March 4, 2009

fantasy part 12

Rashed was going to London for 3 months for a training job, and we had decided that once he was back we would make things official between us. I focused on my studies while Jas drooled over Mish3al, he truly was great we saw him on a daily basis and he was ever so attentive to Jas and her demands. My parents were going away for a few days, their second honey moon as they called it.

"ishrayik insawe 7afla?"


"walla jd, we have common friends lets have them over for a dinner, it wont be a party but we will have music"

My brother was right, we did have common friends, and we had never done such a thing it might actually be fun. That week we called up our friends, decided on the food and the music we were having the party on Thursday since it was a public holiday.

Incoming Call Rashody


"Hala galby, shlnoch?"

"zaina, inta shlonik?"


"ana akthar"

"7beebty intay, shbtsween hal weekend?"

"Bader, Jas and I are having a dinner for some friends, I wish you were here so I could show you off infront of my friends"

"ilayam yaya inshalah"


"5ala9 ya 3umry ana ma a6wil 3laich, bs knt aby asma3 9outich, msg me when your party is done"

"inshalah, bye 7beeby"


I was overjoyed that Rashed called me, that I managed to over look that fact that he called me from his Kuwaiti number and not his UK number.

We got ready and our guests started to slowly roll in. Samar introduced me to a girl whom apparently was in a class with me, her name was Fa6ma.

"Jema, honey this is Fa6ma, her sister works with me"

"Hala Fa6ma, shlonich?"

"il7imdillah Zaina, intay shloonich?"

"Tamam il7imdilah"

We started talking and I found out she was in my management class. Samar asked me about Rashed, and I explained to her who he was and this is what she said.

"that is so strange, he sounds exactly like my boyfriend"

I brushed off that small remark, it was mere coincidence.

It was dinner time, and Jas was playing the amazing host shmozing with the guests, and of course showing off her better accessory her fiance, Mish3al.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice announced from behind me, I knew who it was. My heart stopped.


"7beebty, I wanted to suprise you and I was glad when it didnt click with you inna I called min 5a6y ilkuwaiti"

"Oh my god, 9aa7 mastaw3bt!"

"Thats why I loved you, I missed you, everyday I was away I missed you more and more"

"Ya galby ana ily I missed you, it sucks here without you"

"We finished early, that is why I am back, and now we can make things official baina, and btkoneen 7alaly, aboosich kither ma aby"

"hahaha yal shai6an, yala baby lets eat I am hungry"

We were making our way to the buffet when we heard.


Rashody? Did I hear that correctly?

"Uh, Fa6ma, ehnee, ishtabeen? theba7tny"

"I was invited, 7imdilah 3la samtik 7beeby, what are you doing here? and why havent you called me?"

"Um, Rashed, whats going on baby?"

"Baby, sweetie he is mine....this is my boyfriend!"

"This is MY fiance"

"E7a9ulich Rashood"

"Rashed, could you please say something" Samar interuptted

"Yes I can, emshaw inrou7 foug"

We headed to the upstairs living room. Yes, I was mad, furious but I did not let him go, I needed the support because all I could think about at that point was...its happening to me again, finally I find a man he is great and now he has a girlfriend?

"Fa6oom, 2lf mara gaylich its was over a year ago, it was over 6 months ago, it was over before I left to London and guess what ITS STILL OVER, shtaben yaya bait 5a6enty jidam rabi3na, fe'9a7tena"

"Rashed, 7beeby adree you need time to think about things, and adree she is just a fling bs laish itgu9 3laiha o itgolaha ina you will marry are suppose to marry me.....please marry me"
she broke down in tears "MA AGDAR AHIDIK...A7IBIK.....WALA IN MA TIZAWJTNY 9ADGENY RA7 TINDAM....wala ma ahidha kil MAYET 3laiha bl jam3a...laish ma t5aleny a5ithik inta"

"Fa6ma I think you should leave" Samar said


"Ha, mu bkaifich yala bly 7af'6ich"

"Rashed please, just think about it....please 3la shany!"

"Fa6ma 5ala9 yuba rou7ay"

Fa6ma left but her words stayed ringing in my mind. She did not seem like she was ready to let go of him, its been a year and she still has not let go of him.

"Baby, Jema, I am so sorry 7beebty, umy intay please sam7eny wala I thought I was done with her"

"But she called you before you left to London?"

"She called o 3baly taby shay ana knt ib London already fa I told walla nothing is going on"


"Baby, Jema....lets enjoy ourselves okay?"

"Um, inzain let me freshen up shway o anzil, Samar come with me please"

We headed over to my room, before the door shut I slammed to the floor.

"I cant Samar walla I cant, astgfar allah laish kil shay e9erly? ana shsawait? wala I am a good person, laish kil il mu9ayeb it9erly ana.....I knew he was too good to be true!"

"t3withay mn iblees Jema, nothing is wrong with him, it was a misunderstanding mithel ma shfaty"

"bs you heard her, she wont leave us alone, she is in class with me she could do anything"

"Do you want me to talk to her sister?"

"a5af her sister doesnt know"

"Okay w7na shako, ana agoulaha your sister is a psycho"

"hahaha Samar!"

"Jema, hun, lata7rimena min hal ' are finally happy, you are finally at ease and comfort with yourself, and Rashed is great mama dont let him go!"


"yala gomay freshen up o come back down and enjoy your party and the food, I made chocolate cake 7g mino?"


"and the guests, bs okay 7gich"

"hahah wain Fawaz?"

"He had a dinner bs he should be on his way now"

"okay yalla emshay"

We went back down to our guests and I stood next to Rashed as he made small talk with everyone, yes I wanted to be with Rashed, yes I couldnt wait to start our lives together but something was just not right. I knew that was not the end of Fa6ma, she has been chasing him for a year, she wouldnt just give up.

I was terrified of what Sunday was going to bring.

March 3, 2009

fantasy part 11

I saw Rashed 3 times a week, sometimes more it all depended on his work schedule. We were not a mushy couple, we said "I love you" once and never again and that is not because we did not mean it, we showed it as opposed to saying it.


"Shfeek 3umry, you sound tired"

"ee walla minshili5 min ildawam 9ij ta3ban"

"a5aleek itnam"

"la ana raye7 ilshalaih, I took 3 days off fa bag3ad ehnak"

"Ya3nee mny shyftitik?

"7beebty embala aby shofich bs wala ma feny, 9ij ta3ban bacher inshalah I promise you!"

"um inzain can I pass by? I really miss you..."

"Akeed 7beebty 7yach, ana ma knt aby agolich I did not want to offend you ya galby"

"okaay ana yaya al7een"

His shalaih was around Samar's which was perfect. I know what you are all thinking, ehya she puts herself in these situations going over to men's places alone, but you need to understand I was in love, and Rashed and I were never sexual, we barely did anything other than holding hands I hadnt even kissed him yet. I parked my car and headed over to the front door, I walked in and called out for him, he notioned for me to join him outside. He had the grill on and 2 steaks on it.

"how do you like your steak?"

"Medium well please, im starving!"

"adree 7as feech"

"Aby something to drink"

"I just stocked up, yebely Pepsi ma3ach please"

"inshalah 7beeby!"

After dinner, we snuggled up into a one seater.


"la inkafy, mo ibkaifich ta3aly"

"ahahha Rashody"

"3yona, thank you for coming walla you just made my day!"

"that is what I am here for, girlfriend ib balash"

"hahaha ta3aly"

He pulled me closer to his chest, I heard his heart beats fluttering.

"Can you feel my heart?"

"Ee shfeek?"

"Its always like this when you are close"

I looked up into his eyes, he was a good man I man I could depend on, a man who could carry me through life I hated his work schedule, would I be willing to put up with it?

"Jema dont over think, ily alah katba ra7 e9eer"

" did you know?"

"I know its not easy being with me, I know what you went through and that is why I never tried anything I always kept my distance leana abech it3rfeen iny 9ij a7ibich o sharech o ma aby shay minich, kil ily aby inich itkoneen greba mny"

I tear escaped my eye.

"Dont you ever shed a tear when I am here"

I leaned in to give him a kiss, it was a long awaited passionate kiss. I kiss that left me light headed, a kiss that left me in a daze, it was the perfect kiss.

"laish your smiling"


"Amout 3la ily yisti7oun, 7uby btnamen 3ndy?"

I looked up at him, and suddenly a mixture of emotions washed over me, Khalid, Ya3goub, the beating, the pain, the never ending tears.

"Jema, baby shfeech?"

I jumped out of his arms, and grabbed my keys and rushed out I sped all the way home I was scared I needed to be home, in bed!

"Jema, shfeech?" Jas called out for me


I locked myself in the room for 2 weeks, Rashed called everyday, every hour for 2 weeks.

"Yuma Jema, aby akalmich shway"

"na3am yuma?"

"Fe wa7id yay e5a6buch"


"Rashed ilflani"

I stayed quiet.

"Yuma intay it7ebina?"

I nodded.

"A5alehum eyoun"

I looked up at her. "3dy ana akalma awal?"

"akeed yuma"

Calling Rashody
"7beebty? Jema is that you baby?"

"ee baby its me"

"3ash mn sim3 9outich I was so worried, ana ma adree ish9ar bs ana asif 7beebty"

"3shat ayamik...agdar ashofik?"

"akeed Jema wain taben?"

We decided on a destination and a time. He stood up when he saw me and walked up to me and embraced me in a heartfelt hug.

"I missed you so much!"

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Laish ya b3d galby, ana I told you ina you will never shed a tear with me!"

"I love you Rashed, and I do want to be your wife but lazem you promise me you will never hurt me please Rashed I cannot take it anymore I just want to be with you"

"I would never Jema, ana abech ana sharech lmn e5tefaitay matadren sh9ar feny yanait o kalamt ahaly 3shan ya56ibonich....ishrayich imwafga?"

"Of course Rashody!"

"Ya b3d 3umry intay 3sa raby e5alech ly inshalah"

March 2, 2009

Fantasy part 10

"JEMA!!!" Jas shrieked

"Ya 7beebty, laish il9ra5?"


"shfeekum" Bader yelled

"Mish3al wants to marry me"

"Mabrooook 7beebty, he is such a great man I am so happy for you" I really was

"Ha? uhwa yabech intay? bs intay wayed 9'3era, uhwa wayed akbar minich" Bader interogated

"Its about 10 years, its not so bad b3dain he is a great man I am not going to miss out on this"

"La, mako zawaj ana mo ra'6y b3dain ilmafrou'6 ya5ith Jema mo intay, she needs a break, she needs a good man!"

"Bader, that is not how it works he likes Jas, alah ehanehim inshalah you should be happy our baby sister is marrying a doctor"

"Sorry, Jas ma kan ga9dy 7beebty, mabrook"

I was happy, thrilled for my sister and Mish3al, but at he same time I could not help but feel jealous not because of whom she was with just because she was settled with a good man, honest, real, loving, caring and most importantly a real man. I know she can rely on him, and that he would never hurt her and to be honest that is all I cared about.

Meanwhile, Rashed and I were taking it one day at a time say the least. I know he worked for the police force and that he would never hit me, hurt me, or abuse me in any way but I wanted to be cautious my body might be able to handle it but my mind just couldnt, not anymore.

"Hala Jema, shlonich?"

"il7imdilah, inta shlonik? RASHED" he took off his hat and he had a black eye

"Ismilah 3laich, shfeech 7beebty?"

I automatically stood up and hugged him while he was sitting down, I do not know what got into me but I kissed his black eye. He looked up at me with his loving, caring deep black eyes.

"It5afeen 3ly?"

"Akeed I do, Rashed how can you ask me that"

He pulled me down into his lap, and we were locked in a mesmerizing stare, I was lifted out of my soul into another relm where it was Rashed and I alone.

"7beebty, breathe omy intay"

"I dont think I can, you have that effect on me"

"7beebty intay, Jema baby"

"Yes Rashody"


I looked down, and he placed his hand under my chin and pulled it up, our eyes interlocked.

"I will never hurt you, ana athba7 nafsy before I see you cry"




2 months later was their formal engagement party, they were to stay engaged until she finished her second year at University. Something I was looking forward to espeically since we had a few classes together.

Fantasy part 9

I was in a daze throughout the summer, I hardly left the house and as much as I needed my time alone to think, I was grateful my family, and Mish3al surrounded me.

"So James?" (my new nickname given to me by none other than the hottie doctor)

"Yes Mike?" (his new nicknames given to him by me)

"I saw its about time you headed out of your imprisonment and faced the world, shrayich?"

"Um, ily tshoufa Mish3al"

"La, ana aby ily ery7ich...itha intay mirta7a 3la hal wa'63 then by all means stay in, but sooner or later you are going to have to leave your haven and face the world"

To be frank, I was scared out of my skin from facing the world, as you have noticed I havent been so lucky with my life. I knew I was never street smart, but the whole incident with Ya3goub proved just how senseless I was. I agreed to go out with the family, I was not ready to see my friends. We headed over to Taal at Bidi3. And yes, Mish3al was with us.

"Badoory, till when is Mish3al planning on hanging out ma3ana?"

"You dont like him?"

"Mo 3n, bs I mean dont you find it awkward that he is constantly around the house and the family?"

"You dont remember? Plus I think he wants you"

"What, what happened?"

"Mo wagta al7een, agoulich lmn inrid il bait okay?"

Not my memory rellapsing...what was his story? Did he tell me his story?


"yuma alah e5alech lat5aleny bro7y ma3aha, i5theny ma3ach"

"Mish3al, ishfeek 3la Ranleen?"

"Walla kila she hits me and touches me, yuma alah e5alech wadeny ma3ach bait yady walla ma az3ijich, ma agoul wla kilma 7u6ny bl '3urfa o giflay 3lay, lat5aleny ma3aha"

Mish3al was an only son with parents that knew nothing about him, his mother's first priority was to be seen in the latest and he finest, and his father lived his own life in the diwanya. Mish3al was home alone, day in and day out with the house maids and his driver, his driver was the only male figure in his life. The parents never took him anywhere to see anyone or meet anyone. All he had was himself, his materialistic positions and his imagination, and what an imagination he had. Ranleen was the house nanny, she enjoyed beating him up every now and then, and since she knew the parents would never be as attentive as to look under his clothes for proof of her abuse she was at ease. Lately, not only has she been beating him up, she has been touching him, nothing sexual just touching him and threatening to chop off his genitals if he ever showed his parents his bruises. At age 10 his parents came home to a mute son. He just stopped talking, for 3 years Mish3al said nothing, he was a smart boy he went to school, listened to his teachers and aced everything excpet the oral part.

He never told anyone what had happened. Meeting my family and feeling at ease with them was his second chance at having a normal childhood with normal and caring parents. He never over stepped his bounderies or his stay but he made it a habbit to pass by every few days. My parents saw him as potential husband for me, little did they know he had his eye on my sister, Jas who at the time of my accident was 18.

Summer rolled in and out in a flash of an eye, and before I knew it the semester was starting. Physically all the changed about my appearance is the amount of weight I lost, a scar on my lip and one on my right cheek, other than that I looked fine. My friends were told the accident story and having the scars just proves it. As much as I was fearing being out in the world, I enjoyed my freedom away from everyone.

I had to stay late on campus one day to work on something, and by the time I was done it was already dark outside. I took out my car keys and my phone and hurried on to my car, it was a long walk and for some peculiar reason I was not at ease, I kept looking over my shoulder. I knew someone was watching me, I felt his presence. Just as I was about to shut my car door.




"Ya3goub please wa5er 3ny, you shouldnt be here"

"3yal wain? Prison?"

My heart was racing, I quickly scanned the parking lot hoping, praying someone would show up, anyone.

"9adgeny mafy a7ad '3airy, you know you really turned out to be a stupid stupid girl, ma adree shloun ahalich trust you to be alone"

"please, let me go.." I managed to say in between my tears.

I turned to my left to look at him, all I saw was his fist. He carried me out of my car and threw me in the backseat of his escalade. I woke up soar, and not from my head injury, I saw him drivig, I slowly tried to lift my head up, but everything was a blur to me.

3 hours later I woke up to find myself in a bed, in an unknown room, in the far corner a man sat there eying me.

"Ana wain? please 5alony arou7!!"

The man ran over to me and covered my mouth with his hand, I have always heard in movies that you see your life flash by you when you know you are about to die. All I saw flashing in front of me were my failurea, I wanted to die. No human deserves to go through what I have been through, I was a good person, yes maybe not as wise as others, or as smart as others and definitely not as lucky as others, all I could think about was my sister and Mish3al and how I am ready to go through all of this, to die, just so she would never feel harm in her life.

"Jema, please sm3eny, ya3goub nayem in the next room and if he hears you we wont be able to go, nod if you understand kalamy"

I slowly nodded, trying to fight back my tears.

"Ismy Rashed, Ya3goub thinks im helping him, bs il9ar7a im helping you, I am going to try and sneak you out bs you need to be extra quiet leana if he hears us intay ily ra7 taklenha, 9adgeny il wald mo 9a7y"

I just looked at Rashed, I could not help but feel at ease in his presence, his eyes were consoling, comforting, something I needed right now. Yes, I did not know him, and yes he could have been lying but right now what were my options. Him.

"Jema, fhamty ily glta?"

"Ee Rashed"

He smiled.

"Yala, ta3aly"

He took my hand, and peeped out of the door and listened for Ya3goubs snoring, he then pulled me slowly down the stairs and out of the door. We ran to his car and drove off. He kept looking at his rear view mirror, he drove a truck and we were worried the engine might have awakened Ya3goub.

"Ra7 agi6ich baitkum o barou7 3nd ilshur6a"

"They wont do anything"

"Dont worry about that, intay are you okay your clothes are covered in blood, did he touch you?"

I quickly examined my body and found some bruises and cuts, one on my head and one across my thighs.

"5ala9 3yal awadech il mustashfa, kalmay ahalich let them meet us"

I looked at him, what did he expect me to tell my parents? My messed up ex boyfriend, the one who use to drug me for sex, beat me up, raped me, dragged me to his shalaih and now his "friend" rescued me? Replaying that in my mind gave me shivers. Rashed pulled me in closer to him, and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest and fell asleep.


We needed to catch him but I didnt want an innocent girl to be the victim of his heinous acts. I called him in, and he should be arrested by now. How could he have done that to her, she looks like an angel, so delicate so fragile. Mashalah 3laiha she is strong to have put up with his abuse.

Rashed was in the maba7ith, he was one of the youngest members there and decided to work "under cover" to catch Ya3goub in the middle of his actions, and maybe catch his drug dealer, I was the victim in this, thats not what they hoped for but it had happened.

3 months later

Ya3goub was trialed and locked up, my parents were still oblivous to the truth and for once I felt at ease.

1 message received +96599******
I was wondering if you do me the honor of letting me take you out to dinner.

Sorry, who is this?

1 message received +96599******
Rashed ilX--

I would love to.

February 26, 2009


A few of my readers are confused about my story, please let me know what you would like me to clear up before moving on the next post.

I hope you are enjoying the story, none of it is real I am making it up as I go, its just a topic I always wanted to write about.

Thank you.

Fantasy part 8

"7beeby you sure about this? maf3oulha awal bwal? akeed she wont remember?"

"Bu Ya3ga, 3la '6amanty, slip the pill in her drink o she wont remember anything the next day"

"Okay, yala ashofik"

Ya3goub purchased Rohypnol: A common date rape, from his "drug dealer." He knew I was divorced, which meant that he wouldnt be taking my "future" away from her, I already lost it. As for my memory, a common side effect of the date rape is anterograde amnesia which is a loss of memory of what happens after the event that caused the amnesia, in other words it happens and I forget and this amnesia is usually drug indused. It remains a mystery to most scientist, so a doctor wouldnt know what to do.

Silly silly little girl.

I called the family doctor and asked to meet him outside the house, and after explaining to him what had happened he too did not know the cause of my temporary memory loss.
I was planning on taking summer classes so I therefore refrained from joining the yearly family vacations.

"3mich bkoun mwjoud fa itha i7tjtay shay kalmy mashy baba"

"Inshalah, yala la tit25roun"

"3ndich flous 9a7, itha nag9ich shay bs dgay 3ly 3shan a7awlich, yala 7beebty inshoufich 3la 5air inshalah"

"Alah ma3akum, bl salama inshalah"

I had the house to myself, well apart from the house maids and the house boy that is. I have been avoiding being alone with Ya3goub as much as possible since I was not quite sure of what really took place that night. He, however knew I was going to be home alone, yes it slipped out.

I had a long day bl jam3a and was exhausted especially since I still worked in the evenings three times a week. I got home had my dinner, watched some tv and at 9 decided to took a bubble bath and head to bed. I informed the maids that they too should head to bed, no sense in them staying up.

Just as I was about to step into the bath tub Ya3goub called, and I answered.


"Bl bait, I was just about to take a bubble bath"

"Can I join you?"

"I dont know baby"

"Baby please, we havet been alone since that night bl shalaih and I really miss you!"

"Um, okay then come to the side door ill leave it open"

"2 minutes o akoun 3ndich"

I waited for him by the door, and then lead him up into my bedroom. He locked the door, and undressed while I got into the bath tub.

"This feels nice"

"I told you, bs intay ma adree shfeech 3ly"

"Im sorry walla kint mash'3oula shway"

"Its okay 7beebty, listen fee this party taben inrou7?"


"ee ilyoum"

"3ndy class at 10 bacher"

"Yala 3ad 7beebty, I dont ask you for anything, do it for your fiance"

"Mita 9ert my fiance?"

"Min awal ma shftich"

"Okay, bs man 6wil please"

"Yala okay"

We stepped into the shower to rinse off the bubble bath soup, and we got ready.

"Baby, 36shan can I go get me something to drink?"

"ee fee kitchen upstairs, yebly water ma3ak please"

He handed me a glass of water, and I drank every single drop.

"Ayeblich b3d?"

"La thank you, yala?"


We headed over to his friends house, to what you would call a "couples" party, the room was dark and loud. I didnt know anyone which eased my comfort. We danced, we laughed and then I went home.

I decided to miss my morning class, and spend a few more hours in bed. I woke up at 11 headed over to my bathroom, undressed myself but before heading into the shower, something caught my eye. My wrists were all bruised up, as if I had been banging them against a brick wall, I even saw tiny blod clots.

What the hell. I heard my phone beep, a message from Ya3goub that read "Good morning my little freak, you were wild yesterday"

What did I do yesterday, and what did he mean by wild? I need to stop doing this, what is he doing to me, this cant be happening. I felt faint, disgusted with myself.....

"7imdilah 3la salmtich" A husky voice said as I slowly opened my eyes

"Ana wain"

"Bl mustashfa, ana Dr.Mish3al intay Jema 3del?"

"Inta wayed 9'3eer"

"Haha, adree tawny mt5arij"

"Jema, Jema honey what happened?"

I saw Samar and the water works came out.

"Shh, 7beebty intay dont cry, its okay you will be okay"

"Uh, ana a5alekum bs I need to know what happened" said the handsome Dr.

"Jema, what happened and if you say I dont know I am walking out of here"

"Samar, please dont leave me, I dont know I was with Ya3goub"

"What, you were with him again? What is wrong with you, shino intay jd '3abya aw you like playing the damsel in distress? Fawaz and I were on the way to the airport when we got the call from Emy (house maid) that you were in the hospital, I cant believe we missed our flight for one of your games. You desperately need some help, khalid fucked you up real bad, alah e3enich 3la nafsich"

Samar walked out of the room, and she saw her husband talking to the doctor.

"She was drugged"

"Shloun ya3nee drugged?"

"ya3nee someone put something in her drink, something that makes her unaware of her surrounding, of her actions, and whoever that person is abused her over and over again, the bruises on her body are just not you know who it might be, anything drug related we need to report and if you have a name...."

"I know who it is"

"Mino?" Fawaz asked

"I am not telling you leana adree your going to do something stupid, I will however tell the police myself"

"Samar, tell me mino"

"Fawaz, 7beeby please just let me do this"

"Samar, there is someone already here, if you would folllow me please" Samar followed Dr.Mish3al, and Fawaz walked into my room.


"Fawaz, I am sorry ma adree shino 9ar walla ma adree....."

All I saw was him raising his arm, with a murderous look in his eye. I blacked out again.

4 days later

"Jema, can you hear me?"


"Jema, its me Mish3al can you hear me?"

"Stop yelling"

"Haha, Im not actually im whispering, how are you feeling?"

"Like somone threw a boulder on my head"

"Well close enough, if we hadnt walked in on Fawaz you wouldnt be alive right now"

"I wish you let him kill me"

"Thats not for us to control, now do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Wain Samar?"

"Fawaz o Samar bara bs I dont trust them with you so I asked them to stay outside until you are up on your feet"

"please send them in I need to apologize"

"For what? you didnt do anything wrong!"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me what you remember, and I will correct the facts for you"

I told him what I new, which to be honest was not much and he filled me on the rest. I blacked out once again, this time from my own abuse.

3 days later

"Jema? Jema 7beebty are you okay?"


"Ee its me, 7imdillah 3al salama"

I was surrounded by family, no longer was in the hospital I was in my room, I looked around the room trying to find any trace of Ya3goub, nothing.

"Jema, I am so happy you are okay" Jas said in between her tears, as she jumped up to hug me.

"Not so tightly Jas, her bruises still hurt"


"Mish3al, and yes"

"Yuma, bnaity 7imdilah 3la salmitch, alah 7f'6ach, ashwa ina Dr.Mish3al li7ag 3laich wla chan 6irtay min edy"

How much did they know, what did he tell them.


"Jema, I dont think you remember much bs you were leaving iljam3a and got hit by a car and il7imdillah wagt-ha and kint mawjoud"

He lied for me?

"Ee, ee I remember thank you!"

"Doing my job"

All I could hear was the loud murmur of my family, then Samar walked in she looked terrible, as soon as she saw me awake she ran over to me and hugged me.

"Sam7eny walla im so sorry for everything I said 7beebty please forgive me"

"Wain Fawaz?"

"He..he..he cant face you yet, he is ashamed of himself, he almost killed you and....just give him time...tara no one knows"

"Thank you, call Fawaz I want to talk to him"

I talked to my cousin, and asked him to come because I wanted to apologize to him in person. Mish3al seemed at ease with my family, making jokings, playing cards, and glancing over at me every now and then.

Fantasy part 7

"I..I..ive been divorced for over 6 months, I dont need the pill" I manged to mumble

"Okay, okay shofay Fawaz is not here so you take mine, o ana I will go to my doctor on Sunday for more okay?"


"Shfeech your shaking, emshay lets get you into a hot shower"

She lead me to the master bathroom, and undressed me. I was shaking, I could not look straight.



"Why are you covered in bruises?"

"Ma adeee"

I looked down at my body to find multiple bruises dispersed all over.

"What happened Jema? Ishsawa feech?"

"I..I..i dont remember, all I know is he forced himself on me...I think...I dont know... I dont remember" in tears

"Okay 7beebty, wash up and I will bring you some fresh clean clothes and some mint teat"

I scrubbed my body once, twice, three times. I could not get him off my skin, but at the same time I wanted his smell on my body, I needed to know what happened last night, everything is a blur to me. I stepped out of the steamy shower put on the purple robe laid out for me and headed over to the bed. I wanted to sleep.

Ya3gouby Calling


"ilnas egoloun 9ba7 il5air, 7beebty wain in7ishtay I woke up o you were gone"

"Ya3goub what do you want from me, 5ala9 leave me alone"

"Shfeech Jema, baby where is this coming from?"


"Hahhaha, tita3bi6ain 9a7? nisaitay what happened ams?"

"what happened?"

"you asked me to, you told me you were divorced and we went to bed and we were cuddling, o faj2ah you told me o s2altch akeed o you said ee b3dain you know"

"dont lie, ya3goub please dont lie"

"Haa, shako I lie Jemo I would never force you to do anything you dont want baby I love you, and I want to marry you"

"men never marry their girlfriends especially if he slept with her"

"ana shako feehum intay 7beebty o 3mury o ana abeech"

"I need to be alone"

"3la ra7tich, im here for you"

what was happening to me..i really do not recall what happened yesterday, everything is fuzzy to me...what really happened....why cant i he lying to he being honest.....who should I believe....did I really initiate it?

"Jema, 7beebty we are having lunch come join us"


"The girls dont know"

"Thank you"

I got up and headed back into the bathroom to get ready, thankfully there were no bruised on my face just on my torse and upper thighs and upper arms. I looked at my reflection trying to unwind yesterdays events, then it hit me like a meteor.

"ana a7ibich" he said

"yala baby lets go to bed" I answered

I headed into the bathroom to slip into my night gown, I brushed my teeth and lathered up in my vanilla scented body lotion. I then slid into bed with him where we cuddled and kissed.

"I want to sleep next to you forever"

"You want to sleep next to me, not with me?"

"That comes later 7beebty"

"You dont want it now? Ma tebeny?"

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

That is as far as I remember...what did I do? what does he think...I bet he thinks I do this with every man...why cant I something wrong with me?...I need to go to the doctor...but first.

Dialling Ya3gouby

"Hala 7beebty"

"were we safe?"


"ams, were we safe when..."

"Ugh if your asking me itha I wore a condom I didnt, but I was careful"


"Jema shfeech?"

"Later not now, bye"

Something is wrong with me, I can feel it. I noticed my memory has not been on full throttle lately but I blamed it on school work, but for me to blank out of something major like that.

What is wrong with me?

February 25, 2009

Fantasy part 6

Silly silly little girl.

I got dressed into my night gown, brushed my teeth, applied my vanilla scented lotion and slid into bed with him. We snuggled at first, sneaking in a kiss here and there. The snuggling become more intense, and the kisses were no longer loving, they were full of lust.

"Abeech, min awal youm shftich wna mishtehech"

"Ya3goub, what do you think you are doing"

"I want you so bad, shofay"

"Ya3goub please la, maby" I managed to say in between my tears.

Silly, silly little girl.

He forced himself on me, he enjoyed himself while I cried.

"Aaah, di5t"

I gave him my back and continued crying. Why did I tell him when we were alone, of course he thought I was asking for it. This is all my fault, 9a7 kalam Khalid ana '3beya, sa5eefa, mo fahma o ma7ad yabeny. I am going to be a whore, once I tell men im divorced they are going to expect me to open my legs wide for them.

I waited for him to fall asleep, and snuck out of his shalaih, I got dressed and headed back to Samars.



"What did he do?? Please tell me he didnt, Jema please 7beebty"

"He did, Samar he did"

"Please tell me you were safe? you are on the pill right?"

Silly, silly naive little girl.

Fantasy part 5

The next few days with Ya3goub were pleasurably pleasant. We flirted, we talked, we flirted and we talked. After prolonged months of Ya3goub and I spending every minute together, I saw him.

My ex husband.


I was meeting friends from university at Nino's, we had just finished finals and wanted to celebrate, and what other way to celebrate then indulge in fine cuisine. I was heading over to the restroom when I saw him sitting alone. He looked much older, with grey hairs and a shaggy beard and a beer belly. I just had to flaunt my new self.



"Ee, shlonik?"

"B5air il7imdillah, intay shlonich? sha5barich, 3ash min shafich" His face lit up.

"3ashat ayamik, ana tamam il7imdillah tawny im5al9a awal course ly bl jam3a"

"Mashalah zain itsaween"

"uggh, khaloody?" A strange woman's voice interupting our speech

"Uh, Jema murty Fa6ma, Fa6ma this is Jema"

"Intay Jema" in an angered voice

"ee, um anyways Khalid it was good seeing you, Fa6ma it was nice meeting you...m3a ilsalama"

I walked away alleviated, delighted I was finally in charge of the situation, my life and my confidence. I turned around to give him a quick glance, and I saw him sitting there tormented by what he just saw.

Ya3gouby Calling

"7beeeeeeeeeeeeeby, wainik, 5a6ry ashoufik"

"Yala 7yaach"


"Bl shalaih"

"hmmm, okaaay Samar is having a girls weekend there so this works out perfectly"

"Cant wait to see you 7beebty"

"Bye galby, call me when you are on your way"

Ya3goub still did not know I was married, I opted to tell him. This weekend would be the perfect time. I just hope he does not misinterpret my little confession.

That night at Ya3goubs


"7yatie intay, you comfy"

He was tall, big and very built, I literally could loose myself in his arms.

"Of course, ga3da 7beeby lazem agoulik shay bs mo 3rfa shloun abdy, its something big about me and I was scared to tell you"

"Jema, baby tell me"

"I was married, it was an arranged marriage and at first it was fine but then it could too much for me to handle, it was horrible he took so much of me I never thought I would be happy again and then I met you.....and I cant stop smiling"

"Laish kintay 5yfa you tell me?"

"Ma adree, 7sait you would run away since im a divorcee"

"I dont care about your past, I care about your future and my future, unless you dont want me in it?"

I turned around to face him "OF COURSE, abeek in my future, your not upset with me?"

"Ana a7ibich, yala baby lets go to bed"

Silly foolish girl that never learnt her lesson.

February 24, 2009

fantasy part 4

The first few months were blissful, I got what every 19 year old girl wanted, a man who loved and spoiled her, a new car and freedom. He took me out everywhere, we did everything together. Plus we barely kept our hands off each other.

The next few months were mournful, we fought on a daily basis, he barged in claiming I was uninteresting, boring, and ugly then a few minutes later he would be kissing my hands apologizing for his harsh words. He sometimes made me sleep in the other room, he always forced me to do things against my will, but he always told me he loved me.

Foolish little girl I was. I thought every marriage was like this, who am I to break the chain.

"Intay mynouna, mino esawi chithi?" Samar scolded me

"Ishdarany, uhwa rayly fa 3dee" I answered innocently

"7beebty its not 3dy, you need to talk to him"

The first major fight we had, the one where I chose to stand up and leave was when he strolled into the house tipsy with a bottle in one hand and a girl on the other

"intay mino" He managed to blurt out to me

"Hathy mino?"

"Oh, Jemo, 3baly hathy intay...intay mino" he asked the tramp on his arm

"Your fantasy"

"dm inha mwjouda ishrayich Jemo?"

"Ana barou7 bait ahaly"

"abrak-ha min sa3a, bly mayrdich inshalah"

"emshay fantasy nstanas shway"

Yes, he brought a tramp into our house, into my bed. I was forced to go back to him and apologize for rebelling as his wife. A good wife listens to her husbands and burrys his secrets.

You can only imagine how things went from that day. He constantly wanted to explore things, and explore other people, while I sat in the guest room, listening to my husband being pleased by another. I refused to touch him, or have him touch me, and thats when he started to force himself on me. He would wake up in the morning with a disgusted look, ashamed by what he had done to me, and I just stayed in bed for days.

A year after we were married, I got pregnant. I cried, and cried, and cried. 3 days later I had a misscarriage. I cried, and cried, and cried.

Yes I am only 21 years old, but I have seen a lifetime of pain and mysery. I have been to the ultimate low and back up. I have experienced it all and all I had were my fantasies of falling in love the right way, where it didnt hurt or hurt me back.

I enrolled at Kuwait University, applied as a teller at my brothers bank and joined a gym. I first shed off all the excess weight on my body, then toned up. Next I added many layers into my hair giving it volume, and then I dyed it. I could not change what had happened to me emotionally, but there was no harm in changing my physical appearance.

It worked.

I was the it girl on campus.

I went to sell my car, the car he bought me. I wanted something new and flashy, and as a form of apology my father offered to buy me whatever car I wanted. I knew what I wanted. I left the dealership with a new car, and an admiror.


We were both eying the same beauty, and it was the last one in stock, one of us would have to wait a month for the new shipment.

"Ishrayich a5alech ta5then il syara itha you meet me for coffee"

I wanted the car.

"name the place and time and I will be there"

"Give me your number"

"name the place and time, and I promise I will be there"

"starbucks palms, tomorrow at 3"

"I will see you there"

He walked away while I signed the papers, and paid for my new baby.

Starbucks Palms

"You came"

"I promised"

"What would you like?"

"I think I am capable of ordering my own drink thank you"

I did not give him a chance to respond, I got up and ordered my drink and a chocolate chip cookie.

"So, what do they call you?"

"A girl or a woman"

"Got jokes? I mean your name"


"A precious jewel"

"If you say so"

"So tell me about yourself, Jema"

"How about this, since you asked to see me you tell me about yourself, and if I like what I hear I will ask to see you, where I will tell you about myself"


I was already interested.

Fantasy part 3

3 years ago

"Yala banat ily jahiz minken yanzil ilqa3a, lat5aloun Hind bro7a ta7at"

"Inshalah mama, ana jahza, anzil an6er ma3a 5alty Hind"

I was 18, my senior year in high school and it was my cousin Samar's wedding, she was the first grandchild to get married and you could only imagine the joy and hype that over ran us. 5alty Hind, her mother, who was 3my's wife was already downstairs making sure everything was perfect. I threw my shall over my Cavalli dress and made my down the hallway, into the elevator and into the wedding ballroom.

"Mashalah 7beebty Jema you loook beautiful, yala inshalah ilfal lich"

"Mashkoura 5alty"

Samar was 18, like I was, she however was in her first year of university and was marrying the man of her dream whom happened to be wild 5alty, o ehya t9er bnt 3my, I was thrilled that I was related to both the bride and groom it only made the wedding more exciting for me. Samar and I constantly discussed our wedding night, our gowns and our husbands, she found her prince charming, while I had to be patient.

The wedding was well on its way, everyone was happy, the music was perfect, and most importantly I felt exqusite, feeling confident in my dress with my make up and hair do. My cousins and I were in the middle of song dancing away when an older lady tugged on my arm.

"7beebty, sht9eren 7g il3rous?"

"Samar bnt 3my o Fawaz wild 5alty"

"Mashalah, shino ismich?"


"3shat ilasamy, intay bl jam3a ma3a Samar?"

"La 5alty, ana lail7een bl thanawya inshalah bt5araj hal sina"

"Alah ewafgich 7beebty, yala il fal lich inshalah"

"Tslmeen 5alty"

Maysa, my cousin, gave me a quizical look "Shtaby?"

"ma adree she had a bunch of questions to ask"

"ooo I hear wedding bells"

Could she be right? No, she was just quiching her curiousness.

I sat in the main ballroom while the guests made their way to the buffet

5alty Hind was waving her arm at me "Jema"

"Na3am 5alty?"

"7beebty, 7assan beyey al7een bs 6l3ela bara o i5thay mina ilbu5our"

"Inshalah 5alty"

I tracked down my shall, couldnt find it so I wore Maysa's black blazor and headed to the front door.

"Jema, 7beebty, hatha wlday Khalid" the curious lady introduced me to her son.


I smiled, excused myself and walked over to 7assan who was Samar's older brother, I took the bu5our from him and glanced over to the stranger Khalid, he was watching me, I smiled and made my way back to the wedding ballroom.

2 months later

"Mama, I have some good news"

I was lazing by the pool trying to work on my tan.


"5air ib wayhich, fe nas dagen ya56ibonich, ishrayich?"

"Ily tshofena yuma, if you think he is a good man then I dont mind"

"7beebty, he uhwa 5oush wa7id ana a3arif uma t9er rfejat 5altich Hind"

"Okay yume, bs yadroun ana lail7en ma t5arajt?"

"ee ilwalad ra7 yt3araf 3laich 3la ma it5al9een min ilthanwya b3dain itha alah kitab ekoun il3rs, isma Khalid ilflani"

Khalid and I took an interest in each other instantly. We spent 6 months engaged where we got to know each other, and a week after my graduation was my milcha and at the end of the summer was the wedding.

I was married and happily in love with my prince charming.

Or so I thought.

Fantasy part 2

"Hath shfee raylich, kil shahar radich lna tara ilzawaj mo l3b, intay shsawaitay, akeed minich, intay soosa, 9ij bilsha ana al7een ishbasawi shfeech? la shahada, la wa'6eefa, istagfar allah"

"Mama 7beebty oboch m39ib shway malich shu'3ul feeh, bacher inshalah ikalim Khalid 3shan eridich"

Yes, this was what I heard everytime I came home. It somehow always managed to be my fault, I never said anything what would I say.

"Thelfay darich ma aby ashof rig3at wayhich fahma"

"inshalah yuba"

knock knock

"Jema, you okay?"

"Ee Yas, I will be"

"I hope they dont force you to go there, I wish you would stay here with me"

"I hope so to Jas, lets go to bed" I hugged my baby sister and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to Khalids hollering.

"Ana ma abeeha, 5ala9 6ab 5a6ry ma ni9la7 7g ba3a'6 ya 3my 7aram ta'6lmha ehy bntik"

"ishbasawy feeha, 6y7a ib chabdy Khalood e5ith-ha ma3ak o ana adfa3lik, 5alha trou7 iljam3a, ily taby bs lat5aleha 3ndy"

"Bu Bader my9eer itgoul 3n bntik chithi, 7aram 3aik, 5ala9 5alha ma3ana"

"La illah ilah allah, mashy mashy, bs ana maly shu'3ul feeha, intay mas2oula 3nha"

Knock Knock

"Yuma, Jema ga3da?" tears slowly dripping down my cheeks

"ee yuma"

"7beebty lat9y7een yuma lat3wren galby"

"Shloun mataby a9ee7 o ana tawny sam3a oboy egoul ma yabeny, laish ma yabeny ana shsawait, alah ma kitab bainy o bain 5alid"

"Adree yuma, adree 7beebty oboch kber bl 3mr o uhma 3ndihum wa7da mi6alaga shay kbeer, wala mo ga9da yuma, ms7eha ib waihy"

"Yuma aby asajil bljam3a, o aby adawerly wa'9efa"

"Inshalah 7beebty, ana akalm oboch edawerlich shay"

Bader walked in

"Ha Jemo, ilbait imnawr ib wjodich 7beebty, ashwa inich radaitay"

"thanks badoor, aby asajil bl jam3a, shrayik?"

"5oush, we need tellers 7g dawam il39er if you are interested"

"Ee please"

Oboy walked in

"6l3aw aby akalim Jema"


"Jema, 7beebty sam7eny, adre il kalam ily gilta ism ilbdn o ma adree min wain 6il3 ilkalam yuba sam7eny"

"Yuba walla ana asfa, ma adre sh9ar, wala ma sawait shay o 7awalt ma3a akther min mara bs alah ma kitab"

"Adre yuba, adree, yala bnaity radatly!"

Fantasy part 1

Khalid: thelfay, a9alan ana ibtilasht feech blsha, mino '3airy yabeech, by5a, o di3la, o sa5efa, jaikara o mteena, mat3arfeen itsolfeen? mat7seen? Tadreen shloun intay 6alag bl thalth bly my7af'6ich BARA!

I walked out of my husbands house and headed towards my parents. This happened every few months since we got married. We were not compatable, we both knew it, it was an arranged marriage and I guess he liked what my parents had to offer, and what their name stood for.

Here I am a 21 year old girl and divorced. Dont get me wrong, I was not heavy, I might not have been a perfect 10, but I had a an okay body. I had long light brown hair, and matching eyes. I didnt go to school I got married right after high school.

Here is how it all started...

February 23, 2009

Thank you

Thank you for your kind words, it meant a lot coming from my readers. I wont be posting anything new, but I will however be keeping my blog.

Feel free to ask anything, or if you would like to discuss anything at all I dont mind.

Thank you once again.

February 20, 2009

The End

3bdullah: 7beebty?

Lulu: 7yatiee inta shh, dont speak please lets just sit here, together.

3bdullah: Inshalah 7beebty.

We stayed there.

I stayed there holding the love of my life, the man that completed me, in my arm, while he was lifeless.

I just held him. I was all cried out. I was beyond numb. My nerves were shattered.

I sat there for 3 hours before Fai9al walked in.

He looked at me, then down at 3bdullah. He pulled out his phone and called for the right arrangements.

Everything was black. All I heard were sirens. All I felt was his lips.

3bdullah: a7bich, amout feech, please dont leave me 7beebty please wala I need you, I will die without you!

Lulu: I am not going anywhere, I promise you, I will stay by your side. I want to be your wife, I want to be the mother of your child.

3bdullah: One day, inshalah one day we will be together. 7beebty promise me something, promise me one thing

Lulu: Anything

3bdullah: Dont forget me, please dont forget me.

Lulu: 3BDULLAH, 3BDULLAH, 3BOOOOODY.....7beeby

Mama: smilah 3laich 7beebty, mama 5ala9 its been a year lain mita wntay 3la hal illah ilah allah!

I felt my mothers tears, I felt her pain. That was the only thing I felt. The only thing I would feel for 2 years.

It took me 2 years to get back into the world.

2 years to see people.

2 years to talk.

It took me 4 years to talk about him to all of you.

It will take a lifetime before I could forget him.

I meet his parents every Monday for lunch.

His clothes are still in my closet.

His smile is still in my every dream.

He bought me a land next to his parents, he bought me a house next to my parents, he left me his shalaih, he left me his will.

Even though it seems like he left me everything to help me get over him, I am still missing the most important thing.


My baby, my 3bdullah.

He changed my life. I became alive when I was with him, even through the hard times I knew what my purpose was in life.

Now I am lost, walking around like a lifeless human. I lost my purpose.

I find myself locked up in my bedroom every night having conversations with him in my head. I sleep in his clothes, I drive his car, I sleep in his bed.

If I could spend one more day with him it would be the day I would marry him, or the day I find out I am pregnant with his baby. Actually, I wont be that selfish I just one more day in his arms.

I opened my heart.

I loved.

And I lost.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.

This is been the hardest thing I have done in my life, harder than loosing him.

If you could take one thing out of this, please dont be afraid to fall in love, dont be afraid to open your heart life is too short. Being afraid will get you no where, take chances and embrace life.

Please, live for me. I dont have it in me to smile, or to be happy.

So please do it for me.

Love Hurts,

but time heals all.



Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tefa'6al

Lulu: Ilsalam Dr.3bdulmi7sen, you wanted to see me?

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Ee Lulwa tefa'6ilay

Lulu: Dam fa'6lik.

Dr.3bdulmi7se: I am sure you noticed my son has not been to work for 3 months now, and I am sure you know why.

Lulu: Dr.3bulmi7sen..

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Lulu, let me finish please. My son has been hung up on you for almost a year now, he has been depressed for more than 6 months, la yakel, la yshrib, laynam, ga3id blshaliah myshouf a7ad, wla yaby ekalim a7ad. O lmn arou7 akalma he only talks about you. O we have talked to your mother, and you father and we all dont know why you wont just say yes.
Shino il 7l?

Lulu: I dont know what to say.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Tell me the truth what is this about?

Lulu: I am scared.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Of what yuba?

Lulu: Ma adree, I dont think I am the right girl for him. He has been all around the world, he has see so many things and me, my life revolves around my family.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: Okay and?

Lulu: I dont know.

Dr.3bdulmi7sen: How about you go see him and talk about things?

Lulu: okay.

Dialing 3bdullah

3bdullah: Lulu? Is it really you? 7beebty?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, ee baby it is me

3bdullah: 7beebty, 7yatie wainich? wainich 3ny? laish hadaiteny? Mny gader a3esh min '3airich.

Lulu: 3bdullah please, you are breaking my heart. Can I come see you?

3bdullah: Ee 7beebty.

I parked my car in front of the shalaih. He was already standing outside waiting for me. He looked weary, broken down so frail. It broke my heart.

He pulled me into his arm, hugging me so tightly I felt my bones crushing.

3bdullah: A7ibich

Lulu: Amout feek

He lead me inside the shalaih, sat me down on the couch and placed his head on my lap.

He fell asleep.

I cried, for hours. I sat there crying while the love of my life slept peacefully on my lap.

He never woke up.


The next few months were simply unyielding. I did not accept any of his calls, I did not reply to any of his messages and at work I kept it professional.

He looked devastating, simple heart breaking. I wanted to rush over to him and hug him. I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything is going to be okay.

This went on for 4 months, and his mother called every week for 4 months. Sure, you are thinking if his mother called why did I not give in? Well, after every phone she made it clear that this is what her son wanted, and not what they wanted.

I felt like a robot. My life had fallen into a routine. Work, home, sleep..... That was my life.

No social life.

On the 4th month.

Shosho: Lulu, babe can I borrow your black heels, Mine don't look good with my dress.

Lulu: Sure.

Shosho: Thanks 7beebty.

Lulu: You look nice, where you off to?

Shosho: Oh, umm, 3mr's engagement party.

I was staring aimlessly at the television, flipping through the channels not looking for anything specific, I just needed to waste time.

I froze, and turned my attention away from the television.

Lulu: He got engaged?

Shosho: Ee, to a girl I work with. I recommended her and they hit it off.

Lulu: How long have the known each other?

Shosho: More than 9 months ago I think.

6 months, so he was with her while he was pursing me? Did he do all of that to destroy what 3bdullah and I had. And her, she kept talking to me about him. What happened to her? What changed her into this evil person.

I hate her.

I really do.

Lulu: Alah ehaneehum!

Shosho: Ee, il fal lich inshalah!

Lulu: ahaa.

3lawi: Shosho, 7beebty yalla mama we dont want to be late!

Great, now my brother is friends with him.

1 new message


1 new message
I need you

Me more

1 new message
Marry me

I cant

1 new message
Laish? Please explain to me please...

I just cant!

1 new message
Okay, Lulu I am done.
I am done hurting.
I am done crying, I am done chasing you!

Okay 3bdullah!

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: yeah

3bdullah: Bs chithi okay?

Lulu: What do you want me to say?

3bdullah: That you love me, that you want me in your life please baby please Luluty dont do this to me, dont do this to us please honey....

Lulu: 3bdullah

3bdullah: galba, 3youny, 3umry kila intay please Lulu I need you!

Lulu: bye 3bdullah.

Love really hurts.

February 19, 2009


I needed an escape route. This was all too much for me to fathom. My brothers needed me, my parents were relying on me, my aunt depended me, 3bdullah loved me and 3mr wanted me. Where is my knight? I needed someone, anyone.

3bdullah showed up bright and early the next morning bringing a large assortment of foods for breakfast. My uncle had woken up and has been transferred to a bigger room.

My cousins, my brothers, their wives, 3bdullah and myself enjoyed breakfast together, laughing and sharing stories.

I knew what everyone was thinking, I was thinking it myself. He fit right in with the family, as if we had known him for decades.

The next few days were spent like that. We would rush off to work for a few hours, and rendezvous back at the hospital. The doctor discharged my uncle, and we were all thrilled.

3my: Lulu 7beebty mala da3y ingoul 7g ilwalid, a5af e7aty

Lulu: 3la ra7tik 3my.

3my: 9a7 kalamy 3bdullah?

3bdullah: Ee 3my ana rayey min rayik.

The gatherings were relocated to my uncles house. I never kept my phone around me afraid 3mr might send me something that might upset my mood.

We headed home that night, and the boys came into my room for the usual; Chai 7leeb and friends.

I sat on the couch next to Fai9al and he moved closer to me.

Fai9al: Lulu.

Lulu: Yes.

Fai9al: 3bdullah talked to us.

Lulu: regarding?

Fai9al: Tista3bi6ain, you!

Lulu: What about me?

Fai9al: Lulu, I know you are not slow fa drop this act ok.

Lulu: I don't want him.

Fai9al: How come?

Lulu: His parents will never accept of me.

Fai9al: ilrayal kalamna, what does that mean?

Lulu: It means ina uhwa ra7 yogaf '6d ahala for me, and I won't allow it.

Fai9al: Lulu...

Lulu: Fai9al please, just don't okay.

I was upset. I loved him but there was no way I was going to let him lose his family over me. I could never live with myself. I did not want my children growing up only knowing my side of the family.

5 am

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: aloo?

3bdullah: 9ba7 il5air 7beebty

Lulu: Its still early

3bdullah: Adree, yala gomay aby awadech mukan

Lulu: I am sorry I cant.

3bdullah: Lulu, 7beebty we have not been alone since the day of bl shalaih, a5er mara kalamtich was yomha, please baby I miss you.

Lulu:I am sorry I don't think this is appropriate, goodbye 3bdullah.

I was the one breaking my own heart. But this was for the best. Being in love should be blissful, I should have no worries, no cares because I am with the man I love.

I no longer felt this way. I was in so much pain, and I just cannot handle it. I cannot handle him.

Love hurts


Please don't do this, not today.

I walked into the house, hoping I would not see any of my brothers. Just as I was about to get into my room.

Marzouq: baby sis?

Lulu: Yes honey?

Marzouq: Wainch ilyoum?

Lulu: I had to work late

Marzouq: you look exhausted

Lulu: I feel exhausted

We both looked at each other, he did not look so well himself.

Lulu: Zooz, can I sleep here with you? I dont want to sleep alone.

Marzouq: Ee please, I dont want to be alone.

Lulu: Okay 7yatie let me shower and change and join you.

I took a long shower and got into my PJ's and headed over to Marzouq's bedroom. I found Fai9al laying on the couch, and 6alal was on the other side of the bed.

It was such a gloomy day for us all.

Lulu: Ishfeekum?

Fai9al: Um, Lulu, have a seat

Lulu: ish9ayer Fai9al, you are scaring me.

Fai9al: 3my bl mustashfa, he had a heart attack and they had to operate since an artery was blocked.

Lulu: Why are we here?

Fai9al: Visiting time is over, Oboy ma yadry ra7 ingoula lmn egoum bl salama inshalah

Lulu: Ameen inshalah, lets get some sleep.

I snuggled into bed, in between 6alal and Marzouq. Marzouq came close to me and I hugged him, and 6alal hugged me.

I had to be strong for my brothers, they needed me to be strong.

We woke up early the next morning, we were all feeling on edge we did not want to discuss the matter at hand.

A7mad: 9ba7 il5air, yala meshaina

Mona: Lulu honey you dont look so good are you ok?

Lulu: It is okay honey, aham shay 3my mo muhim ana!

Fai9al: You dont look so good

Lulu: Aren't we heading to a hospital?

Fai9al: Okay then, mental note avoid Lulu

Marzouq walked over to me and placed his arm around my waist. We piled into the cars and headed over to the hospital.

We walked down the long fluorescent hallway and up the elevator. I saw 5alty sitting outside, I walked over to her and hugged her.

Lulu: myshouf shar inshalah

5alty: Il shar myeech

Mona: 5alty il doctor ma gal shay?

5alty: embla he did, gal il7imdilah il3malya went okay but they are waiting for him to recover now, ilshabab da5el 3ndihum.

My brothers headed inside to be with my couins' during these hard times.

Mona and I stayed outside with 5alty.

3bdullah: Um Lulwa?

It cant be him. What is he doing here?

Lulu: Hala 3bdullah, 5alty 3bdullah ilX moderna bl dawam

3bdullah: Ilsalam 3laikum 5alty, 5a6akum ilsue inshalah

5alty: 5a6ak il lash ya wlaidy!

3bdullah: Mona, a7mad mawjoud?

Mona: Ee la7'6a anady

I stood there staring at him, what did he want with me.

A7mad: Hala 3bdullah, shlonik?

3bdullah: Ib 5air il7imdillah, shftkum da5leen ilmustashfa fa s2alt o 36ony 5abar ina 3mik, myshouf shar inshalah

A7mad: ilshar myeek 7beeby tislam!

3bdullah: ana ast2then 3yal

5alty: La yuma, ma '6yfnak, Lulu yuma yebay il7lw, o Mona ilgahwa ehnak

Lulu: Tefa'6al 3bdullah

3bdullah: Dam fa'6lich Lulwa.

My aunt and my brother entertained 3dbullah. It took my aunt exactly 15 minutes to hit it off with 3bdullah. Before I knew it she had asked him to pass by the next day.

At 9 we headed back home. This time the boys slept in my room.

1 new message

Not today please

1 new message
I talked to my parents.


3bdullah: ya 3my ilnas edigoun, e6igoun il bab egoloun shay mo bs edar3moun!

I pushed my face deep into 3bdullah's chest. I was flushed, ruddy, burning. I could not look at him, I needed to go.

3bdullah sensed my discomfort and was trying to ditch 3mr.

3mr: Ana ib rayey il ga3d itsawe '3ala9

3bdullah: ana ma s2altik ya 3my

3mr: Lulu, did he hurt you?

3bdullah: 3MR, malik shu'3ul feeha, wa5er 3n il 6reej

3mr: LULWA, 6al3eny

3bdullah held me tighter. I looked up at him, I was sorrowing.

3bdullah: 7beebty lat7ateen nothing will happen to you.

Lulu: 3mr, what do you want?

3mr: ana abeech intay bs mo ib hal 6arga ana aby zawaj mo li3ib.


3mr: haha ok ok, ana mashy, Lulu akalmich b3dain 7beebty.

Lulu: 3bdullah please take me home, please dont leave me, ma aby akoun bro7y please 7beeby

3bdullah: Wa5ray 3ny

Lulu: 3bdullah, whats wrong?


Lulu: what...what are you saying?

3bdullah: ana ma abeech!

Lulu: But, but I love you!

3bdullah: o wain a9refha?

Lulu: You are just upset, I dont blame you. We will talk about this later.

3bdullah: Ro7ay Lulwa, please baby just go!

I walked out of his shalaih appalled, astounded and aching from the inside.

3bdullah, my 3bdullah, the love of my love just left me like that.

I got into my car, and hurried back home. I was just staring out onto the street not paying attention to anything or anyone.

Apparently 3bdullah had followed me home to make sure I arrived safely.

1 new message
I am sorry, for everything.

I looked at my phone.

Its okay

1 new message

Are you my boyfriend?

1 new message
Always and forever

What happened a few minutes ago

1 new message

O ana ishthanby?

1 new message
7beebty ana asif


1 new message
Will you marry me?

February 18, 2009


3mr's messages continued coming at random moments. He felt it was necessary to remind me about 3bdullah's parents and how they would never accept me as a wife for their son.

At moments, things became awkward between me and 3bdullah, and I decided the best way to avoid a full blown out argument, I decided to declineon the Dubai trip.

1 new message


1 new message
We need to talk

Incoming call 3bdullah

Lulu: Hello

3bdullah: Are you leaving me?

Lulu: ahaha dont be silly, I just want to talk to you.

3bdullah: 5ara3teny

Lulu: Sorry, um when can I see you?

3bdullah: Ana bl shalaiah, I dont know if you want to come?

Lulu: Will there be anyone there?

3bdullah: La bs ana I needed time away min ahly

Lulu: I will call you when I am closer for directions.

1 new message
Mona, I need you

I got your back 7beebty

1 new message
Thank you ;*

I wore skinny dark jeans, with a white t-shirt and a yellow cardigan.

An hour later I arrived to his shalaih. I should have been afraid, there was no way of explaining this to anyone if I were to be seen. I was greeted at the door by 3bullah. He was wearing brown trunks and a white t-shirt.

I had been going over, in my head, what I wanted to talk to him about, but seeing him like this I just wanted to spend the day with him. The last time we had been alone was a while back, I missed those days.

3bdullah: 7beebty

Lulu: Hala 7uby.

Yes I had picked up on the whole being lovey dovey thing and he absolutely loved it.

3bdullah: I love you in color.

Lulu: Well, I love you!

3bdullah: Walla 9ij??

Lulu: Yup.

3bdullah: Inzain goleha bl 3raby please.

Lulu: How about we go in.

3bdullah: yala 7yach!

I spent a few hours in the shaliah with 3bdullah. Something just felt right about being there with him, and even though we were along my sweet heart did not even try anything funny.

Lulu: 3boody honey I should be getting alone I don't want to be too late.

3bdullah: Ma aby ahidich

Lulu: Me neither, but it is getting late and I don't want to put Mona in a difficult situation.

3bdullah: Yala 7beebty, ana ra7 asayrich.

Lulu: Um, honey?

3bdullah: 3yona

Lulu: I won't be coming to Dubai with you.

3bdullah: Haaa? laaaaaish??

Lulu: Well, to be honest, 3mr will be there and I don't know how comfortable I would be around him.

3bdullah: i7na shako feeh we will be alone, well ma3a A7med and Mona.

Lulu: I know baby, but it just gives me an uneasy feeling.

3bdullah: Baby, I was so excited I planned out so many things for us. We are leaving in a few days.

Lulu: I know I am sorry please forgive me, I will inform your father.

3bdullah: Lat7ateen I will tell him, yala meshaina?

Lulu: Are you not going to change?

3bdullah: Ee 9a7.

Right there, in front of me he took off his white t-shirt and casually walked around the shalaih looking for his shirt. I was flushed, I wanted to peel my eyes off his muscular body but I just couldn't. It was simply perfect.

He was simply perfect.

3bdullah: You like what you are seeing?

Lulu: Haa?

3bdullah: Amout 3la ily tisti7y!

Lulu: Could we please go.

3bdullah: 6al3eny

Lulu: 3bdullah, please stop this kidding around I really need to leave.

3bdullah held my arms, and placed kisses all over them. I just stood there watching his lips as they planted kisses on my arms.

He came close to my face, he planted a kiss on my chin, a kiss on each cheek, a kiss on each eye, one on my nose and lastly he eyed my lips.

Lulu: What are you waiting for ?

3bdullah: you!

Lulu: What do you mean?

3bdullah: My lips are tired, they did all that work and were not rewarded.

Lulu: well then I guess your lips will have to wait.

He moved in to close the tiny gap between us and planted his perfectly proportioned lips onto mine.

I stopped breathing.

3bdullah: Lulu 7beebty lazem you breathe.

I gasped for air.

Lulu: I forgot to breathe

3bdullah: la7a'6t

Lulu: Can we please go

3bdullah: la7'6a one more, but this time breathe, and shway open your lips I want to suck on them.

This was all too much for me, my brain let alone my nerves could not handle it. Before I could open my mouth to blurt out how I was feeling.

He placed his lips onto mine, this time more forceful, he placed on arm on my back and the other on my face pulling me closer to him. I did as I was told. I parted my lips slightly and enjoyed the light tug I was feeling on my lips, I decided I wanted to lightly lick his lips.

He moaned.

I smiled.

3mr: i7m, am I interrupting ?

1 new message
yal shai6ana