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3bdullah: akeed, wain tabeen?

Lulu: Starbucks iljabriya

3bdullah: ay 9oub 9ayer? ym Mcdonalds?

Lulu: ee min wara kind of.

3bdullah: 3araft waina yalla 5 minutes and I will be there.

I looked at myself through my rear view mirror, what was I doing? I was escaping my problems and heading for him? What was I doing, this is not right, this cant be good. You know when you do something thats awfully wrong, but its worth it because of the thrill you get? I loved that feeling, I never got the feeling. I deserved that feeling right? I have always been there for my brothers, and my friends no one ever asked me if I was happy, except for my 12 year old brother.

This was insane. I had to stop. I was going to stop, just after I talked to him. I arrived to Starbucks, it was empty. Perfect. I got in ordered camomile tea I had to calm down. I sat outside, I needed fresh air, then again we were in Kuwait so how much fresh air was I going to inhale?

3bdullah: Lulu, are you ok?

Just like that, those 4 words calmed me down.

Lulu: um yes I am.

3bdullah: you scared me

Lulu: look 3bdullah I am a straight forward person, I shouldn't be here with, its wrong on so many levels. You are my boss, I work for you, your father owns the company...

3bdullah: and? i7na ga3den insawi shay '3ala6? laa! intay my friend o bs.

Lulu: Friend o bs?

3bdullah: I mean...listen Lulu you know who my father is, he would never let me...

Lulu: marry me

3bdullah: not because feech shay bs...

Lulu: my family name, my family background

3bdullah: I am sorry Lulu, I don't think like that but my parents are very traditional.

Lulu: Ladies and gentleman welcome to my life story. I understand, excuse me 3bdullah its getting late I should be on my way home. I am sorry about all of this.

Just like that I left, the man I hardly knew, the man who was so wrong for me, the first man that broke my heart. He was not mean, he was not harsh he was just honest.

I drove back home feeling numb. 2 weeks ago I was just a girl with a crazy crush, now I am a girl that feels absolutely nothing.

I walked into the house, ignoring everyone. I locked my bedroom door, something I seldom did. I turned my phone off. Drew me a bubble bath and set out some relaxing candles. I just sat there staring at the pillar in the middle of my bathroom. I was like that pillar carrying the weight of my family and friends on my back, will I last like the pillar or will I collapse?

I stepped out of the bubble bath and rinsed myself with some fresh water and wrapped my purple bathrobe around my body. I flopped into my couch and just sat in the dark for an hour.

knock knock

Lulu: Mino

Fai9al: ana

Lulu: honey I just need to be alone

Fai9al: there has been an accident

It took a moment for me to grasp the bomb my brother had just dropped on me.

I got up, opened the door. I never cried.

Lulu: What happened?

Fai9al: 6alool pushed marzouqo and he landed on the glass table breaking it, there are a few shards of glass but his hand is open wide, 3lawi and a7mad took him to the doctor, change lets go.

Lulu: I never cried, and I am not going to start now.

I hopped into a black dress, with my white flats took my bag and walked downstairs. I never cried.....
.....................

until I saw 6alal.

I ran over to my brother, crying, sobbing, weaving could not describe the state he was in. I hugged him, I started to cry, I couldn't stand seeing my brother in pain. I wanted to be the pillar to carry their pain, their trouble their everything, I never want to see anyone I love in this state.

6alal: walla Lulu I didn't think I pushed him so hard, wala im sorry.

Lulu: 79al khair 7beeby, lets go see him I am sure he wants to see you

We walked out into Fai9als car and headed over to the hospital. We got the information from 3lawi and headed over to the emergency ward. There he was, my 12 year old brother bandaged up all over. He got 3 stitches right above his eyebrow, 6 stitches on his left leg and 10 stitches on his left arm yet he still managed to be laughing.

6alal: Marzouq sami7ny wala ma kan ga9dy.

Marzouq: 6alool ishfeek, now I have stitches wanasa I will show them off bl madrisa, bs mny gayel inik dazaitny bagoul iny I fought.

We sat for a few hours until he was off the IV that was giving him his pain killers, and we took him home. 6alal did not leave Marzouq's side catering to his every need, he even slept next to him in case Marzouq needed something at night. I slept on the couch in the upstairs living room.

Lulu: 3bdullah don't leave

a7med: Lulu ishfeech?

Lulu: please don't leave me

a7mad: honey you are asleep, I moved you into your bed tabeny ag3ad ma3ach

Lulu: haa, a7mad whats wrong?

a7mad: nothing intay ily shfeech ga3da it5arbi6een.

I went back to sleep, dreaming of him.

I woke up at 6, I couldn't sleep. I needed a drive to clear my head. I drove all the way to F7ai7eel, parked somewhere and walked to the ba7ar. I was ankle deep enjoying the feeling of the waves washing over my feet. I needed someone to wash over me.

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