

I went up stairs and slipped into black skinny jeans, a white shirt with a Grey vest and black heels the last and most important accessory was the ear rings he got me.

We met in coffee bean, we knew we would not run into anyone since it was early, I got my Vanilla Ice blended with extra cream and caramel, yum.

3bdullah: We should do this every morning.

Lulu: haha if you wanna wake me up

3bdullah: I would love to, you looking amazing 7beebty

Lulu: 3boody, 7beeby I need to talk to you about something and I really do not know how to bring it up. It is such a big thing, and someone is going to end up hurt, and....

Before I could finish..

3bdullah: This is about 3mr right?

.....

..........

Silence. Shock and Fear

Lulu: You knew?

3bdullah: 7beebty, only an idiot would have not figured it out, intay shftay shloun y6al3ich? shloun ekalmich? its freaky!

Lulu: Baby I wish you told me, I was worried.

3bdullah: Don't worry about it I will deal with him

Lulu: Please, 3bdullah ma aby mashakil intaw ahal.

3bdullah: Ya 7lwich wntay titklmain 3rby, shofay dont worry 7beebty.

We talked for a few more minutes then headed back to the office.

1 new message (email)
Metting at 11

Dr.3bdullah

Mona: 9ba7 il5air, someone left early this morning.

Lulu: Close the door and come sit down.

Mona: Whats up babe?

Lulu: I had an awful dream about 3mr, and it freaked me out so I told 3bdullah.

Mona: Inzaaaain, and?

Lulu: He knew!!

Mona: WHAAAAAAAT?

Lulu: He mentioned something about it being very obvious, is it?

Mona: well, kinda!

Lulu: Inzain yalla, we have a meeting.

During the meeting 3bdullah informed us about the upcoming workshop in Dubai. He informed us how each employee could bring their significant other with them.

1 new message
Intay ra7 tithbi7ny walla!

Reply
Simla 3laick 7beeby, laish what did I do

1 new message
Ma sawaity shay, just the fact that you are you!
Also, those jeans kinda help ;p

Reply
3bdullah!

1 new messgae
3youna, galba, intay 7yata killah

Reply
a7ibik ;p

Incoming call

Luwla, Dr.3bdullah needs to see you in his office, with the X papers please.

I walked over to his office.

KNOCK KNOCK

3bdullah: tefa'6al

Lulu: Uh Dr.3bdullah you wanted to see me

I turned around to close the door and the next thing I know he has me pinned against the wall. I was scared.

Lulu: 3bdullah what are you doing? Someone can walk in!

3bdullah: tkelmy 3raby

Lulu: 3bdullah, this is not the time.

3bdullah: tkelmy 3raby!

Lulu: wa5er 3ny

3bdullah: a7ibich

Lulu: 3bdullah

I placed my hand on his chest to try to push him away. I looked up into his eyes, his nose, and lastly his eyes. They looked succulent. I wrapped my arms around his waist to stop myself from doing something I would forever regret.

We stood there holding each other, for what seemed like forever.

It felt right.

Nothing could go wrong.

1 new message
tut tut tut, yal shai6na, kilish ma hagait-ha minich!

21

2009-02-10T03:53:00.003+03:00

Reply
3mr what do you want?

1 new message
Isn't it clear, abeech intay

Reply
Please watch the way you talk me, I am not an object or something you just own.
lw sm7t 3mr 3n ili7raj please don't message me again

Dialing Shosho

Shosho: Hey hun

Lulu: Shosho please ask your friend 3mr to stop messaging me

Shosho: Laish? He is really interested. I encouraged him.

Lulu: Shosho, you do not have the right to make decisions for me.

Shosho: I only did that for you to losen up, you are so frigged you really need a man.

Lulu: Thank you Shosho, kilish ma hagait-ha minich

Shosho: L...

I am frigged? I did the right thing all my life and that makes me frigged? Who does she think she is, to come in and insult me like that.

I stormed into the house, and up to my room.

KNOCK KNOCK

Lulu: Mino?

3lawi: ana

Lulu: Great. Come in.

3lawi: Ishfeech 3la Shosho shino 9ar?

Lulu: Ask your wife.

3lawi: you are my sister, I am asking you.

Lulu: 7beeby 3lawi its nothing its just a misunderstanding I promise everything will be okay.

3lawi: Are you sure?

Lulu: Yes sweetie!

3lawi: I dont want my 2 favorite girls not getting alone, good night baby sis

Lulu: Good night 3lawi.

1 new message
Boyfriend, I need to go away.
I need time away from everyone.

Reply
shfeech 7beebty?
tabeen time away mny ana ?

1 new message
Of course not, I just need time away from here!

Incoming call

Lulu: Hii

3bdullah: Hala bl 7ub, shfeech 7beebty 3sa ma shar?

Lulu: Ma adree I just can't take it. I would like time for myself you know.

3bdullah: Inzain, fee this workshop in Dubai in 2 weeks, and my dad wants to send woman leana usually bs the men go, you think your parents would let you?

Lulu: No they wouldn't baby.

3bdullah: hmm what if Mona and a7mad come?

Lulu: That might work. How about you ask us tomorrow and she could ask a7mad, it might just work.

3bdullah: ee inshalah, inzain tara I still have Marzouqo's gift shloun?

Lulu: m9er haa

3bdullah: hahahe ee 3ad ana rasy yabis, alah e3enich 3ly

Lulu: Its better then being frigged

3bdullah: Mino gal inich frigged?

Lulu: Shosho

3bdullah: Ishtaby hathy ehya frigged, hathy yabelha a7ad ewagfha 3nd 7dha!

Lulu: hmm, its ok 7beeby, baby let me just get ready for bed o I will call you

3bdullah: ee ok hm ana

KNOCK KNOCK

Lulu: La illah ilah allah. yes

Mona: Sorry 7uby its me, I was wondering if I could drive to work with you tomorrow a7midy is taking my car for service.

Lulu: Of course 7beebty.

The reason we did not drive into work together is because she usually went to see her parents after work because a7med would start his evening shift when we leave workk

Mona: You okay?

Lulu: Listen, 3bdoody wants us to travel for a workshop, you think a7med would come with us?

Mona: Ee I dont think he would mind, I will talk to him

Lulu: Tomorrow 3bdullah is going to address us all, so wait until then.

Mona: Okay 7uby, yala good night you look tired, malich shu'3ul min you know who.

She walked out of the room. She was a gift to both my brother and myself, I no longer knew my best friend. There was something missing.

I hopped into the shower, I needed the hot water to scold my body, I was feeling numb. I stood there trying to pinpoint the moment my life had changed. Was it the tent? Was it meeting 3mr? Was it accepting this job. Every inch of my body was burning, I was faced with an internal struggle.

The love for my family comes no where near what I am feeling for 3bdullah. It is a different kind of love, you could not compare the two. Do I really have to give up 3bdullah?

I got into my nightie and crawled into bed.

Incoming call

Lulu: Hey honey

3bdullah: hala bl zain killa

3bdullah: Luluty 7beebty, omy intay please cheer up, 3shany 7beebty.

Lulu: Inshalah 7beeby

3bdullah: B3d 3umry, I cant wait till a9abi7 ib wayhich kil youm

What is that suppose to mean

3bdullah: Ee it means exactly what you have in mind.

Lulu: I have nothing in mind baby.

3bdullah: Haha hmm okay 3yal.

Lulu: Baby, can we please sleep I am exhausted.

3bdullah: Ismilah 3laich ya 7beebty....okay t9b7een 3la 2lf 5air, ashofich bacher inshalah.

Lulu: wnta min ahal il5air, inshalah 7beeby.

I shoved my phone under my pillow and drifted away into my fairytale life with 3bdullah.

1 new message
So my cousin?

20

2009-02-10T01:42:00.004+03:00

I fell into a cold sweat. It was way too soon for I love you's. Does he expect me to answer him back? I need to talk to Mona.

Mona was sitting with Zooz and 6alal in the upstairs living room. I joined them they were playing Monopoly. I hated bored games, I never won which made me angry.

a7mad: Hala hala

Mona: Hala feek 7beeby

a7mad: ha who is winning?

Marzouq: your wife

a7mad: Kafo walla, yalla rematch 3shan afouz 3laiha, 7beebty ma 3laich 2mer aby gahwa min edich

Mona: Inshalah, inta tamer 2mer

a7mad: my2mer 3laich 3do b3d 3umry walla

Mona was made for A7mad, and A7mad was made for Mona a true match made in heaven. Alah ehanehum inshalah!

Mona: Shosho, 3lawi taboun gahwa?

3lawi: ee walla Mona ma3laich amer!

Mona: Lulu hun wanna help me?

We walked down in silence. I did not have to say anything she sensed my discomfort.

Mona: So whats wrong?

Lulu: He said I love you. What am I suppose to do?

Mona: Well do you?

Lulu: Ma adree MunMun.

Shosho: what are we girls dishing about?

I still have not told Shosho, I knew she would tell 3lawi and I did not want to have to deal with my brother and his temper.

I am not proud of what I am doing, but I have always been there for everyone. Didn't I deserve my chance at happiness? I hated hiding such an important part of my life from my best friend, but I no longer knew her.

We poured the coffee into the cups.

Lulu: Ooo I brought strawberry cheesecake

Mona: ee Shosho please bring it with you

Shosho: Inshalah

We took the coffee, and the cake to the men upstairs. I realized that Fai9al has been distant the past few months.

Fai9al: Fee gahwa 7gy?

Mona: ee ee I made extra.

Lulu: 9ooly ta3al yamy I miss you 7beeby.

Marzouq: ee bs fai9al haa o i7na?

Lulu: Zooz honey you know you are my favorite!

6alal: YA SALAM!!! okay okay lna allah!

Lulu: Come on I love you all the same, you are my brothers and I would die for you all, bs I raised Zooz o uhwa dalo3na!

We chatted for a few hours, before the married couples headed back to their quarters.

1 new message
Girlfriend

Reply
Boyfriend

1 new message
I am sorry

Reply
about what baby?

1 new message
The I love you message :( adree mat7ibeen o baby you dont have to say it back I just wanted to express my feelings.

Reply
7beeby?

1 new message
Hala 7yatie

Reply
I love you ;*

1 new message
3sa raby e5alech ly goulay ameen

Reply
ameen

Fai9al: I think its time we headed over to your room with some Chai 7leeb right?

Lulu: Nope, 7beeby nothing to tell

Fai9al: Okay

I hated lying to my brother, to Fai9al. But I could not come out and tell him I was dating 3bdullah. He would be disappointed.

3bdullah was my life away from my family and I needed that.

Incoming call MunMun

Lulu: Aloo

Mona: 7uby you wanna go for a drive, just me and you?

Lulu: Sure yala kany nazla

1 new message
Baby, Mona and I are going for a drive

Reply
Okay 7beebty, please be careful call me itha you need something

1 new message
Inshalah

We should tell Shosho she would be upset if she found out.

Lulu: Mona, we need to tell Shosho

Mona: Do we have tooo?

Lulu: hahah ee we have to

Mona: Fine!

Lulu: SHOSHO!

Shosho: yeah 7uby?

Lulu: Emshay we are going for a drive

Shosho: La, 3lawi my7ib hal sowalif I am a married woman now

Mona: Okay

We drove around, and headed to the co-op for some Baskin Robins and to pick some things we were missing.

Mona: So radaitay 3lai?

Lulu: Ee

What was getting in to me. I was acting like a school girl with raging hormones.

Mona: AND!! LULU

Lulu: I told him I loved him

Mona: AAAH so exciting, 7beebty you deserve this.

3mr: Lulu?

NO NO please don't let it be him.

3mr: Lulu, its me 3mr

Lulu: ee hala 3mr, shloonik? This is my sister in law and colleague Mona, Mona this is Dr.3bdullah's cousin.

Mona: Hala wala, Lulu honey we should be going its getting late. It was nice meeting you 3mr.

Lulu: 3n ithnik 3mr.

3mr: Alah m3akum.

Mona: Do you think he heard?

Lulu: Ma adree, I wanna leave.

1 new message
I don't know who love bs, but I assure you, you will be mine.

19

2009-02-09T23:15:00.003+03:00

It was almost lunch time, and I planned it all out. I called Mona into my office and we were discussing random facts about our colleagues, when a7mad walked in.

a7mad: ilsalam

Lulu, Moma: w3laikum ilsalam

Lula: a7midy this is my friend and colleague Mona alx, mona this is my brother a7mad.

They exchanged formalities, we talked for a few minutes.

1 new message
Boyfriend

Reply
a7la girlfriend

1 new message
a7midy is here

Reply
:(

1 new message
Ishfeek??

Reply
a7midich? ;p bs ana 3bodich

1 new message
yala ta3al 3bdaly 3ndik salfa

a7mad: Will you be joining us for lunch?

Mona: I don't want to intrude.

Lulu: Don't be silly of course you are coming

3bdullah: Ilsalam 3laikum, hala walla a7mad shloonik? Shiftik min my office o 7bait asalim

a7mad: Hala wala Bu s3oud, shlonik? 7yak ma3a bnrou7 nit'3ada

Mona shot me a look

3bdullah: La wala I dont want to intrude

a7mad: La wala 7sha, ra7 teyey yala mishaina?

We all got into a7mad's car. My brother, my boyfriend, and my brothers potential wife. Lovely.

We decided to head over to Nino for lunch. A7mad and Mona hit it off instantly, which gave me and 3bdullah time to talk we kept it professional don't worry.

We then headed back to the office.

1 new messaga
WOW, mashalah! I like her baby sis

Reply
She likes you too

1 new message
9ij galat shay?

Reply
la bs I can tell

1 new message
7beebty walla ;*

The next couple of weeks a7mad joined us for lunch almost everyday. We usually just ordered in.

1 month after their meeting

Lulu: Mona, I need to talk to you about something honey, but I hope my words will not offend you in any way

Mona: You know you always talk properly?

Lulu: Mona!

Mona: Loosen up, yala golay!

Lulu: Well to be honest, my brother, a7mad, wants to get married and he wants to know if you were interested. Mona if there is someone in your life, or you don't see yourself with my brother I completely understand, it changed nothing about our friendship.

She was quit, and very red. She looked like she needed to pass out on.

Lulu: Mona?

Mona: Lulu

Lulu: I am sorry for bringing it up sweetie.

Mona: CHUBAY, Lulu I really like your brother, and it would be an honor to be your sister in law.

Nothing was final, nothing was close to happening but I had a hunch that this was going to work out.

The next few months were hectic, going back and forth to the "new" in-laws house for both 3lawi and a7mad.

We had to furnish both apartments. I hardly saw 3bdullah since I had to be around both new ly engaged couples. We had "accidental" bump ins, other than that nothing.

I didnt hear from 3mr either, which was a relief.

3lawi and Shosho had their milcha first since they have been together for so long, they did not need time to get to know each other.

2 months later they had their wedding, and they were off to their honeymoon.

Next was A7midy.

As soon as 3lawi got back, we had the milcha and the wedding a month after.

We had to rush since my parents had to settle in Egypt for their new jobs.

The newly married couple were living with us for 2 months and it was pure bliss. Shosho, Mona and I got along, my brothers were happy, my parents were relieved, everyone was happy. I was finally free for my baby.

It was our 6 month anniversary and he wanted us to go out to a romantic dinner. We ended up going to Peacock we had our privacy and our romantic dinner.

He pulled out a small Chanel box. I opened it up. He bought me diamond studs.

3bdullah: La7a'6t mat7ibny ily elegant simple things, mithlich. I hope you like them.

I was speechless.

I gave him a quick kiss on his cheeck.

3bdullah: Uggh, thank, thank you

Ya 7beeby, he was blushing, 7beeby? really? can I say it.

Lulu: No, thank you 7beeby.

His eyes lit up like Vegas lights.

I looked down.

He lifted my chin up.

3bdullah: shino?

Lulu: Thank you?

3bdullah: Luluty please

Lulu: 7beeby

He kissed the crown of my head.

3bdullah: I have waited so long to hear that word.

Lulu: My turn

I handed him a small bag. I bought him Dunhill Sidecar Revolette Black Resin pens.

3bdullah: I love it, tadreen I am a pen collector

I leaned in close

Lulu: Why do you think I bought them!

We got coffee to go, and took a drive together before he took me back to my car. I did not want to leave. I wanted to freeze everything. I was living my long awaited fairytale.

I gave him another kiss on his cheek and thanked him for an amazing 6 months.

1 new message
I am speechless

Reply
Why 7beeby?

1 new message
Everything about today was perfect. From the way you looked, to the drive over, dinner, the gifts, and...

Reply
And...?

1 new message
and the kiss

Reply
7beeby you planned this, thank you!
3bdullah thank you for not expecting a lot out of me, um emotionally and physically I mean

1 new message
7beebty, I would never make you do something you did not want to.
I wanna be with you, I don't want anything else

Reply
;**

1 new message
I love you

Your Feed Back

2009-02-09T11:29:00.002+03:00

To my readers,

I have not been getting as much comments as I was hoping, for those who have commented it truly means a lot ;*

I was wondering what you thought so far? Is it too slow paced? Are the details enough? It is my first time to blog and I would like to do it the right way.

Your comments will be highly appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post ;)

18

2009-02-09T07:32:00.003+03:00

Mama: Lulu, 7beebty ta3al our room please.

I walked into my parents room to find them sitting there with a7midy.

Lulu: 3sa ma shar, shfekum?

a7mad: Lazem fena shay ya3nee? ta3aly gi3day yamy, ana aby atzawaj. Abech intay o omy itdawronly

Lulu: I already have someone in mind

a7mad: 9ij mino?

Lulu: Mona from work, mama you met her

Mom: ee mashalah 3laiha 5oush wa7da o jameela

Lulu: Ee she is amazing, she is your age a7midy, and we have been working with her for almost 5 years now, how about you pass by my office tomorrow and see her and if you like what you see we will go from there.

a7mad: 7ilo, mashkoura Lulu.

My brother was genuinely happy, and I would love to have Mona as my sister in law she is a great girl. She is so pure.

1 new message
Boyfriend

Reply
Girlfriend

1 new message
I am playing matchmaker

Reply
lol, who you matching up?

1 new message
My brother and Mona

Reply
Isnt she old for Fai9al?

1 new message
um, you do know I have other brothers right.
3ndy 3lawi 28, and a7mad 24 ;p

Reply
La walla? ee 9aber a7mad works ib burgan 9a7? I met him ya7laila ee elogoun 3la ba3a'6!

1 new message
Ee inshalah it works out, he is coming to see her

Reply
tell me when 3shan ayey asalim 3ly

1 new message
Inshalah

Reply
Girlfriend, can I ask you for a favor please

1 new message
Anything ;)

Reply
Can you please tell me lmn you go out o ma3a mino ;p

1 new message
haha ee inshalah ;)

Reply
Ok ;p
I am gonna call you in an hour so we sleep ;*

I went to Marzouq's room I have not seen him all day. He looked down.

Lulu: Zooz, 7beeby shfeek?

Marzouq: Haa, nothing bs malait min ilga3da

Lulu: hmm, okay you want to go out?

Marzouq: ee aby a'3ayer jaw shway

Lulu: Inshallah, digeega.

I headed towards the guys living room.

Lulu: yala gomaw

3lawi: wain?

Lulu: Marzouq is bored yaby e'3ayer jaw shay, imshaw lets drive around shway plus I want ice cream

My brothers never turned me down because I hardly ever asked for anything.

3lawi: yalla okay.

a7midy and 6alal went to help Marzouq down and I went to tell my parents, I wanted them to join us. They agreed I told them we would have a chance to talk about their new job offers.

1 new message
Baby

Reply
7uby

1 new message
I am going out with the family to get ice cream, Zooz is bored ;p

Reply
Okay 7beebty, have fun 6mneeny lmn to9leen, I wont sleep an6urich

1 new message
Inshalah ;p

We all piled into the Yukon, and let Marzouq sit in front so we wont accidentally hit him. We headed over to the Gelatto Place in bidi3 (I cannot recall the name). We got a big table outside and settled down after everyone ordered.

Baba: Since we are all here, I have to talk to you all about something

Fai9al: shfeek yuba?

Baba: Mafeny shay yuba, while I was in Egypt I was offered the job to be the Dean of X university, I will be teaching a night Master's course AND I will be working ma3a ilsafara to help out all the new Kuwaiti students .

3lawi: that is great!

Baba: Your mom will also be transferring there.

a7mad: Okay

Baba: Marzouq ana kint abyeek teyey ma3ana bs Lulu said no.

Marzouq: ee I want to stay here please baba maby a'3ayer my school and my friends plus...

Mama: Adree plus Lulu is here.

Marzouq: Mama, mo ga9dy tadreen aby akoun ma3akum bs ma aby I leave my friends o i5wany fahma

Mama: 7beeby inta ana mo za3la bl3ks ana aby ily eray7ik

Fai9al: Yalla you will live your single lives again min '3airna

Baba: hahah ee bs malaina minkum

Lulu: haha, o what about all the benefits you get for working in KU? do you still get benefits?

Baba: ee the boys education is paid for completely, we get free tickets twice a month, ra7 yamshely ma3ash jam3at ilkuwait as if tega3dt and yamshly a new ma3ash for my new job there. Its double what I am getting here.

a7mad: Mashalah, thats great yuba

Baba: ee, glt 7g omik mla da3y she works bs mu9ira!

I was happy for my parents, my father has worked so hard and he is finally getting what he deserves. We will manage without them here.

a7mad: ana b3d 3ndy shay agoula

Fai9al: lykoun inta b3d you are moving?

a7mad: haha not really, bs ana 6lbt min omy o Lulu edawrounly, aby atzawaj

3lawi: min 9ijik?

a7mad: ee ishfeek

3lawi: mafrou' 6 ana atzawaj gablik

a7mad: 3lwy malait wna an6er 5ala9 aby atzawaj, lain mita ban6urik ya3nee?

3lawi: 5ala9 ana aby atzwaj

a7mad: shino li3ba?

3lawi: shofay hm ana 3ndy shay bagoula, um ana fee wa7da ib 7yatie o aby atzawjha, kint na6er lain Lulu ter'6a o she just found out a few days ago.

Mama: mo fahma

3lawi: Its 3ysha ilX

Mama: NO WAY??

3lawi: haha ee walla

Mama: yal 5ayes, o laish ma giltlina?

3lawi: ma adree shosho 6lbt miny ma agoul lain ehya itkalim Lulu.

Babe: 5ala9 i7na mi7na imsafreen lain in5ala9 maw'9o3kum

It was a happy day all around, and even though my parents were leaving we were gaining 2 people. That is if things work out with Mona. Inshalah they do.

1 new message
I want a big family with you one day

17

2009-02-09T02:11:00.003+03:00

I put my phone down, and tried to focus on Mona to settle my nerves. What should I do? I can't come out and bluntly tell him I am falling for your cousin, I hardly knew him. The idea of hurting him would kill me.

Love is not hard.

Love hurts.

Mona: Lula, are you even in there?

Lulu: Mona, say I had a friend, and she started dating someone recently and his best friend seems to have taken interest in her, what should she do?

Mona: So are you dating 3mr aw 3bdullah?

Lulu: Is it that obvious?

Mona: The fact that they are both staring at you from across the area would concur that yup it is.

Lulu: So they are both here?

Mona: Yup, at Starbucks, if you slightly turn your head to the right you would see them. I don't think you should though

Lulu: Mona..

Mona: Lulwo itha btgoleenly please don't tell anyone wala bagoum a6igich, we have worked together for 5 years sweetie I wont tell I promise. Now I can live through you, and your messy triangle.

Lulu: I dont know what to do, I have had a crush on 3bdullah since I can remember, and then his charming cousin comes out of the blue and, we have so much in common. He is charismatic, he has character, educated, cultured, just perfect. But 3bdullah.

Just like that, I sank into my own thoughts. I was confused, and lost and I did not know what to do.

Mona and I headed back to the office, and after 4 endless hours, and a migraine I got behind my steering wheel and headed home. I missed my parents and was excited to see them.

I walked in, and heard them all upstairs, I asked Damena to prepare lunch for me and I went to join my family. I stayed quiet for the most part, I had my lunch and excused myself. I hardly napped but today I think I needed one, especially since everyone in the house was taking one.

I got into my comfy PJ, shut the shutters and the blinds, and went to sleep.

I first dreamt about 3bdullah, but 3mr found his way into my dream, I woke up with a pounding heart and a vibrating phone.

Lulu: Aloo

3bdullah: mhmm

Lulu: hahaha 9a7 ilnoum

3bdullah: hmmm

Lulu: Baby itha still nayem laish you call

3bdullah: 3shan asma3 9outich

Lulu: Can I see you?

3bdullah: min '3air ma ts2leen, wain?

Lulu: F7ai7eel?

3bdullah: Okay, ana bagoum I get ready.

Lulu: 3boudy

3bdullah: 3youna

Lulu: Can we meet somewhere, so we drive there together?

3bdullah: I thought you would never ask.

We decided on where to meet, and since Mona told me I could use her as my excuse, I sent her a text informing her and she let me know where she is and with whom.

After checking in on Marzouq and his homework, I excused myself and headed towards the destination we decided on. There he was, but no in his Aston Martin. He was in a black Cayenne Turbo S, completely tinted.

I parked next to him, and casually slid into the front seat.

Lulu: New car?

3bdullah: You can say that. You don't have to worry about being seen 7beebty.

He changed gears, placed his hand in mine and we headed over to our new hangout. We talked, we laughed, and we gazed at each other. Things were perfect, so why did I have to think about 3mr?

We stayed there for 2 hours, and headed back. He parked his car next to me, and turned his headlights off and turned around to look at me. He was playing with each finger, stroking my hands lightly. I needed something to slow down my racing heart.

3bdullah: I love our outings.

Lulu: Me too

3bdullah: 7beebty intay

I looked down, I was so flustered and at a loss for words.

3bdullah: fedait ily tist7y

Lulu: I should be going now.

3bdullah: haha okay 7beebty, ana ra7 aw9lich ilbait

He kissed my arm and watched me get out of his car and into mine. He waited for me to reverse and then he followed me home to make sure I arrived safely.

1 new message
A7la youm ib7yatie

16

2009-02-09T00:34:00.003+03:00

a7mad: Lulwa

Lulu: mhh

a7mad: yala Lulwa its 6 goumay

Lulu: inshalah.

My memory was blurred out, I was almost positive I was talking to 3bdullah I just don't remember finishing the conversation. I pulled my phone from under my pillow

1 new message
9ba7 il5air Lulty ;)

What a pleasant way to wake up.

1 new message
I really cant wait to see you

Reply
I am sorry, but who is this?

1 new message
Good Morning Lulu

Reply
You havent answered my question, who are you?

1 new message
3mr

I threw my phone on the floor.

Fai9al: hw ishfeech?

Lulu: shoot. Nothing, haha the alarm was annoying me

Fai9al: uh ok, shino taben 7g breakfast?

Lulu: Labna and cucumber sandwich m3a orange juice with..

Before I finished he answered

Fai9al: Adree wayed ice.

1 new message
9ba7 il nour 3boudy

Reply
twa ma nawr telefony, how did you sleep?

1 new message
Like a hibernating bear, honey I am going to be late to work I have to pass by Zooz school to talk to the principle. I sent 3bdulwahad a message.

Reply
Okay 7beebty, take care

I washed up and slipped into a white dress with a brown waist belt with my dark olive green heels. Eyeliner, mascara, blush, no sense in applying lipstick before breakfast. Splashed on my Narciso Rodriguez, and walked down to enjoy breakfast. I always wore my diamond studs, I was not a fan of big or bold ear rings I liked simple things, and you could never go wrong with diamonds.

I drove 6alal to school, and headed over to the principles office. We made arrangements for 6alal to pick up Marzouq's assignments each afternoon, and drop them to the office each morning. I took his schedule for each class and textbooks so that he would not fall behind in class.

9

Incoming call 3mr

I dont answer

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: Hii

3bdullah: Hiyain b3dain, ha 7beebty wainich

Lulu: Driving to the office, is something wrong?

3bdullah: No sweetie, and I am stepping out of the office for a meeting, and 3mour is coming to see my dad I was wondering if you would keep him company 3la ma in5al9 we wont be more than an hour I promise.

Lulu: This cant be good. Of course, min 3yony.

3bdullah: tislamly 3younich 7beebty, 5ala9 I will see you later.

I parked my car and walked in to my office, I asked but he has not arrived yet so I pop into Mona's office to have our morning coffee, and I heard his familiar voice.

3mr: Lw sm7t, wain maktab Lulu ilX

Lulu: Hala 3mr, 7yack, tefa'9al

3mr: alah e7eech.

I excused myself from Mona and we headed over to my office. I knew it was going to be one of those awkward conversations, to my disappointment it was enjoyable. He told me about his university and how working in the States changed his perspective on so many things, but at the end of the day it was not home and that is why he came back. After an hour and a half of nonstop talking. He brought it up, the thing I was dreading.

3mr: I hope you dont mind, but I got your number from Shosho

Lulu: I am sorry 3mr, but you should have asked me first

3mr: Adree, bs kint 5ayef ma ta36enya

Lulu: So you went behind my back?

3mr: haha Lulu I am sorry, 7agich 3ly.

1 new message
I miss you ;*

3mr: I wish I made you smile like that.

Lulu: Not that it is any of your business but its just a friend.

3mr: good cause I am too old to fight a man for you.

3bdullah: 3moooooooooooor, 7beeby sorry 6walt, thank you Lulu for putting up with my annoying cousin.

Lulu: La ishda3wa Dr.3bdullah, it was my pleasure.

I hope he did not hear

3mr: Thank you Lulu, for everything. Ashofich 3la 5air inshallah.

3bdullah: 3mour oboy ib maktiba, ana kany yay

3bdullah shut my office door and sat in front of. I did not like the way he was looking at me.

Lulu: whats wrong.

3bdullah: intay

Lulu: He heard. Ishfeny?

3bdullah: You look gorgeous, I love the white on you.

Lulu: I think my heart actually stopped. 3bdullah mo wagta al7een i7na at work

3bdullah: Okay, bs mny 6ali3 min maktibich

Lulu: Laaaaish?

3bdullah: Dr.3bdullah haa?

Lulu: haha 3bdoody, baby 5ala9 we are at work lazem inkoun professional

DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT!! NO NO NO!!!!

3bdullah: 3boody, o baby ib nafs ilsentence, laaa mny 6ali3 kaifich.

Lulu: 3bdullah!!

3bduallah: haahaha inzaain, who are you having lunch with?

Lulu: Mona.

Well thats what I want

3bdullah: okay 5ala9, tabeen shay?

Lulu: La salamtik

He walked out of my office, and I called Mona.

Mona: Are the boys done fighting over you?

Lulu: WHAT?

Mona: haha calm down babe I am just teasing you, loosen up shway

Lulu: haha listen wanna grab lunch?

Mona: I would love to, bye

I went back to the pile of papers I had and before I knew it Mona marched into my office.

Mona: yalla lunch

Lulu: Its 11:30, lunch is at 12

Mona: well Dr.3bdulmi7sen left, and so did Dr.3bullah so yala

I wonder why he didnt tell me he was going.

We went to Paul for lunch, we both wanted something sweet.

1 new message
I cant stop thinking about you, I wish I was the one sitting in front of you.

15

2009-02-08T20:31:00.003+03:00

Shosho: 3mooooooooury!!!

Lulu: Lovely.

3mr: Shosho....shlonich? Hala Lulu, shlonich? sha5barich?

Lulu: Hala 3mr, ib5air inta shlonik. Hala 3bdullah, this is my friend 3ysha ilX, 3ysha this is my boss Dr.3bdullah ilX.

Was I suppose to inform him that I was going out? I really dont know what to do!

3bdullah: The famous Shosho, 3mour talked about you so much, its nice to finally meet you!

Shosho: I hope he said good things, and if not kina in high school fa ma3thoura!

3mr: Shosho 3bdullah is my cousin, and what a small world he is your boss Lulu.

I just smiled.

3bdullah: 7yakum, join us.

Shosho: La wala thank you, we should be getting back home we are just here to pick up our order.

3mr: Since we all know each other, we should go out to dinner or something soon, would that be okay Lulu?

Why does he keep addressing me. 3bdullah did not take his eyes off me, I wish I put a bit more effort into my wardrobe. Great now I care.

Lulu: Sure, that would be lovely. It was good seeing you, 3bdullah ashofik bacher inshalah. M3a ilsalama!

We walked in to chocolate bar, I was flushed. I did not know if it was because I saw them both together, or because I saw him. Which him made me flush. I hated experiencing guilt, it truly can drive a person up the wall.

Shosho: Ma shal 3aina minich.

Lulu: who?

Shosho: your boss, of and now 3mr is staring at you. Wait he is walking in.

3mr: Lulu?

Lulu: Great. Hala 3mr

3mr: I was wondering if you wanted to get some coffee with me, I would love to get to know you. Shosho will set it up.

Just like that he walked away. My bofriend's cousin wants to get to know me better.

Shosho: That is so cute, tara mara7 tilgain wa7id a7san mna 9adgeny

Lulu: how come you didn't fall for him?

That was harsh.

Lulu: sorry honey, lets just get going I don't like being away from Marzouq.

On the way to the car, I was deep in my thoughts. Comparing both guys, and I realized I did not know either one of them. Don't I deserve the chance to get to know each man? No, I couldn't do that to 3bdullah. If/when Shosho sets up something I will think of it.

Shosho: Aloo, hala 7beeby, ee maraina tawna 6al3een min chocolate bar o ry7een baitkum, haha ee, 3lawi!...okay me too, bye!

Love is in the air.

1 new messgae
Girlfriend

Reply
Boyfriend ;p

1 new message
I loved the green

Reply
and I loved seeing you

1 new message
7beebty walla, 3mour shagny kil shway yis2al 3nich

Reply
hahaa weird!

1 new messgae
wain btro7oun? shloun marzouq, tara I have something for him

Reply
um, for Marzouqo? We are heading home.

1 new messgae
Ee mo 7gich ;p
I will either give it to you bacher.

Reply
3boody, you shouldnt have

1 new message
I did ;p
7beebty aby asma3 9outch before you sleep.

Reply
Inshalah, I will call you ;)

1 new message
Drive safely, i7na ry7een ilduwanya akalmich b3dain.

Shosho: mino s3eed il7a'6 ily he is making you grin like that.

I should have told her, I just could not bring myself to saying the truth and not because I was the type that believed an eye for an eye.

Lulu: Shosho, its Mona from my work remember her?

Shosho: ee ya7lailha she is nice, we should go out with her.

Lulu: ee inshalah.

Me and Mona had a great relationship in the office, we were the only Kuwaiti girls on our floor. We started work together, and we quickly bonded. Like us, she was not yet married.

We parked infront of the house, and I noticed 3lawi's car was parked. We head up to the living room, and I call the boys to come say hi to Shosho. They were all use to her, we did not attend the same school, we met through our parents when we were 4 and were joined by the hip ever since.

fai9al: SHOSHO!!

Shosho: FAI9AL!

a7med: laish il9ra5?

Shosho: haha ma adree ish6a6aina.

Each brother went up to her to kiss he on both cheeks, and when it was 3lawi's turn I saw the sparkle in his eyes for her. He was thrilled to see her, like she just made his day. We sat down on the couches, and coincidentally 3lawi ended up next to her. They were having their mini conversations while I listened to my brothers argue about something. We moved Marzouq outside for a change of scenery.

6alal: SHOSHO, SHOSHO, SHOSHO

Shosho: 6ILY, 6ILY, 6ILY

As you can see, we are just like every other family.

6alal: intay wainich, ishda3wa yuba ta3aly ta3aly.

He walked over to her and hugged her. They always had a special bond, and none of us knew why. She always cradled him like he was her younger brother, or even her own son. We were 10 when 6alal was born and we slowly saw him grow up, maybe that is why.

6alal had this charm about him, he was a shy boy but once you got him talking you were mesmerized by his words, his attitude, how he delivers his stories. He was charming.

The house phone rang, I left the group to their chatter and got up to answer it.

Lulu: Aloo?
Baba: Hala 7beebty, hala Lulwa

Lulu: Hala baba, how are you? I miss you!

Baba: Wala me more honey, i7na il7imdillah ib5air intaw shlonkum? shloun Marzouqo?

Lulu: Il7imdillah he is much better, he still wont be able to go to school for a few days, tomorrow morning I will be heading over there to talk to the principle to give 6alal all his school work.

Baba: ee 7beebty, thank you. Inzain Lulwa, I want to talk to you about something.

Lulu: 5air baba

Baba: I was offered to be the Dean of X University here, I will be also working with the embassy to help out the Kuwaiti Students here, and I will be teaching a Master's course.

Lulu: Baba, thats wonderful, mabrook! and what about mama?

Baba: The sister company of where she works just opened up here and they agreed for her transfer as the accountant here.

Lulu: That is good, baba why are you hesitant.

Baba: Ma adree, I think I will move Marzouq here

Lulu: La baba, please don't b3dain I am sure he wouldn't want to leave his friends, and to be honest I don't think I can stand not having him here. Don't worry about him, the driver takes him to school and I am here to help him with school work I promise.

Baba: Ma adree ya baba, what if you meet someone..

Lulu: What if I do? Am I going to marry him tomorrow? No! please stop thinking of us, this is an opportunity of a lifetime.

Baba: Adree ya 7beebty, anyways i7na bacher no9al I called Camy and told him to pick us up, and we will have a family talk about this, they gave me 2 weeks to think about it.

Lulu Ok baba, bl salama inshalah. Tell mama I say hi.

Baba: Alah esalmich 7beebty, yo9al inshalah, m3a ilsalama.

I joined my brothers, and I just told them it was my dad. It was getting late, Shosho excused herself and 3lawi offered to follow her back home since it was late. Of course she agreed. The more I saw them together, the more I wanted them to be together.

1 new message
Girlfriend

Reply
Boyfriend

1 new message
I missed you ;p

Reply
Can you talk?

1 new message
We are leaving the duwanya I will call you once I drop 3mour, ne6reny

Reply
Inshalah

I sat with my brothers for a few minutes, each one headed back to his room. Marzouq and I were the only ones that lived on this floor. The rest of the boys were in the new attachment of the house. As bad as this may sound I did not have to worry about whispering, since the living room separated my wing from Marouqs.

I took a shower, got into some crisp PJ's and snuggled into bed waiting for his phone call. Just as I was about to drift off yet again, he called me.

haLulu: Aloo,

3bdullah: hahah hala 7beebty

Lulu: hala feek

3bdullah: How was your day? Inshalah istanastaw?

Lulu: yup, what about you?

3bdullah: kafy iny shftich, so this is your brothers Shosho a

Lulu: Well she is my Shosho, but I guess sharing is caring.

3bdullah: Barney?

Lulu: you know barney?

3bdullah: haa, laa I dont haha

Lulu: ya5ty 3laik, ityanin

Where did that come from, I guess your mind really is not with you when you are tired.

3bdullah: intay ily btyaneny ma3ach

Lulu: laish?

3bdullah: awaln 3ndy so3al

Lulu: go ahead

3bdullah: Laish you only talk in English ma3ay?

Lulu: its not just with you

3bdullah: ok, so laish?

Lulu: haha, does it bother you?

3bdullah: bil3ks, bs hearing you talk Arabic is real attractive.

Lulu: and why is that?

3bdullah: leanich dalo3ty

I dont know what to say.

3bdullah: you dont do so well with the mushy stuff haa

Lulu: you noticed

3bdullah: ee, 3dee with time inshalah

Lulu: mhmmm

3bdullah: ti9b7een 3la 5air Luluty

I was fast asleep.

1 new message
I really cant wait to see you

14

2009-02-08T11:52:00.004+03:00

I stomped down the marble steps into the downstairs living room.

Lulu: yes 6alal?

6alal: I need help please.

Lulu: Sure, with what?

6alal: imti7any il3rby bacher, o KILISH mo fahem ildrous!

Lulu: okay lets go to Dad's office where you wont be distracted.

6alal: inzain first bayebly snack, tabeen shay?

Lulu: let them make me warm milk please.

After spending what seemed like endless hours teaching 6alal his Arabic lessons, I could hear the rest of the gang downstairs, which could only mean one thing. The men were hungry!

a7mad: ana, f9ail o 3lwy bnrou7 ilshalaih 3nd 7mani, 6alool ibteyey?

6alal: La ana ba6la3 ma3a 7mado

Lulu: okay have fun, o 7u6aw balkum 3la nafskum!

Each brother kissed me on the cheek before stepping out, and I headed up to my little brother.

Lulu: so the army abandoned you?

Marzouq: naah 3ndy my baby sis I dont need them.

Lulu: okay 3yal what do you want to eat, I will send Camy to bring us something.

Marzouq: Mishtehy the Saint louis min Johnny Rockets ma3a chili cheese fries

Lulu: you read my mind

I went downstairs to inform the driver. He has been with us since 3lawi was born, he was more than just the driver he watched us grow up, he practically raised us! I included extra burgers for him and for the 2 nannies.

I went up to Marzouq's room and popped Transformers into the DVD player, it was his favorite movie. We enjoyed our burgers, and we both managed to fall asleep, and once again I woke up to my vibrating phone. I hated phones that rung, they annoyed me.

Lulu: aloo

3bdullah: ana kil ma adig 3laich nyma?

Lulu: I am like a hibernating bear.

3bdullah: noum il3wafi, inzain sweetie I am sorry but I wont be able to make coffee ra7 a6la3 ma3a 3mour ok?

Lulu: I forgot they were cousins. Ee of course its okay, have fun.

3bdullah: ishfeech bt9ikina ?

Lulu: oh, I am sorry I thought the conversation was over. (You could tell I was new at this)

3bdullah: hahah I wanna ask you something.

Lulu: sure, if its not too embarrassing.

3bdullah: Am I your first?

Lulu: my first what?

3bdullah: your first anything?

I needed the perfect come back, something that will show him how much I am giving up and letting go of for him

Lulu: you are my first everything!

3bdullah: 9ij 7beebty?

There goes the mushiness again.

Lulu: ee, um 3boody

That was all I could come up with.

3bdullah: ya b3d 3umry walla, inzain ana a5alech al7een bs mo tinsainy all day

Lulu: inshalah

3bdullah: bye 7beebty

Lulu: bye..

I just couldn't do it. Its like walking, I needed baby steps before I was fully confident to cross the room, or in this case to be mushy.

It was 8 and I was bored. I wanted to do something. I needed to make things right with Shosho, so I called her up and asked her if she wanted to come over. She agreed but asked me if I wanted to head over to chocolate bar to grab a variety of cupcakes. She had me at chocolate.

I went up to check on Marzouq he was fast asleep. I did not want to leave him home alone, but we should not be gone for long. I wore a green dress, with my metallic ballerinas, my hair was still int he messy pony tail. I put on a thin line of the eye linear, and mac's lip glass gloss. You never knew who you might bump in to at chocolate bar.

She honked to let me know she had arrived, I rushed down the flight of stairs and told the nannies that I would be back soon, and asked them to keep an eye on Marzouq.

I missed my best friend, I loved being around her. We took the long way to chocolate bar just to spend more time together. We parked in Marina and headed upstairs to pick up the order we had placed moments ago.

There he was.

Looking better than the last time I saw him, which was not a long time ago.

I experienced something else for the first time.

Guilt.

13

2009-02-08T05:05:00.004+03:00

We had our lunch, and I told them I was okay with them being together, and I honestly was happy for them. However, the whole fact they hid 7 years of their lives from me. For the most part I was not upset with my brother and my best friend, I was upset at myself. I am acting like a fresh graduated school girl who falls in love with her professor. It is morally wrong on every level, but its like a scab once you start picking at it you couldnt stop.

1 new message
Okay, I can meet you later on tonight, I wanna show you something. I will give you a call.

We headed back home, I was feeling drousy since I slept for a few hours I decided I would take a nap. I was wrong.

a7mad: Lulu, Lulu nsait agolich .

Lulu: what a7mad?

a7mad: Shino ism your boss?

Lulu: shoot. Dr.3bdullah AlX laish?

a7mad: La he came into the bank ams o we got talking fa s2alny itha I knew you o I told him inich i5ty!

Lulu: ooh, a7midy please 7yatie I wanna take a nap wake me up an 2 hours please.

a7mad: inshalah, if I leave aw9y Fai9al 3laich.

Finally, just as I was about to drift off to sleep.

Marzouq: LULU!!

Lulu: La illah ila allah!

Lulu: na3am ya marzouq what do you want.

Marzouq: I dont feel to good baby sis.

He did indeed look yellow, and out of no where the bandage on his hand was soaked with his blood.

Lulu: 3LAWI please someone come.

It took my brothers a second to absorb what happened. 3lawi carried Marzouq into his arms and we all ran into the car.

Lulu: don't take him to mbarak, take him to a private hospital.

We headed over to Dar Alshifa and they quickly took him in. It turned out that the same needle was used for all his cuts so his hand, which was sutured last was infected. That is Kuwait's hospitals for you.

The sutures were removed and new stitches were placed into his arm. He was in pain, they did not want to give him any pain killers afraid it might cause an allergic reaction. We were in the hospital for 3 hours.

1 new message
How about the indian restaurant in SAS?

Reply
We had to go back to the hospital for Marzouq there was an infection :(

1 new message
What? Ay mustashfa I am coming.

Reply
No no, please don't I am with my brothers, I don't think I am going to be able to make it for dinner, I am really sorry 3bdullah ;/

1 new message
No honey, don't worry 6amneny ;)

My frown was turning upside down, but I had to control it since all 5 of my brothers were looking at me.

We were finally discharged from the hospital. I was exhausted I barely made it up to
Marzouq's room, I fell asleep next to my brother trying to comfort him.

My phone was vibrating, I quickly picked it up I did not want Marzouq to wake up.

Lulu: Aloo?

3bdullah: Lulu?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah

3bdullah: Hala feech, ha shloun Marzouqo is he better?

Lulu: ee il7imdillah, what time is it?

3bdullah: its 9, I know its real early but I...

Lulu: la its okay, do, do you want to get breakfast or coffee?

3bdullah: ee I would love to. Wain?

Lulu: don't laugh, I want scrambled egg and bacon with cold orange juice so Johnny Rockets please.

3bdullah: Okay, we will go to the one ily bl manshar its always empty.

Lulu: Okay I will change and head out.

Thank god it was Saturday and all my brothers slept in, and since my parents were not here bait 3my are not coming to lunch. I washed up, put my hair in a tiny ponytail and pinned down all the loose strands with bobby pins, I wore a baby pink dress that barely reached my knees with purple ballerina's and my messenger bag.

He was parking when I arrived, he waited for me to park and we walked in together. We ordered our food. It was quiet, it was awkward.

Lulu: uhh

3bdullah: uhh

We both said at the same time, and then we both laughed.

Lulu: you go first

3bdullah: Okay, I was thinking about something, you know how I said that there was trouble at home, well it was because I stood up to my father and told him that I will marry whoever I wanted and if he did not like that, I will just walk out.

Lulu: So, so what are you saying?

3bdullah: how about we give this a try? Me and you? ishrayich

Lulu: NO, say No. Okay.

3bdullah: yeah?

Lulu: yeaah.

For the first time in my life I experienced a feeling I have heard about, I feeling that is associated when you talk to the man you like. Yes, there were butterflies in my stomach. We ate our breakfast, talking about the most random things.

I had to head back home to check on Marzouq and we agreed to meet for coffee at night.

I called him on the drive back.

Lulu: Listen 3bdullah, I don't want this to change how we are at work. I am still your employee and you need to treat me that way.

3bdullah: e9eer khair Luluty.

I stayed quiet, I was blushing.

3bdullah: sweetie are you there?

Lulu: yeah I am, okay I need to hang up, I will call yo later bye.

The thing about me is I believe I am frigged, I don't know how to be emotional, okay with my brothers I am but they are my brothers thats different.

I am 26 I have never been in love, I have never been in a relationship I just had the occasional crushes that were always one sided.

So I guess now that I am in a relationship certain things are going to have to change, I don't think my boyfriend would enjoy it if I ran away every time he said something mushy.

1 new message
Girlfriend

Reply
Boyfriend

1 new message
ya 7lwich wintay mista7ya ;p

Reply
3bdoody knock it offf

20 minutes no reply

1 new msg
3bdullah?

Reply
La la what did you call me?

1 new msg
umm 3boody ;p?

Reply
Barou7 ilmustashfa

I called him

Lulu: Shfeek??

3bdullah: barou7 af7a9 galby!

Lulu: 3bdullah whats wrong??

3bdullah: mo ana 3bdoodich

Lulu: haha ee so?

3bdullah: bs my heart stopped fa barou7 ilmustashfa

Lulu: hm tell me how it goes,

6alal: LULU

Lulu: ughh I should go, I will call you later. bye 3boody

1 new msg
I just died and went to heaven. Let me know about coffee ;)

12

2009-02-08T02:33:00.003+03:00

I didnt answer him. I knew he was going to join me since he followed me.

Lulu: what are you doing here?

3bdullah: le7agtich

Lulu:I can see that, how did you know?

3bdullah: kint 9afi6 bara baitkum I needed to talk to you, is marzouq better?

Lulu: ee il7imdillah.

Just like that, my knees couldn't hold me up anymore, I collapsed. Instead of falling into the water, I fell into his arms.

I never cried, even at my grandmothers funeral I didn't cry. She lived in our house and I saw her everyday and I did not cry. Now I was a broken water faucet. He sat me on the sand and gave me space. I cried my heart out.

1 hour later.

3bdullah: Lulu

Lulu: mhmm

3bdullah: Tabeen we go get coffee?

Lulu: ee please.

We walked over to Starbucks by Alkout, it was a far walk but it was enjoyable. We walked in silence. I had my arm crossed around my chest as if I was holding back any other emotions from escaping.

3bdullah: what would you like to drink?

Lulu: just some warm milk with cinnamon please.

3bdullah: you should eat something.

Lulu: I am not in the mood of eating, thank you .

We got our drinks and headed over to the couch I sunk into the couch, the way my thoughts sunk into my mind.

Lulu: 3bdullah...

3bdullah: Lulu, don't please not now.

Lulu: Inshalah.

We sat there for 3 hours, we shared childhood stories, awkward teenage stories and our university experiences. We were both attending Kuwait University at the same time, he claimed we had a class together and that is why he asked his father to hire me. I don't remember.

Incoming call Shosho.

Silent.

1 new message Shosho
please Lulu

Reply
I am out, I will see you at lunch.

3bdullah: you ok? do you need to go?

Lulu: La, bs if you have to go I understand!

3bdullah: La I don't want to go home.

Lulu: I hope I am not imposing but is everything ok?

3bdullah: Inshalah it will be.

He shined his pearly whites. I liked him. He was slowly climbing up my veins and creeping into my heart. I wanted to be with him, but I knew it was going nowhere, could I do that. Could I just be with him for the sake of being with him. He makes me happy. He soothes me.

We walked back to our cars at 11, his eyes were beginning to droop. I could tell he was tired. I drove back home, but stopped at our favorite bakery to pick up some yummy treats for my brothers.

Everyone was asleep except for 3lawi.

3lawi: wain kintay?

Lulu: out.

3lawi: okay ma3a mino?

Lulu: bro7y, taby takel?

3lawi: okay 5aleny aga3id the boys. Where are we going to lunch?

Lulu: I dont mind!

3lawi: tabeen we pick her up aww.

Lulu: mala da3y we will meet her there.

3lawi: okaay.

We had breakfast with the boys in Marzouq's room since he shoul not be moving a lot. I got caught up with my reading before my lunch.

3lawi and I drove to Promodoro, we knew it wouldn't be crowded, we needed to be alone.

Lulu: Before anyone of you speak. I just wanted to say that if I was informed about this earlier I would have been thrilled for the both of you. I love you both so much and I want you to be happy, but for you to hide this from me, for 7 years is killing me. Why did you have to hide it?

Shosho: Well at first, it started off when dashaina iljam3a. We were in the same major so he use to help me out with classes and professors and then we took our electives together which made us study together. Things just progressed, and I was scared to tell you I was worried about what you might say.

Lulu: Shosho, I would have been thrilled. If I searched the whole world I would not find a girl better than you for my brother and the same goes for him.

Shosho: I dont know what to say, I am sorry please forgive me

Lulu: Its okay, lets just eat.

I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
Could you please inform me when you wake up, I would like to see you.

11

2009-02-07T23:12:00.003+03:00

3bdullah: akeed, wain tabeen?

Lulu: Starbucks iljabriya

3bdullah: ay 9oub 9ayer? ym Mcdonalds?

Lulu: ee min wara kind of.

3bdullah: 3araft waina yalla 5 minutes and I will be there.

I looked at myself through my rear view mirror, what was I doing? I was escaping my problems and heading for him? What was I doing, this is not right, this cant be good. You know when you do something thats awfully wrong, but its worth it because of the thrill you get? I loved that feeling, I never got the feeling. I deserved that feeling right? I have always been there for my brothers, and my friends no one ever asked me if I was happy, except for my 12 year old brother.

This was insane. I had to stop. I was going to stop, just after I talked to him. I arrived to Starbucks, it was empty. Perfect. I got in ordered camomile tea I had to calm down. I sat outside, I needed fresh air, then again we were in Kuwait so how much fresh air was I going to inhale?

3bdullah: Lulu, are you ok?

Just like that, those 4 words calmed me down.

Lulu: um yes I am.

3bdullah: you scared me

Lulu: look 3bdullah I am a straight forward person, I shouldn't be here with, its wrong on so many levels. You are my boss, I work for you, your father owns the company...

3bdullah: and? i7na ga3den insawi shay '3ala6? laa! intay my friend o bs.

Lulu: Friend o bs?

3bdullah: I mean...listen Lulu you know who my father is, he would never let me...

Lulu: marry me

3bdullah: not because feech shay bs...

Lulu: my family name, my family background

3bdullah: I am sorry Lulu, I don't think like that but my parents are very traditional.

Lulu: Ladies and gentleman welcome to my life story. I understand, excuse me 3bdullah its getting late I should be on my way home. I am sorry about all of this.

Just like that I left, the man I hardly knew, the man who was so wrong for me, the first man that broke my heart. He was not mean, he was not harsh he was just honest.

I drove back home feeling numb. 2 weeks ago I was just a girl with a crazy crush, now I am a girl that feels absolutely nothing.

I walked into the house, ignoring everyone. I locked my bedroom door, something I seldom did. I turned my phone off. Drew me a bubble bath and set out some relaxing candles. I just sat there staring at the pillar in the middle of my bathroom. I was like that pillar carrying the weight of my family and friends on my back, will I last like the pillar or will I collapse?

I stepped out of the bubble bath and rinsed myself with some fresh water and wrapped my purple bathrobe around my body. I flopped into my couch and just sat in the dark for an hour.

knock knock

Lulu: Mino

Fai9al: ana

Lulu: honey I just need to be alone

Fai9al: there has been an accident

It took a moment for me to grasp the bomb my brother had just dropped on me.

I got up, opened the door. I never cried.

Lulu: What happened?

Fai9al: 6alool pushed marzouqo and he landed on the glass table breaking it, there are a few shards of glass but his hand is open wide, 3lawi and a7mad took him to the doctor, change lets go.

Lulu: I never cried, and I am not going to start now.

I hopped into a black dress, with my white flats took my bag and walked downstairs. I never cried.....
.....................

until I saw 6alal.

I ran over to my brother, crying, sobbing, weaving could not describe the state he was in. I hugged him, I started to cry, I couldn't stand seeing my brother in pain. I wanted to be the pillar to carry their pain, their trouble their everything, I never want to see anyone I love in this state.

6alal: walla Lulu I didn't think I pushed him so hard, wala im sorry.

Lulu: 79al khair 7beeby, lets go see him I am sure he wants to see you

We walked out into Fai9als car and headed over to the hospital. We got the information from 3lawi and headed over to the emergency ward. There he was, my 12 year old brother bandaged up all over. He got 3 stitches right above his eyebrow, 6 stitches on his left leg and 10 stitches on his left arm yet he still managed to be laughing.

6alal: Marzouq sami7ny wala ma kan ga9dy.

Marzouq: 6alool ishfeek, now I have stitches wanasa I will show them off bl madrisa, bs mny gayel inik dazaitny bagoul iny I fought.

We sat for a few hours until he was off the IV that was giving him his pain killers, and we took him home. 6alal did not leave Marzouq's side catering to his every need, he even slept next to him in case Marzouq needed something at night. I slept on the couch in the upstairs living room.

Lulu: 3bdullah don't leave

a7med: Lulu ishfeech?

Lulu: please don't leave me

a7mad: honey you are asleep, I moved you into your bed tabeny ag3ad ma3ach

Lulu: haa, a7mad whats wrong?

a7mad: nothing intay ily shfeech ga3da it5arbi6een.

I went back to sleep, dreaming of him.

I woke up at 6, I couldn't sleep. I needed a drive to clear my head. I drove all the way to F7ai7eel, parked somewhere and walked to the ba7ar. I was ankle deep enjoying the feeling of the waves washing over my feet. I needed someone to wash over me.

1 text message
May I join you?

10

2009-02-07T05:30:00.006+03:00

I headed back into the office, I was hurt. There was something unusual about the office, it was empty.

3bdullah: Lulu?

Lulu: uh na3am 3bdullah. This is not the time.

3bdullah: Ah zain no more Dr.3bdullah, I really don't like that. Tara I let everyone go early leana mako shu'3ul, fa you can leave.

I should have left, I just did not want to go home and deal with my brother.

Lulu: 3bdullah, if there is no work, why aren't you heading home if you don't mind me asking.

He looked terrible, like something had happened.

3bdullah: lets go grab some coffee ishrayich?

Lulu: okay

We headed over to Starbucks behind the church, I loved going there, there always was a nice crowd.

3bdullah: shino tshrebeen?

Lulu: White mocha please with extra caramel. I wont argue about who is going to pay.

He came over with our drinks.

3bdullah: Lulu my cousin is passing by I just need to give him the keys to the shalaih, do you mind?

Lulu: not at all

3bdullah: Hala 3mour, ee i7na da5el, 7yak...laa...yala okay ana a6l3lik.

Lulu: 3mour it cant be the same one, it is a common name.

3bdullah: I love having him back, he use to study in the states o seeda got a job there and he has been working there for 4 years. Uhwa mithel o5oy!

Lulu: IT cant be the same 3mr, 3mr from Shosho's office, she knew who my boss was didnt she connect the dots? Thats right, they dont have the same family name. Great they are cousins.

3bdullah and I talked, and I told him what I saw earlier.

3bdullah: Sorry Lulu bs its very clear they are hiding something minich, o that is very disrespectful to you since its your brother and your best friend. And if something is between them, and it is serious then they should have said something to you. Lulu il7ub mo 3aib aw 7aram.

Lulu: I dont know, I really dont know what to do. I am lost !

3bdullah: Listen Lulu tara I am here for you, I know what you think of me, ina ana wa7id l3eeb o 3ndy sowailf banat, bs Lulu ana I have only been with one girl, I took her up to the tent to propose bs, bs she is in love with someone else, so I let her go I cant force someone to be with me.

My phone rang, interrupting our conversation.

Lulu: Aloo? Hala zooz, im out with a colleague, ishfeek 7beeby? ee inshalah I will be home in an hour, inta idris o I will come quiz you. Mino bl bait? laish ma ri7t ma3ahum? shino ya3nee ma 5athouk? Ok ok ana yaya.

3bdullah: everything ok?

Lulu: Yes, my parents are out of the country and its my uncles yam3a tonight for dinner, o its the drivers day off and my brothers took off without him. I am really sorry 3bdullah, I should be getting home.

3bdullah: ee of course I understand.

We walked out of Starbucks heading towards our car, I did not want to leave but I had to go attend to my brother.

I got home, picked up my brother and headed over to my uncles house to find my brothers sitting there laughing.

Lulu: Can one of you please tell me why you left Marzouq home alone?

None of my brothers answered, I was furious. I was furious at 3lawi and Shosho, I was furious they left my brother and I was furious that I am slowly falling for him.

3my: luluwa, I like the new look 7beebty chnch 3rous!

5alty: alah ysma3 minik itkoun 3rous

3my and 5alty were like a second set of parents to us. They lived in Surra and we lived in Qurtoba, we had dinner every Thursday at their house, they had lunch every Saturday at our house and to my luck they too didnt have girls.

Lulu: Rdaw 3ly!

Again, none of my brothers answered me.

I stomped to the kitchen and poured me glass of lemonade.

a7mad: I take it this is not about us forgetting Marzouqo right?

The look I gave him was enough.

We had an our before dinner was ready, I walked in to the living room, grabbed 3lawi.

Lulu: We are going to the jam3ya

As soon as I got into the car.

Lulu: Are you dating Shosho?

3lawi: Yes.

Lulu: How long?

3lawi: 7 years.

Lulu: you love her?

3lawi: very much!

Lulu: so its serious?

3lawi: yes it is!

Lulu: So why haven't you done anything about it?

3lawi: She wanted to talk to you first.

Lulu: why hasn't she?

3lawi: She was worried.

Lulu: How about you tell her to talk to me, you know what how about the 3 of us go out tomorrow and discuss this?

3lawi: Inshalah, baby sis I am really sorry.

Lulu: Save it 3li, I really am not in the mood. Listen tell 3my ina I am not making it to dinner, and 3li you better not forget Marzouq this time!

3lawi: Inshalah.

I dropped him off at Surra and called him up.

Can I see you?

9

2009-02-07T01:42:00.010+03:00

3mr: Lulu ana aby agoulich shay, min youm shftich ib maktab 3ysha o ana ga3id afaker feech. Ana kalamt ahaly 3shan ekalmoun ahalich so we get to know each other, ishrayich?

Lulu: Ily tshofa 3mr.

3mr: b3d 3umry walla

Fai9al: Baby sis, honey its 6 yala goumy for work!

Lulu: It was just a dream, istagfar allah!

Fai9al: Lulwa, ga3da?

Lulu: ee ee fai9al im up, I want darabeel for breakfast.

Fai9al: laa a7mdo made pancakes o eggs

Lulu: alaaah a7mdo cooked, yalla im up im up!

I washed up and wore a purple high waisted pencil skirt with a white ruffled shirt tucked in, with extra high Grey heels. I walked into the kitchen and my brothers jaws dropped.

Fai9al just smiled, he knew why I was doing this and he gave me an approval smile.

3lawi: La la la, intay someone else ee this is my sister, kil hal jamal, bs 6ab3an ana a7la.

Lulu: a7midy please aby food im hungry. The 6 of us enjoyed our breakfast laughing and teasing each other.

Marzouq: um Lulu, you have to take me to school my teacher wants to see you.

3lawi: laish bala? ish9ayer? what did you do??

Marzouq: ma sawait shay bs I got an F ib my math exam.

3lawi: Laish F?? al7een 3ndik 2 engineers bl bait and an accountant laish ma s2lt a7ad? lo gaylina chn 7a6ainalik tutor!

Lulu: 5ala9 5ala9 3lawi, ana I will go see what the problem is!

3lawi: la intay you are going to be late for work, ana ma3ndy shay untill 10 I will take him ashouf shlsalfa!

Lulu: Marzouq you okay with 3lawi taking you?

3lawi: Ishda3wa Lulu!

Marzouq: ee I dont mind whoever takes me!

We all walked out of the house together, each heading to a different destination. 3lwai is taking 6alal and Marzouq to 7awali for school. A7mad was on his way to 3dailya, he worked for Burgan Bank, Fai9al was on his way to iljam3a and I was heading off to work.

a7mad: Lulu

Lulu: yes a7midy?

a7mad: you wanna grab lunch together?

Lulu: sure, pick me up when you get off work

This was perfect, Shosho told me I should make myself busy, go out on my lunch break instead of having lunch in the office.

I parked my car and my heart was beating like I just ran a marathon. I can not be scared I need to be confident. I walked into my floor and EVERYONE turned in my direction, they wanted to know the source of the clanking of the heals against the cold marble floor.

Lulu: Ilsalam 3laikum. Okay maybe this was a bad idea everyone is looking.

I went into my office, and closed my door.

Knock Knock

Lulu: tefa'9al!

3bdulwahab: Lulwa, I have some CV's I need you to look over, I also have your absence form for Dr.3bdullah to sign.

Lulu: Thank you 3bdulwahad, send me the CV's please.

This was perfect everything was going according to plan, I need to walk in and be a professional.

Knock Knock

3bdullah: tefa'9al

Lulu: Ilsalam 3laik Dr.3bdullah, I am sorry to bother you but I have my absence paper could you please sign it.

3bdullah: Lulu?

Lulu: ee na3am Dr.3bdullah I will just leave it on your desk, I have work to get back to, 3n ithnik

The look on his face was priceless. It was all I wanted, all I needed. My makeover worked, I was boosted with confidence. He was about to say something, but I quickly walked out before he had the chance to speak.

I went into my office and buried myself with work and before I knew it a7mad was calling me down for lunch. I walked out of my office and informed my coworkers I was heading out to lunch and to call if I was needed.

3bdullah: uggh Lulu you are heading out for lunch?

Lulu: ee walla Dr.3bdullah my brother is here to take me out.

3bdullah: Oh is it Fai9al? I should come down and say hi.

Lulu: No, its not Fai9al, 3n ithnik Dr.3bdullah o5oy na6erny.

And just like that I walked into the elevator and left him.

a7mad: Ha wain?

Lulu: I only have an hour, how about breads

a7mad: ee khoush

A7mad and I ordered our food and sat outside under the shade, it was hot but there was a light breeze.

Lulu: Is that 3lawi?

a7mad: wain?

Lulu: ehnak ga3id ma3a wa7da...oh my god its, its 3ysha!

a7mad: 3ysha your best friend? 3ysha ma '3airha?

Lulu: what are they doing together? ee thats her

a7mad: yimken they bumped into each other!

Lulu: La a7mad shaklhum they were here for a while, b3dain look at them so comfortable ma3a ba3'6!

I was confused and lost, I did not know what was going on. Was something going on between them? Is that why 3lawi never came to talk to me about anything?

I went back into the office with a heavy heart. I felt like I have been betrayed by my own best friend. By my brother!

I had to talk to her.

I had to talk to him.

I needed to know.

8

2009-02-06T22:44:00.007+03:00

I called up 3ysha before I parked my car and asked her if she was in the mood for a shopping trip the next morning, followed by complete physical pampering. She agreed. Perfect.

I emailed my coworker, informing him that I will not be coming into he office.

Marzouq and 6alal were already asleep since I did not get in until 11:30. I joined my parents in the living room for some hot milk before bed. 3lawi and a7mad just got back from the dewaniya.

3lawi: Tadroon 7myin yaby yitzawaj?

I brushed off the look my mother gave me.

Dad: Ee zain esawi, you are 28 ly mita b3d?

3lawi: b3dain inshalah.

3lawi and I were only 2 years apart, however, he never came to me for anything, unlike the rest of my brothers and I could tell my brother was hiding a lot!

I went to bed, excited about my day with Shosho. I woke up at 10, called Shosho and she informed me she went in to the office to sign some release forms and asked me to pick her up from her office.

I got up, washed up wore my favorite white floral dress, with my yellow ballerinas. I put my hair up in a pony tail, got into my car and headed over to Shosho's office.

Lulu: ana ta7at.

Shosho: come on up I want you to meet my friend

Lulu: okay.

I parked my car, and headed up to her office.

I walked in to her office, and there he was a tall drink of something yummy, and very sexy.

Shosho: 3mour this is Lulu ilX my soul mate.

3mr: Hala wala Lulu

He walked over to me to shake my hand. I could not close my jaw. He was handsome.

Lulu: Ahlain 3mr, shloonik?

Shosho: 3moury was working in Washington for 4 years, he just got back.

3mr: Before you begin embarrassing me, ana asta2thin my friend na6erny ta7at. Fur9a sa3eeda Lulu inshalah ashofich mara thanya!

Lulu: Ana as3ad. I hope sooner than later.

We got into my car and I explained everything to Shosho. I wanted a complete new wardrobe. Shosho was the perfect candidate for this mission since everything she owned was colorful, unlike me. I was plain, simple very boring and expected. I wanted a brand new closet and I did not care how many credit cards I had to max out.

We headed over to Avenues since you got the best of both worlds. We had to keep going back to the car to drop the shopping bags that quickly weighed us down. I bought dresses, skirts, tops, pants, shoes, shoes and more shoes.

We had lunch at Maki before heading over to the saloon. I chopped my hair off. It barely covered my neck, and I added layers to give it a more volume. I died my hair a dark caramel color. I had 7mam ma'3riby to scrub down my whole body, got a facial, my nails done and lastly the most relaxing 2 hour massage. I felt fresh, clean and most importantly I felt like a new person.

My trunk and my back seat were covered with shopping bags, and with the help of my younger brother, and both nannies we managed to get everything into my room. Shosho came over to set our my wardrobe for the next 2 weeks. She took care of every detail all the way down to my accessories.

a7mad: yah yah yah mino hal 7ilwa?

Lulu: Do you like it? Its not too short?

a7med: min 9ijich intay, you look great, you are glowing. Ee now you look your age mo awal you looked like a grandmother.

Fai9al: mino hal gumar?

Lulu: Okay, okay I got it you are embarrassing me. By the way where is mama and baba?

a7med: They had to go to Egypt, baba is thinking about teaching a course there for the summer fa they went to figure out the contract.

Lulu: I love how I am the last to know.

Marzouq: Lulu, can you please help me with my homework? Oh baby sis you look so pretty.

I helped Marzouq with his homework.

Marzouq: Baby sis?

Lulu: Yes 7beeby?

Marzouq: are you happy?

Lulu: haha yes sweetie I am, why are you asking?

Marzouq: I dont know I just love you, you are my sister and I want you to be happy.

I hugged my brother.

Marzouq: shftay shloun lmn oboy o omy mo bl deera il kil bl bait.

Lulu: haha you are right.

3lawi: ha 5al9taw?

Lulu: ee

a7med: Good, lets go out to dinner all of us

Fai9al: 3yal 3my are coming

a7med: ok wtha ya3nee uhma mithel i5wana, yala goumaw badlaw

We all changed, and piled into 3lawis Yukon, and we headed over to Nino's. Being around my cousins and brothers made me forget about yesterdays shameful events.

We drove around for a while, before getting some ice cream and heading back home. It was a pleasant evening, this day was perfect. I could not wait till the next morning, I wanted to strut into the office with my new look, and my new attitude.

I went to bed thinking about him.

His perfect features.

I couldnt wait to see him again.

3mr.

7

2009-02-06T06:22:00.008+03:00

I could see that they were about to leave the tent. I needed to move, I could not be seen. He could not see me, it would be the end of my career. My brain quickly started to connect the dots and I glanced over my right shoulder to find the stair case exit. I ran as far as my weak feet would allow me. I ran down 24 floors. I was running down physically while my mind ran around my body.

Such a fool to have even thought, for a split second that the tent was intended for me. FOOLISH!

I quietly opened the door to my floor, popped my head to check who was still in the office, thankfully no one was there. I walked over to my office, holding in every tear, gathered my things and rushed on down to my car. There was only one person I wanted to talk to, but I can not talk to him he would worry.

New text msg
9ooly 7beeby I need to talk to you please wainik?

1 message recieved
Bait 3my ta3ly

I arrived to Surra faster than I should, but I needed to talk to my brother. I texted him that I was outside. As he was walking over to my car, I slid into the passenger seat, I could not drive.

Fai9al: Ishfeech Lulwa?

I told him the shameful events of the day. I know he would be disappointed, but that was far from my mind.

Lulu: fai9al I am sorry, I am not proud of what I did but he has this pull on me.

Fai9al: Ok, ana baklmich as a friend first, then as a brother.

Lulu: Okay

Fai9al: As a friend, he is use to every girl throwing themselves at him. Don't do that, give him a challenge. Men love the thrill of the chase. HOWEVER, I am your brother and I love you, I want you to be happy and if this man makes you happy....Shofay Lulu it can get real complicated he is your boss, you don't want to lose your job, or have your coworkers talk about you because trust me people will talk. Nas ra7 egoleen you want a promotion, nas ra7 egoloun tabeen flousa ilnas ra7 egoleen wayed ashya2, fa just be careful baby sis.

Lulu: Okay, thank you Fai9al, I dont know what I would do without you walla!

I hugged my brother, and thanked allah for blessing me with this amazing brother, I loved all my brothers but Fai9al was closest to my heart.

I drove back home with a smile on my face.

I came to a conclusion.

It was time for change.

6

2009-02-04T23:55:00.007+03:00

I couldn't move, I couldn't hear what 3ysha was yelling into the phone. I stood there staring at him, he was holding my hand with one hand, while placing his index finger on his lip (you know the shh 7araka with your hand)

Lulu: Shosho I will call you back.

I followed him into the elevator. He hit R (roof). Where is he taking me. The elevator door opens and I see a tent. I followed him into the white tent, there were 2 oversized cushioned chairs, and a table in between. The table had cookies, cupcakes, tarts, chocolates, you name it, it was there.

He sat down, and motioned for me to sit by him. The chair would clearly not fit the both of us, yet I managed to squeeze in next to him. I did not know what got over me. It felt like I was replaced with a new person. I am not a goody-too-shoe, I have liked guys before but I was always scared and worried that I was not pretty enough, or good enough. Even when men were interested I just could not pursue anything.

3bdullah: Lulwa?

Lulu: uh Lulu please.

3bdullah: Inshalah Lulu. I brought you here to get your opinion. Do you think a girl would like this? I am bringing my girlfriend here and wanted your opinion. I really care about your opinion.

Lulu: What is he saying, I didnt hear a word he said. He is beautiful, I want his lips.

3bdullah: Lulu?

Lulu: haa, sorry sera7t, this is a very pretty place did you get this done? What is the occasion?

3bdullah: Ma sim3tay what I said? Never mind 3yal, would you like to share a cupcake?

Lulu: I couldn't speak, I just nodded not taking my eyes off of him.

We were about to enjoy the cupcake when his phone rang, it was his father asking him to come to his office. We left the rooftop and headed to our offices. I was shaky all day, I was so excited, I did not know what had just happened. Was it real? IT cant be!

We had to work late again. I did not take my eye off him, my eyes followed him, his every move, his every action, and every time I looked at him his eyes met my gaze. I couldn't think straight, I would add and re-add the numbers because I was really out of focus. I saw him heading to the elevator, and I pretended I need to visit the Ladies Room to see if he was heading to his fathers office or to the car park. The elevator stopped at R.

I freshened up in the bathroom and decided I would meet him there, to surprise him. Foolish thinking.

The elevator door opened, I did not need to go in to see he was with another girl all I heard was,

3bdullah: You are the first girl to see this tent I hope you liked it!

I had to run.

I needed to run.

But my legs wouldn't allow me, I just stood there feeling like the idiot that I am.

5

2009-02-04T22:36:00.007+03:00

Work started at 8, I hated waking up early but my relying alarm clock (a.k.a) mama never failed me.

at 6

Mom: umy, 7beebty, its 6 yalla goumy.

Lulu: uuuggggh lazem arou7?

Mom: its your job, if you want to explain to your boss.

Lulu: I should wake up inshalah yuma, aby an omlette please.

at 7

Dad: Good morning 7beebty, you look nice today.

Lulu: Thank you baba.

Dad: 6alal, Marzouq you are going to be late, tara maly khulg the school calls me again. Yala boys!

We had breakfast every morning, and when 6alal woke up on time he would join us.

Marouq: I am going to be late, 3ndina assembly today....6alooool yala goum!

Lulu: haha yala zooz honey I will drop you to school.

Dad: Lulu honey I have a suprise for you.

He was dangling a set of keys in his hand.

Lulu: What are those?

Dad: These belong to your new car that is parked outside, I got a bonus.

I couldnt believe it. I did not want a car. He didnt have to buy me a car, I already had one.

Lulu: Baba, 6alool is going to turn 18 soon, you should have kept the money to buy him a car.

Dad: Ilnas egoloun mashkour baba, intay shako ib 6alool, lat7ateen 7beebty you deserve it. Its the car you wanted.

I am a realist, when I want something it usually falls within my budget. Yes I would love to drive a Bentley GT but I dont dwell in that. I opened the door to find my black X5. I shrieked with joy, me shrieking wow!

Marzouq: Mabrook Lulu its so pretty, bs intay a7la 6ab3an yalla lets go.

I loved the smell of new cars. I was thrilled, ecstatic. I felt so good in my new car. Il7imdillah I never got into an accident so inshalah I keep my record.

I dropped Zooz off at school and headed out to work. I arrived at 8:20. I hated arriving late!

Mona: 9ba7 il5air, you look like a girl in love.

Lulu: WHAT?

Mona: I meant you look so pretty.

Lulu: Oh, eheh ee I curled my hair. Mona, my dad bought me a new car !

Mona: Ee I saw you driving into the parking lot, mabrook 7beebty tshofen khairha inshalah!

Lulu: Thank you 7beebty.

My phone was ringing it was 3ysha my best friend. We talked for a few minutes before I froze, before my heart stopped beating, before he held my hand.

4

2009-02-04T21:36:00.009+03:00

Fai9al: ishfeech baby sis, shaklich shftay ghost!

Lulu: haha la I though I saw someone from work!

Fai9al brushed off my remark, he knew it was more than someone from work. We payed the bill and headed out to the car. I was just about to get into the passenger seat, when I heard.

3bdullah: Lulwa?

Lulu: great, hala 3bdullah. Fai9al this is Dr.3bdullah ilX my boss, 3bdullah these are my brothers, this is Fai9al, 6alal and Marzouq.

He shaked their hands, and said hello

3bdullah: I am sorry to bother you I just wanted to say hi. fur9a s3eeda.

Fai9al: 7beeby walla, i7na as3ad!

We drove back home in silence, except for 6alal and Zooz's bickering in the back. We stopped at our favorite Gelatto place got some for the family and headed home.

I went up to my room, took a shower because I wanted to curl my hair. I was curling my hair when Fai9al walked in with Chai 7leeb for me and him. This meant he wanted to talk. He closed the door behind him and sat at the couch that faced me.

Fai9al: your boss looks, uh nice.

Lulu: Ee he is a great boss.

Fai9al: Baby girl, tell me.

Lulu: There is nothing to say Fai9el. His father owns the company, I am just an employee. He could get any and every girl he wanted, if not with his looks then with his money. Fa I dont fit in anywhere.

Fai9al: I hate it when you talk like that, cham mara agoulich intay mafech shay. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are amazing, strong, sweet, and you are beautiful inside and out. I look up to you in every way Lulwa, mita your gonna snap out of this world of yours and realize ina 2lf wa7id yitmanach!

I loved Fai9al, he always knew what to say to make me feel good. I was not gorgeous but I have been called pretty a few times. I was 158 cm, very curvy with straight light brown hair up to my shoulders. My hair was one length and I had side bangs, I had big brown eyes with full lips and a small nose, too small for my face. I always thought I was just an average looking girl, Kuwait is filled with flawlessly gorgeous girls. I was very normal looking compared to them.

Lulu: Thanks 7beeby!

Zooz marched in demanding I give him his goodnight kiss, and when he saw fai9al in my room, and Friends on the tv screen he made himself comfortable in my bed and before we knew it he was fast asleep. 20 minutes later 3lawi, a7mad and 6alool marched into my room, 3lawi squeezed in next to me, 6alal and a7mad sat on the floors.

I loved this.

I loved my brothers.

But I couldnt get him out of my mind!

3

2009-02-04T20:09:00.007+03:00

I hope none of my brothers see him, well they might just think its a random man following me, unless he decides he wants to speak to me. I love my brothers I really do, however, being an only girl with 5 brothers...need I say more?

3lawi: Baby sis, shloonich? 3lamich mit25ra ilyoum? oo oo 7mani shouf il vanquish

Lulu: I had to work late, Hi 7mani shlonik?

3lawi was 28 and is a teaching English ib ma37ad technalogia. The pay was good and he enjoyed his job but he just did not want to settle down. 7amni was our neighbour and 3lawi's best friend, they were attached at the hip we would call them the married couple. 7amni always had a thing for me, and to be honest I thought he would have asked my hand in marriage a long time ago, but I guess I am not the one for him. We live in a society were your family name defines who you can and cannot marry.

Dont get me wrong, I come from a middle class family. My father was an engineering professor at KU. My mom was an accountant for a major company. However, supporting 6 children can be pricey. I got everything I asked for, however, I never asked for more than they could afford.
So it was 3lwai 28, Me 26, A7mad 24, Fai9al 21, 6alal 16, and Marzouq 12.

Lulu: Hi mama, whats for lunch?

Mom: Machbous la7am mama.

Fai9al: luluty, ishrayich we go out to eat?

Even though Fai9al was 5 years younger than me, we were close. I talked to him about everything and he came to me for everything. He was in his 3rd year studying mechanical engineering. He was the good son, the one who stayed home, listened to the parents and never got into trouble.

Lulu: ee okay just us?

Fai9al: la lets take 6alool o Zooz 7aram they were studying all week.

Fai9al drove, and we headed over to Chilies, it was Marzouq's favorite restaurant, remember he is only 12. We settled into the booth and quickly started to argue about what we wanted to order.

I love my brothers to death, and I am so lucky to have an understanding brother like Fai9al. 3lawi and A7med are very over protective, but I am their only sister. My nickname in the family was baby sis. Even the younger boys called me that.

Lulu: Zooz whats wrong?

Marzouq: bagolikum shay bs dont laugh please. A girl gave me a love letter ilyoum, o I dont like her, I mean she is just a friend.

My little brother is growing up.

Fai9al: uh ok did you talk to her?

Marzouq: min 9ijik? fashla shagolaha I dont like you

6alal: La ya 7mar tell her we are friends, mino hal 9y3a ily at 12 sending love letters.

Lulu: 6alal, ma a7ib hal kalam!

6alal: sorry baby sis

We told Marzouq what to do.

You know the feeling you get when you know you are being watched? I had that feeling. I did not want to look, to make it obvious, so I slowly lifted my eyes up to meet his gaze.

It was him. What was he doing here? Did they finish?

2

2009-02-04T17:44:00.006+03:00

Lulwa: Dr 3bdullah, I am sorry to disturb you but I am going to need those signatures from you please. Mazin signed his and we are all waiting on you

3bdullah: ee tefa'6aly Lulwa, bs kan fee mistake mino wag3 3la 100 shipments?

Lulwa: Dr.3bdulmi7sen

3bdullah: aah itha il walid waga3 ma agdar agoul shay 3shan la nitma95ar bl bait hahah

He was making a joke? Was he attempting to flirt with me?

Lulwa: If that would be all, ana ast2thin

I left his office feeling like a little child that didnt understand what the grown ups were talking about. I had to focus we were doing the annual income sheets and I couldnt mess up. Why did I volunteer you ask, since I was in HR and it is not our job to to the income sheets, or the balance sheets. Simple. Their accountant was an idiot. Dr.3bdulmi7sen sent out an email asking anyone with any form of accounting background to volunteer and help them out. To be honest I don't really have a life. I enjoyed going out with friends every now and then, I just didn't like being around people, they scared me!

3bdullah: Lulwa, could you please come into my office

Lulwa: Inshalah

3bdullah: If you need to leave I understand. It is getting late o ma aby a5arich 3n baitich aw rylich.

Lulwa: I should be heading home, bs uh to bait il walid....ana mo mtzwja

was that a smile on his face? La no way!

3bdullah: 3yal yala ana b3d bmshee ashtery 3sha 7g il group mara wa7da awa9lich your car.

Lulwa: um, uhh....

3bdullah: shfeech tbal3mty?

Lulwa: la salamtik, mafeny shay bs ayeb a'3ra'6y, dgeega.

Wait, he is just being nice. He is doing his job as my boss especially since I am the only female working late. B3dain a catch like him would never look at me, would never be interested in me. I just need to brush this off.

We met at the elevator, I stayed completely silent which worked out great since he was a chatterbox. We headed over to the employee parking lot.

3bdullah: ana r7 aw9lich ilbait leana its late o fe wayed gahawy ehny o wayed shabab.

Lulwa: la walla Dr.3bdullah latkalif 3la 7alik, I will be okay trust me

3bdullah: awaln ly mita btsamny Dr.3bdullah, you know I dont like it o thanyan mino gal ib kaifich, yala rkbay o 5aleny amasheech.

I had no words to say. He truly was a gentleman, but their family men were known to be players only wanting the hottest, richest girls and I dont fall in neither category.

Lulwa: il7imdillah 3la kil 7al.

1

2009-02-04T08:02:00.004+03:00

Why would he look at me, he drives an Aston Martin Vanquish and I drive a Honda Accord okay its coupe bs still. I know everyone and anyone can buy a car these days but I have to be realistic. His father owns the company I work for, girls literally throw themselves at his feet. Why is so special about me? NOTHING. Will he ever notice me? NEVER. Should I keep trying? DEFINITELY!

He was always neat, well groomed, well dressed and simple heartbreakingly gorgeous. I work in Human Resources which means I have to refer to him every time we want to hire someone or we have problems within the company. Our offices are on his floor. Each morning I watch him gliding into his office, he owned this presence that made every man and woman just stop to welcome him. He wasn't arrogant however, he was stuck up. Or so I thought.

My life changed that day, the day we had to work late.

The day I volunteered to help him.

The day I fell in love.