February 20, 2009

The End

3bdullah: 7beebty?

Lulu: 7yatiee inta shh, dont speak please lets just sit here, together.

3bdullah: Inshalah 7beebty.

We stayed there.

I stayed there holding the love of my life, the man that completed me, in my arm, while he was lifeless.

I just held him. I was all cried out. I was beyond numb. My nerves were shattered.

I sat there for 3 hours before Fai9al walked in.

He looked at me, then down at 3bdullah. He pulled out his phone and called for the right arrangements.

Everything was black. All I heard were sirens. All I felt was his lips.

3bdullah: a7bich, amout feech, please dont leave me 7beebty please wala I need you, I will die without you!

Lulu: I am not going anywhere, I promise you, I will stay by your side. I want to be your wife, I want to be the mother of your child.

3bdullah: One day, inshalah one day we will be together. 7beebty promise me something, promise me one thing

Lulu: Anything

3bdullah: Dont forget me, please dont forget me.

Lulu: 3BDULLAH, 3BDULLAH, 3BOOOOODY.....7beeby

Mama: smilah 3laich 7beebty, mama 5ala9 its been a year lain mita wntay 3la hal 7al....la illah ilah allah!

I felt my mothers tears, I felt her pain. That was the only thing I felt. The only thing I would feel for 2 years.

It took me 2 years to get back into the world.

2 years to see people.

2 years to talk.

It took me 4 years to talk about him to all of you.

It will take a lifetime before I could forget him.

I meet his parents every Monday for lunch.

His clothes are still in my closet.

His smile is still in my every dream.

He bought me a land next to his parents, he bought me a house next to my parents, he left me his shalaih, he left me his will.

Even though it seems like he left me everything to help me get over him, I am still missing the most important thing.


My baby, my 3bdullah.

He changed my life. I became alive when I was with him, even through the hard times I knew what my purpose was in life.

Now I am lost, walking around like a lifeless human. I lost my purpose.

I find myself locked up in my bedroom every night having conversations with him in my head. I sleep in his clothes, I drive his car, I sleep in his bed.

If I could spend one more day with him it would be the day I would marry him, or the day I find out I am pregnant with his baby. Actually, I wont be that selfish I just one more day in his arms.

I opened my heart.

I loved.

And I lost.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.

This is been the hardest thing I have done in my life, harder than loosing him.

If you could take one thing out of this, please dont be afraid to fall in love, dont be afraid to open your heart life is too short. Being afraid will get you no where, take chances and embrace life.

Please, live for me. I dont have it in me to smile, or to be happy.

So please do it for me.

Love Hurts,

but time heals all.


  1. i'm speechless... akeed it takes a lot for you to tgoleen ur story... allah e3aweth... maybe mo in the way we want... Don't know what to say... allah yer7ema oo eqamed ro7a el janna enshalla;*

  2. u made me cry :( im so sorry for your loss but i do beleive we become who we are from what happens to us

    u must be one strong woman :)

    allah yir7ema

    loved ur love story

  3. I dont know what to say, I know no words will make you feel better, but for you to share this with all of us makes you a much stronger person than you give yourself credit.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Alah yur7uma inshalah ;*

  4. That was so heart breaking... Mashalla 3alaich you're a very strong person, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must've been for you to go through that, then to relive it for four years and finally tell the story. Allah yer7ma w ighamid roo7a iljanna inshalla ;*

  5. allah yer7ima inshala:*
    I really admire you wallah it takes a lot of courage to write something like this oo never loose hope inshala allah yijma3kum bil 2a5ra:)

  6. OMG,, i cant stop crying! your story is amazing, w ashaj3ich 3ala ur courage!! i love u w allah yer7uma;**

  7. Omg ! I'm in shock , speechless! U r my heroine ! I am amzed by ur talent and how u came up and opened up about ur story ! U r truely amazing ! And thank u !

  8. alla yer7ma sorry for the loss
    lossing someone you love is the hardest feeling in the world bas walla khera matadrin shel sale7 feha
    we can't be happy 3anech u deserve to be happy its your life u r the one who should live it
    all u need is time trust me
    mashalla 3alaich u write verry well endmajt bel story 7adi tara garait'ha eb one night o magdart ogaf o gemt el sib7 sheft the last part o i'm suppose to go out bas ma6l3at lail7en ga3dt agraha

    good luck ;*

  9. im so sorry for your loss...

    ambaih i cant stop crying. wallah it takes alot of courage to recall something like this. i really dont know what to say =(

    allah yer7uma

  10. first of all im sorry for what happened and allah yer7amah ... its very hard to go through all of this and the hardest part is to go on bas its the only way

    i could not stop reading it u do have a nice way of telling a story and its good therapy if u do it more often

    im sorry to say this bas is this really ur story or .... i donno i just cant help but feel that there is something missing

    anyways good luck and i hope u get strnger cuz of this experience .. i donno what to say

  11. :'((( thats so sad, im so sorry for ur loss. the same issue happened to my cousin, i dont think u'll get over it but u'll learn to live with it. :)

  12. :'( :'( :'(
    is all ive been doing since i read the last 2 posts nimt crying oo gimt i started crying again

    alllah yir7ama oo ya5mid rou7a il jana inshllllah
    again im EXTREMELY sorry for ure loss

    oo thank u for having the strenght ina u rite this.

  13. ambay 7abeeebty 3awartay galbiii
    allah yir7ima o0o yigamid roo7a il jana inshalla
    its the hardest thing ina he died between ur hands ... bs il 7imdilla it was peaceful
    7abeebty akeed it was hard for u to write this ... inshalla u find a person who will fill ur life mithil ma 3abdulla filled ur life and more

  14. ;( that made me cry
    allah yer7ema:*
    You're strong for writing this, and Thank you for sharing:*

  15. i cried..
    im so sorry for what uve been thru
    wlah enshala u move on and live on..
    allh er7mah enshallaaa
    thanks so much for sharing ur story
    it means a lot
    walah waalah i hope and will pray for u

    thank u

  16. WOW...amazing story mashalla..i enjoyed reading it:D.. i just started my own blog as well:D check me out!


  17. oh my god i am so sorrry i actually posted the previous comment b4 reading this page!! OMG i can't stop crying!! i'm so sorry fo ur losss.. omg omg omg.. 7addy i feel numb right now.. but how did he die?? alla yur7uma! i hope alla e3aw'9ech.. i'm speechless i dunno what to sayy...i feel so rude for posting my previou comment! my bad... :s
    i'll pray 4u..bad3eelach fe 9alaaty..and i hope u moved on..and as u said life's too short so try to make the most of it..dont spend the rest of ur life being sad..ever1 wants to see u happy..
    with all my love

  18. hi,

    if you were reading your story you a hall full of people, you would have a had a tearful standing ovation.

    i can imagine what you went through and what you are going through right now!

    im so sorry for your loss, but i dont think time heals all wounds, but i think that time just teaches you how to get along with your pain and walk hand in hand!

    again im so sorry for your loss and goodluck in your life!


  19. Allah yer7imha weqamid roo7ha iljanah o jamee3 ilmuslimeen inshalla..
    o Allah isahel 3alaich wi9abrich..

  20. Allah yer7ema o Eghamed roo7a il Jana inshalla..

    Oh my god, I never expected this ending, I seriously didn't, I was reading it and had a shocked face near the end.. You went through so much and the fact that he was still fighting for you but died in your arms is just something, I don't know indescribable!

    Allah e3eeeenich 3ala the pain and heartache you went through these past 4 years bs inshalla inshalla allah e3awethech inshalla

    Thank you for sharing the story again my dear :)

  21. oh my god!!! allah yr7ma o i3eenich ya rabi losing someone is the hardest thing ever!! the image never goes but the dreams and memories il7mdellah itsahel 3la ilwa7d. remember all the good days and do whatever u feel he wanted u to do! allah yr7ma!

  22. I read it all in one go. I'm so sorry for your loss. :'( Thank you for sharing the story.

  23. this is the second time i read it and it still has the same effect on me!

  24. I really dont want to say anything that would make your situation just worse.
    Magdar agoal '3air
    Allah yr7ma ow y'3amid ro7ha el gana inshallah.

    Tc sis =**

  25. thats heart breaking...
    alla yr7ima is the only thing in my mind right now...


  26. wooah okay il 9ara7aa i really really dont knw what to say
    a7s chna imthaljeeni
    very sad story
    my twin read ur story gabli oo galat lazm tgrainha its a true story oo q9a mo2athra at first ma knt bagra cz she told me the story but kan feeni hal 7aka ina lazm agraha omg when i did i couldnt think of anything else except the story
    mashalla 3alaich i would never have il courage to write it 9ara7a
    a7ayeech 3la hal guwaaa
    bss dam hay iry7ch ina u write it then good
    oo as u said life is too short walaw ina i knw its hard to forget and im not telling you too but try to not stop at this point
    bss as u said 7beebty life is too short
    oo inshalla allah i3aw'6ch 5air
    3sa an takrahu shay2an wa huwa 5airn lkom
    oo 3sa inshalla allah yms7 3la galbch oo inaseech hamich yarabi:)

    i wanted to send it as an mail or something since i had a lot to say bss seems like now im really blank plus im soo new at this blog thing and im really lost so if could please leave a way to contact you lol

  27. Allah yr7ma. This is a very sad story. I'm not the type of person who cries. But when I read this I cried my heart out! I know it's been a while since you posted this but I just read it last week and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Allah ys3dech inshAllah oo y3w'6ich.

    allah yer7uuumaaah!!
    be strong , allah e3wthech enshalaah.

  29. wow....
    simply wow

    i love it

    alla yer7amah <3

  30. 3a6'am allah ajrik. allah ma3 al9abreen.